


A dream is a soft place to land

by Ayuo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baking, Creatures, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Learning to move on, M/M, Magic, Magical Creatures, Multi, Mutual Pining, Mystery solving, Panic Attacks, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quidditch, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Some gang shenanigans, Spirits, Tattoos, hogwarts adventures, lots of fluff i swear it's not just pain, not much of an angst really but still
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-13 17:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 85,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13575186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayuo/pseuds/Ayuo
Summary: Spirits cling to Draco's back,and while their weight is heavy and burdening, why is Harry the only one seeing them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> UUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH so I wrote this, is HP fandom is even alive lol, it's really based off my OC's love story of two people learning to forgive themselves and coming together (with some spirits of course), i love Harry Potter with all my heart and i've come to miss it quite a lot, so I wrote this fic with things i think the characters would be feeling when they come back from the war, writing this is really a confront of mine during hard and stressful times, hope you enjoy it
> 
> ****TW: BLOOD, BULLYING*** i don't use graphic discription of violence, but it is mentoined please stay safe

 

**Lonely**

****  
**[lohn-lee]** **  
** **adjective, lone·li·er, lone·li·est.**

**  
** **affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.**

 

 

“It will be okay Draco” his mother's soft voice woke him from his daze, Draco's eyes shifted to look at her nape, it seems like their car had stopped, which is funny, since his father would never allow of such disgusting muggle technology, but his father was locked up now, and it doesn't matter what a prisoner thinks about the ones that are free, again, it's funny because after  the war none of them will ever be free no matter if they're behind bars or sitting in a luxurious car like Draco and his mother did, her worries reflected in the front mirror, she looked at her pale son with deep concern while he himself idly leaned on the cold window, he felt like scoffing at her but had no heart to actually do so, his mother has gotten way thinner in the past couple months, the dark circles under her eyes never leaving her, he just couldn't be rude to this woman anymore, nor ever again.

“I know you're worried about returning honey, but I'm sure school will be great” her grip tightened on the wheel, proving Draco that she was as afraid as he is, yet, she kept talking “McGonagall was kind enough to let you attend your eighth year at Hogwarts, and if she's okay with that, anyone will.”  Draco's gaze fell back to the blurred window he was leaning on, staring at the gray road they were taking to King cross station.

“Not everyone are as kind as McGonagall” he muttered, his breath leaving warm fog on the cool window “don't say that, Pansy will be attending too, you won't leave her won't you?” Her soft voice had a stern edge to it, not that there were any reasons to scold Draco, no matter how much he complains, he will be returning to Hogwarts this year anyway.

“We're here” he heard his mother's head hit the soft seat with relief, her pale arms sliding down from the black steering wheel “driving a car is so exhausting, I don't know how muggles do it all the time” she turned around to face him, a tired smile resting on her face, Draco returned it,still not quite moving from his seat, her palm found its way to Draco's hand, sending a wave of reassuring safety through his whole body “ shall we go?” Unlike his father, his mother was asking, not demanding of him to do what she wanted him to do, and helplessly, just like he did with his father

He obligated.

Their road to platform nine and three quarters was carefully painted with the countless footsteps every aspiring witch or wizard that ever went there, to Hogwarts, the magical place

That Draco helped destroy last semester.

And yet, he was allowed to walk this road again, he was privileged to study an another year with his classmates, with Pansy, oh how much he missed Pansy,and spending the whole year buried under the thick castle floors hiding in the dungeons with his fellow Slytherins seemed to be all worth it.

The platform was flooded with chattering students, with Hogwarts Express kindly waiting for all the students to return, Draco felt his mother's grip on his shoulder, clearly reading through his nerves “I will be fine” he mumbled, smiling at his mother weakly, tears flooded her blue eyes and she pulled Draco in into a lung crushing hug, even though she's way smaller than her now grown son, she still was a strong woman.

“It's going to be fine…” she sobbed into his shoulder, reassuring herself more than him, and he let her, patting her back gently “it will” he breathed in her scent, lately she's been smelling warmer, very home like, a home that's within the manor's cold empty halls, he will miss her, he knows he will.

“I will go now” he whispered, letting his hands fall, she squeezed once more before letting go, suddenly leaving Draco feeling cold

“Have a good year dear” she smiled at him

“I will” he said, feeling like it's a promise he can't keep.

And as he stepped into the well known train, his back started to feel heavy.

 

He noticed 'it’ when he sat down with pansy, suddenly realizing that the weight on his back wasn't just the glares and the shouts in his direction, but it felt more physical, like something was _there_.

It left uncomfortable warmth on his right shoulder, Draco was sure he could feel little claws cling into him, so while Pansy was rambling sweet nothings, Draco dared to take a look.

A black blob like creature was making itself comfortable on his shoulder,it didn't look like an animal, yet had four legs and claws we're definitely tugging his shirt, their white eyes were wide and dangerous, he yelped standing up with a jolt, the thing fell of his shoulder and hissed

“What the fuck?!” Draco exclaimed, his back pressed to the trains window “what are you doing?” Pansy frowned at him looking as if she wasn't seeing it

“there's a thing!!”

“a thing?”

“Yeah!! There!!” Draco pointed at the growling creature yet Pansy simply rose her eyebrow at him “there's nothing there Draco.”  She said.

Confused, Draco rubbed his eye furiously before glancing at the creature again, it was still there, how was she not seeing this?? It's right there! Was he imagining things? No, it's weight was too real to be imaginary, or maybe not

Maybe his stress was acting up, making him _hallucinate_ some dumb creatures, you can never be sure these days.

He flopped down next to Pansy, too focused on the creature in front of him to care about Pansy's complaints.

The thing didn't seem to be attacking him, it was just glaring intensely at him, making his whole ride utterly uncomfortable.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry never thought he would be coming back to Hogwarts, not after Voldemort, not after last year, yet he found himself marching down the familiar corridors anyway, with Ron and Hermione at his side, he now knew, that even after defeating Voldemort, thinking about an another stressing year at school seemed just as scary

But god, has he missed these halls, the halls they all grew up in, the halls some of their friends had to make their grave.

“They repaired it quite quickly, the school I mean” Hermione remarked as they made their way towards the great hall, squished between all kinds of students, the golden trio tried to stick together just like they did during darker times, always there for eachother just the three of them ready to face whatever thats coming

“Magic” Ron smirked, while still staring at the repaired walls in disbelief, but his running eyes locked on a certain blond figure, the sight made Ron frown immediately, Harry felt a sharp pain in his elbow “ouch Ron wha-” Harry was cut off by the redhead grabbing his face and turning him to look at a small pack of green, snuggled together between all the other house colors

“Malfoy” Ron said through gritted teeth “ I can't believe they let him come back!”

Harry tensed up at the sight, Draco Malfoy, a former death eater, was walking uncomfortably between the glaring crowd

“Guess we're not the only ones that noticed” Hermione murmured, tucking her curly hair behind her ear “the crowd really makes the Slytherins look like they don't belong here”

“Because they don't belong here!” Ron said, suddenly bumping into a little Slytherin, he looked like a second year, he definitely heard what Ron had said because his head dropped apologetically, tears already streaming down his face as he ran past them

“Way to go Ron.” Hermione groaned “wha- I didn't mean him! I meant- I meant them!” He pointed at the eighth year Slytherins shamelessly

“Don't say that! You're a war hero, anything you say might have a huge impact on people!”  It always surprised Harry how Hermione managed to be so kind even towards the worst people, he saw Ron roll his eyes and chuckled “tell him Harry!” Hermione slapped Harry's shoulder,he shut his mouth and held it in a thin line, he had to bite the inside of his cheeks in order to keep himself from laughing.

“How dare you!” A loud thud echoed across the hall, the trio turned around, all Harry could see were colors, yellow, red and blue, all looking at the same scene: red, red dripping down a green robe, red dripping down a pale chin

“You scum!!” A thud “you think you can just walk around these halls like it was nothing?!”  another kick, but with this one a pained groan followed

A restless Hufflepuff  was kicking Malfoy in a middle of an empty circle created by the crowd, no one besides wailing Pansy, who screamed in horror didn't seem to bat an eye, they all shared this fury, yet only one was able to express it, and Malfoy let him.

“You murderous snake!” a certain ravenclaw seemed to shout, “get lost!” Someone else just as brave remarked, Hermione gasped, putting her hands over her mouth “this is horrible…” she whispered, Harry agreed

Draco might've been a complete coward, but he didn't kill anyone, not even Harry, when he had the chance to.

Malfoy sure brought a crowd around him, getting kicked and hexed by anyone who dared, his broken screams making even Ron cringe as if he was feeling the same pain, the trio shared looks everyone thinking the same: does he deserves their help? would them stepping in really change something?  
Harry looked around himself, his heart dropping from the sight, young slytherins who had never took a part in grown up’s wars were standing behind the crowd shaking in fear, tucking their green ties deep into their robe pockets, hiding the shameful slytherin color, the same color that was now stained crimson by Malfoy’s blood.

“Enough!” He yelled,his hero persona not leaving him quite yet, and as expected the whole crowd was now gaping at him

“We shouldn't fall so low!” His voice echoed through the hall “ we just survived a _war_! and I personally do not want to return there!” People were dropping their gaze, anyone would find it more soothing to face the floor than the all mighty Potter, the one who defeated him who must not be named, deep down, everyone knew he was right

“We came back to school, it has been hard, but let's not make it harder, make it a happy year..Please”

his voice broke leaving dead silence,eyes were filled with shame, Hermione was right, he did have a lot of power.

After Harry's speech, Malfoy was no longer interesting and the colorful crowd seemed to mix up, the room suddenly filled itself with chatter

Malfoy got up slowly and Parkinson jumped to his side in panic crying quick words Harry couldn't overhear, Draco nodded at her and made his way to the exit, suddenly tripping and falling

It looked like someone casted a spell on him at first, since the floor had absolutely nothing to trip on, but a glimpse of black mass caught Harry's attention, that thing was tugging Malfoy’s leg and Parkinson didn't seem to notice it, Harry blinked a couple of times and frowned, the creature was gone, weird, with laugh echoing through the hall Draco stumbled to get up,shooting everyone an angry yet defeated glare, pulling his robe up and leaving the hall running.

Did he imagine it?

A cling of glass rang softly, Harry and his friends turned around to the source of this voice, McGonagall, their old friend yet new headmistress, was standing with a glass in her hand and a little fork in the other, she looked so out of place when Dumbledore is not besides her, but she continued his legacy, now standing proud in front of all the damaged students, and it's her job to fix them.

“Dear students, may I have your attention please?” the chattering hall went silent, all four colors looking at her, she sighed but her thin lips curled into a soft smile “welcome back, to an another year at Hogwarts” the crowd cheered, Harry shot a look at his friends who were smiling widely, their hands curled together, probably thinking Harry won't notice, his eyes then trailed off to the teachers table, Hagrid was waving at him just like he always did, he waved back, with professor Flitwick jumping besides him, a glass of wine in his hand, the little teacher was cheering for everyone who made it and stood here now, they all deserved it, their return is indeed a worthy toast.

Happiness flooded his lungs like fresh air he didn't know he was missing, it's so good to be back, so good to be home.

“Last year” McGonagall’s voice broke the chatter “was hard for all of us, but even when the darkness seemed to overthrow us, none of you lost hope” her eyes reflected the thousands of students with pride, she tightened her grip on the glass “we lost many, and it's still hard” Harry  saw Ron flinch in the corner of his eye,Hermione pulling his closer  “but today, you all are no longer war heroes, you're no longer victims, here, at Hogwarts, you can be just children, just my precious students”  McGonagall placed her glass on the teacher’s table before pulling her wand out

“I would like for us all to have a minute of silence for all those who left us, so we could start a loud and eventful school year” the tip of her wand lit up, Harry did the same, pulling out his wand and murmuring lomus, and the great hall filled up with light, everyone held out their wands out high, silent for all those who can no longer speak

“And now, we shall begin the house sorting” McGonagall lowered her wand as Slughorn brought a stool and the sassy sorting hat.

 

* * *

 

 

Draco woke up heavy.

Not only that his body was sore from yesterday's beating, but there was a actual pile of these black creatures on his bed, all sitting on him “what the fuck…” he groaned, burying his face in the pillow.

“Draco come on” Blaise called, he also returned to Hogwarts, but his parents drove him to Hogsmeade so he didn't have to suffer catcalls on his way to school.

“How do you think they will call us today?” Draco whined, yanking his blanket off a bit too aggressively so those little shits jumped away, they did, but one of them actually bit Draco, he hissed loudly throwing that thing off his bed

“Woah you really got beat did you?”  Blaise’s dark skin contrasted beautifully with the white window he was leaning on, his arms folded over his chest, Draco scanned him, his eyes stopping on the green Slytherin tie, Draco looked at his own and smirked before tying it on himself too.

“Perhaps they will call us trash, murders maybe” Blaise chuckled, pushing from the window and walking over to Draco who was struggling with his tie “well that would be unoriginal” Draco smiled at him “they already called me that yesterday”

Draco couldn't ignore the weight climbing on his leg, why are those things so heavy? and why do they cling to Draco? It seemed like Blaise didn't notice them just like Pansy.

“Well, maybe they will call us traitors” Blaise said casually, finishing fixing Draco's tie

“Only one way to find out” Draco tightened his tie on his neck and grabbed his bag.

After yesterday's events the eighth year Slytherins decided not to attend the sorting ceremony, instead they all stuck together to Draco taking him to the hospital wing to check that his nose is not broken, they knew that attending Hogwarts will be dangerous with their dark past, and Draco was glad his friends were there besides him, they made the whole situation a kind of a joke, handing Draco a galleon each time someone called them trash, he would then put it in a cup, maybe all this money will buy them a couple of butterbeers to chug down all the bitterness their fellow classmates had for them.

They just bonded, walking in their small group whenever they went, they would be safe that way, Pansy already sat down for breakfast, sitting in a far corner, funnily no one sat down next to her nor in front of her, leaving them a safe food Haven.

Even at the Slytherin table people kept their distance, and honestly? This is fine, it just meant they're getting more food anyway

“ Have you seen the glares?” Pansy smirked at them, her voice having a pained ting to it,her dark eyes showing what they all felt,alone,and most definitely tired,they know they deserve such treatment but Pansy had a weak heart, she may be able to bully others but can’t handle bullying herself,  “how could we miss it?” Draco flopped into the chair besides her, using that moment to push off the creature on his shoulder, reaching to grab some toast, the creature didn't like this treatment much and jumped on Draco's hand and scratched it “fuck!” He yelled, failing to yank his hand away since the creature now went for his toast, pulling it from his hand, the other black blob beings pulled at his hair or ruffled his collar, all bugging him “let go of me!” He managed to pull his toast away from the beast's teeth, throwing the toast at his plate angrily, not that he could  eat it now.

“Draco..?” His attention snapped back to his friend, who gaped at him, and she wasn't the only one, seemed like the whole great hall stared at him, his eyes locked on a certain someone

Potter.

Who’s intense green eyes glared at him through the whole hall, Draco felt an uncomfortable flip in his stomach,he dropped his gaze, staring at his abused piece of toast “I'm not hungry” he mumbled before standing up and leaving the great hall behind.

Out of everyone Potter was the only person he just couldn't face, and him snapping at something that wasn't actually _there_ in the middle of breakfast wasn't helpful, Draco understood that he's the only one seeing them, hearing his footsteps loudly echoing through the hall, he stopped, surroundings himself with uncomfortable silence.

His chest throbbed,and the pain from yesterday's beating kindly reminded him where he was, just like all the other students cared to remind him, he no longer belonged at Hogwarts, somehow, the weight on his back grew, he didn't know those things could get heavier, but it seemed like they did, just like Pansy, deep inside he was hurt, longing for the warmth of his mother who kept him safe all this time, this Hogwarts wasn’t the school he once knew, a place he and his friends hung out and endlessly teased Potter and his friends, a place where his actions were always hidden and forgotten due to his father’s powerful name, Draco was thrown off into a completely different world, a damaged heartbroken world mercilessly abused by war, in which Draco fought, for all the wrong sides and reasons, Draco grabbed the fabric at his chest clinging into his button up helplessly, his cold hands cooling his throbbing chest, everything hurts and not only from his beating, everything is pushed down with the weight on his back.

He will ignore it, and then it will leave, his stress was acting up, it definitely was.

There was no way those things were real, maybe it's a spell, perhaps a prank, he didn't care anymore, it was his second day here and he was tired already.

 

Eighth years shared all their lessons together, making each period a practical mess, their classroom filled up quickly, Draco has taken his seat in the back of the class long before everyone arrived from breakfast, well, since he skipped it.

Even while sitting in the back the glares were piercing through his skull, he felt utterly uncomfortable, Draco found that dropping his gaze was much easier when the crowd of people is something uneasy to look at.

“Welcome welcome!” Slughorn’s cheerful voice rang in his ears “it's good to see you all!” The old professor skipped to his board, leaning onto the thick teachers table “you are just beginning your wonderful year at Hogwarts! And I will be your potions teacher this year” of course slughorn will teach potions, after Snape's death there's no one else to do that, thinking about Snape made his shoulders heavier, shutting that thought he forced his gaze on the teacher.

“Today we will be making a growth potion, usually used in gardening” slughorn scribbled down the recipe his neat handwriting filling up the board “ you have one hour to complete it, good luck!” With the clap of his hands, the whole classroom filled itself with movement, everyone grabbing the cauldrons and their well needed ingredients, Draco is great with potions, he remembers the confront he got from chopping down the ingredients, creating something new, something useful

But this time nothing seemed to work out, weight, unwanted burden made his movements tense, cutting uneven pieces, burning some parts, Draco found it hard to concentrate with the glares at his nape, why won't it work out? at some point he snapped, pushing the cauldron off hsi table, shattered pieces flying everywhere brought shocked gasps, everyone were looking at him, Draco’s shoulders rising and dropping as he breathed heavily staring intensely at the mess he made.  
“oh my oh my!” Slughorn groaned, picking up the broken pieces with a flick of his wand “Mr. Malfoy what are you doing? did you slip up?” if Draco knew what he was doing he wouldn't shatter the cauldron in the first place, perhaps the stupid old teacher couldn't quite grasp that, but Draco didn’t say anything, his angry gaze locked onto the black creature walking around the floor just where the shards have been, their wide white eyes piercing through Draco’s soul, crippling fear caught his throat, making it hard to breathe, please leave me alone, please leave me alone,please leave me alone his mind repeated in desperate hope those agonising creatures could hear him, could let him go, everything around him seemed to turn black, the creatures tail messing with his sight, he was being watched from every side, from every corner eyes heavy and burdening, please, please anything but those judging eyes-

“Mr. Malfoy?” Slughorn's eyes were the biggest, cutting through the darkness, making the flashy light even scarier, he didn’t notice the man’s heavy hand on his shoulder which should be a calming gesture, but for Draco nothing was calming now, everything was dead weight- weight- just take off that horrible weight!!  
Draco slapped the teacher’s hand off his shoulders shrieking loudly “leave me alone!”

maybe if he shouts loud enough, they will.

* * *

 

 

“Malfoy seems to be quite fidgety doesn't he?”  Ron said during one of their casual breakfasts, without Voldemort around Harry finally got the chance to enjoy the regular school life, with no prophecy nor dark wizard to hunt him and try to take his life he found his days at Hogwarts uneventful, they had their usual lessons, they laid under the tree during breaks, it was nice, Harry really liked it, two weeks flew by without noticing, the now called 'golden trio’ enjoyed their days like they never did before, peacefully.

And that's what peace supposed to feel like, it should be kind, calm and reassuring, especially after the long dangerous war.

“He sure does” Harry said, it has already became their casual conversation during breakfast, Draco Malfoy comes in the morning, his skin paler than yesterday, with dark circles under his eyes, his usually tidy hair looked like he didn't even bother, blond locks sticking out his sides, he would sit down but never eat, not that Malfoy was Harry's source of attention, he never really paid him any thoughts after the war, but he did notice that Malfoy wasn't eating, another thing he noticed however, were the creatures  clinging to Malfoy's back, bullying him on a daily basis, serves him right, Harry thought at first, but then he started noticing them more, sitting on Draco's head during lessons, messing up his potions, covering his eyes during transfiguration, no one besides Harry noticed them, they just assumed that Draco Malfoy suddenly became 'fidgety’ , Harry could clearly see that those creatures messed up with Malfoy's temper

“Hey Hermione?” Not that he cared, it was sheer curiosity, he told himself “have you ever heard about bullying invisible creatures?” she gaped at him, her knowing eyes studying  his expression “nothing I've heard of” she mumbled, chewing on her pie “why?”  for a second he hesitated, but that would be better if he told her “ I don't think Malfoy is just fidgety” he said, “yeah he's just mad” Ron snarled at him, shoving an omelette down his throat “he most definitely is” Ginny remarked, giggling softly, it was nice to see the Weasley's smile, returning to their brother’s grave was especially difficult for them, but it reassured him, seeing those two shades of red sitting down with him in the great hall, Ginny cut her hair short this summer, implying that she's a quidditch  captain now and long hair would only get in the way, but Harry knew she did it because of Fred, trying to process herself that she's stronger now by cutting off the useless locks of hair, being pretty won't bring back her brother, she said, yet Harry thought her beauty could not be defined by hair length.

They broke up after the war, both understanding they were too hurt, too damaged to care about relationships right now, but this break up made a beautiful friendship bloom, and Harry was all about strong female friends.

“Stop it Ron" Hermione said, smiling anyway, unlike Harry and Ginny,  Ron and Hermione didn't break up, their love was so intense Harry could sculpt it into the most beautiful art piece, sharp but steady, just like their relationship

“Why are you asking Harry?” Ginny poked his cheek, smiling softly “I can see a black creature bullying him” Harry said, making his friends turn and stare in Malfoy's direction shamelessly, after all they've been through they knew better than to call Harry a madman  for seeing things only he could see

“Weird, I can't see anything” Hermione narrowed her eyes at the Slytherin, signing “ maybe it's like thestrals, only the ones that have seen death could see them”

“ But all of us had seen- death..” Ginny mumbled, raw pain in her expression, Ron flinched, but nodded anyway “that's true, maybe Harry saw something that Draco had seen” the group hummed, all staring at Malfoy while slowly chewing their breakfast.

 

But what could he see that only Malfoy saw? that thought followed Harry through his day, maybe it was his thirst for mystery, but Harry found himself staring at Malfoy during magical history, this time there were three, one black creature sitting on his shoulder, the second one on his head, and the third one- the cat like black blob that has been attached to him the longest, has been nagging his hand, just them being there felt pretty annoying,he wondered how Malfoy hadn’t snapped already.

While gazing at his pale nape, Harry's eye locked onto the thin line between his collar fabric and Malfoy's actual skin, Slytherin colors suited him, Harry thought, the cold green like a splash of paint on fresh snow, if Malfoy was an element, he'd probably be ice, cold and beautiful but fairly useless under the heat of sun.

Harry tried to recall all their years together, Malfoy had always been there, when he first entered diagon alley or when he faced Voldemort, he was just there.

So what brought these creatures to him? Could Malfoy even see them? or was he just bearing with the weight?

 

Weight.

 

Were they heavy? Could Malfoy deal with them? Not that Harry cared about Malfoy in particular, he'd rather not associate with him at all, he's a death eater, a criminal, but Harry found out that he didn't have the urge to hit him like the others did, he found that he doesn't hate Draco Malfoy, when did it start? When Harry stopped being utterly annoyed by his presence? No, he was definitely still annoyed, but Draco didn't bother him as much anymore, after the war Harry matured, he had no patience for rival games anymore

And it seems like Malfoy was tired of it too, or perhaps he simply didn't dare to approach Harry after what he did, Malfoy may be a coward, but he has a brain.

One of the creatures caught his gaze, their bright white eyes sending shivers down Harry's spine, for a second he feared their Slytherin owner would turn around as well and catch him staring, but he didn't.

The creature simply glared straight into his eyes making him feel uncomfortable, like their gaze brought uneasy weight on his back.

He decided to sketch them, pulling out some new parchment and dipping his quill, Harry began sketching a sloppy black figure: they were small, about a size of a cat, with bright white eyes that could pierce through steel if they wanted, four large ears, the same amount of legs, long and slightly unproportionate next to their unusually little body, their face was flat,the end of their thin tails was fluffy, and they looked more iridescent than they were black

Like a spirit of some sort.

The other creatures were all different, like a bunch of misshapen  animals, so different yet they all cling to Malfoy

He should show this sketch to Hermione, maybe research a little bit, perhaps there will be something about these creatures in the library, he could ask Hagrid as well, he missed the man anyway, wouldn't hurt to pay him a visit.

 

After the long and agonizing History of magic lesson, Harry fetched his two best friends leading them down their well known road to Hagrid’s hut

“Spirits?” Hermione skipped through the green grass, her bushy hair bouncing as she walks, Harry nodded, his gaze locked on the familiar hut in sight “I think so, after looking more closely, they're definitely slightly see through”

“Why do you care so much about them anyway? They're nagging Malfoy aren't they?” Ron was walking besides them, already munching on some chocolate frogs he brought to class but fell asleep before he got the chance to eat them, Harry frowned “honestly… I don't know, I'm just so curious what are they, and why am I the only one to see them?” Ron hummed at that, swallowing a big delicious bite of chocolate “man I wish I could see them”

“Me too” Hermione agreed, tucking a lock of her hair right behind her ear “ it's just… so weird when we can't help you, you know? We got so used to all kinds of adventures…”

“Maybe we miss them” Harry said, sharing knowing looks with the two “yeah, maybe we do, so we're desperately searching for something unusual to do” Ron's freckles danced around his face as his lips curved into a sly smile “even if it's Malfoy”

“Even if it's Malfoy” He agreed.

“but don’t you think like..finding out what are they will kinda help Malfoy?” Harry noticed how hard Ron tried not to look worried, he hated the guy even before he saw his sneering face,Harry was surprised Ron showed any interest in Malfoy at all.  
“it..it will..I guess” Harry scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “we saw him being taken...you know.. Malfoy’s father..” Ron mumbled, his usually bright eyes suddenly darkening, Hermione took a deep breath at his side.  
“my father saw it, we were visiting him in the ministry that day, Lucious was practically dragged away from his family’s arms..” Harry simply gaped at his friend, Ron was talking softly as if it was a touchy spot for him,his freckled hands tugging at his sleeves “my father hates Lucius Malfoy you know that, but when he saw the look on Draco’s face… he told me: be kind to him, since now he has nothing left”  Ron bit his lower lip, his shoulders rising as he inhaled “it reminded me of us, when Fred was taken away…” his voice broke at that, eyes filling up with tears that for long have been well known “so, i will be kind to him, not because he deserves it you know? he absolutely does not, but… because it’s the right thing to do”  Harry saw fire in Ron’s eyes, he was burning with angering sadness firing him up from inside, helping him grow, a proud smile curled up on Harry’s face, his best friend truly growed.

Fang's loud barks marked their arrival, startling it's giant owner, the door opened in seconds with a creek and followed by excited cries  “Harry! Ron! Hermione!”  Squeaked the half giant, pulling the three teenagers into a tight hug  “I missed you guys!” Hagrid smiled, a heartfelt smile shining on his face “come on come in! I've made some tea” he waved and walked back inside, flopping into his big chair and began pouring hot tea into tiny semi clean cups, the golden trio sat down on their usual cushion, as they grew up, even a house of a half giant seemed to shrink, making the place they tend to have tea parties appear much smaller than it's actually is, but the truth is, that the house is all the same, but the people walking in and out of it had changed, the once eleven years old children were eighteen now,all grown and ready to face the new world, while the kind giant stayed there and never left, always creating those children a place to return to, no matter where they went, his big bush of hair had started planting white in it, and his skin slightly marked all the smiles that man had ever given anyone, marking all the frowns between his eyebrows to remind him that ever after all this pain and worry, he can still be kind, his big hands tough yet caring, and his raven eyes filled with love for anyone who'd take it, a marvelous man, Hagrid is.

“What brought you here today? How's lessons?” he cupped the hot drink in his hands, sipping loudly  “they're nice” Harry took a sip himself, recalling all the boring lessons he had this week, Hagrid hummed, placing his now empty tea cup on his small wooden table  “Actually, we wanted to ask you something” Hermione said, placing her cup on her thighs, Hagrid looked at them sheer curiosity in his eyes, she continued “Harry has been seeing things lately, we think it's a kind of spirit” Hagrid’s eyes wandered between the three of them, carefully listening

“ Only Harry can see them and well...Draco Malfoy, we think” she took a sip, Hagrid shifted in his seat “what do they look like?”

Harry reached for his bag, pulling out a cramped piece of parchment “I sketched it” he said, showing Hagrid his drawing, the half giant took the piece eying it carefully, suddenly smiling “a spirit it is, I'm not quite sure but it looks like a Solus”

“Solus?” The three of them asked in sync, Hagrid nodded handing the parchment back “it sure looks like a Solus, maybe you guys should check it out? I had a book somewhere-” Hagrid got up, searching through his little drawers “uh..” he scratched  his nape “ I can't find it” the teens groaned, Ron sinking deeper in the cushion “of course”, Hermione bit her lower lip “there should be something about them in the library right?”  Hagrid sighed, going back into his chair “I'm sorry guys, I wish I could help more” , Harry shook his head “ it's okay, you helped plenty”

 

Solus, that might be a lead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you face a shattered soul? How do you help someone after being one yourself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter earlier than I intended and honestly I have absolutely no patience so i decided to upload it  
> also H E C K this one turned out longer than I anticipated it's around 7K WHAT
> 
> thank you all for the kudos <3 it's super important to me
> 
> TW: panic attacks

**kindness** ****  
**(kaɪndnəs)** ****  
**  
** **1.Kindness is the quality of being gentle, caring, and helpful.**

 

_Dear mother,_

_I know you are worried about my well being at Hogwarts, and I'd want to tell you that I'm_

 

Draco froze, his quill not moving, he felt uneasy lying to his poor mother, but telling her the truth will only hurt her more, she was very broken after the war, the strong and all mighty Narcissa Malfoy became a weak and vulnerable woman, he felt like telling her about the glares and the bullying, about the creatures, it will only be more of a burden, so he tightened his grip, took a deep breath and continued writing:

 

_Fine._

_I am having a wonderful time at Hogwarts, I'm eating well and doing great with my studies as usual_

_Stay strong._

_Love you, Draco._

 

“Draco, you haven't been eating well at all, look at yourself..” Pansy's concerned voice followed him during breakfast as he tucked a piece of parchment safely onto an owls leg, he can't blame her, he really didn't eat much lately, the thing is, he doesn't know why he just doesn't seem to have an appetite, all he can think about is that nagging, tight feeling in his chest making everything around him utterly uncomfortable, and even though he knew that Pansy cared about him a lot, before he could think anything through, he spat at her “oh you're not my mother Pansy, mind your own shit” her expression was pained like Draco physically took a knife and stabbed her, it was getting tighter and tighter in Draco's chest, his empty stomach turning over, gasping slightly Pansy glared at him with wary eyes “but- Draco dear please-” her voice was shaky but trying, trying to reach out for her friend who bluntly refused to accept any help “it is none of your business Pansy.” he muttered, sharper than he intended, Pansy did not give in, reaching for his pale hand carefully “Draco I-”   
“just leave me alone!” Draco snapped, slapping her hand away, she pulled back her face curling into pure anger

“Well fuck off then! Ice prince!” she yelled, leaving the table crying, he would get up after her if it wasn't the weight keeping him glued to his chair, he noticed that 'they’ got heavier whenever he felt bad, pulling him lower and lower until he sank completely and disappeared, but there was other weight besides those damn creatures, there were the eyes, everyone cared to give him those angry disappointed eyes.

no matter what he did he stumbled, and everyone's gaze strictly following him

“Look at that! A war criminal failing to keep his pawns at bay!” someone called out, with echoing laughter to follow them, but Draco didn't bother to see who, instead, he got up and left the great hall

He was angry, too angry to care why.

He stomped through the hall unsure of where he could go where he would be safe- alone,yes, he needed some alone time to gather his thoughts

Suddenly he felt himself bump painfully into a hard surface, groaning loudly Draco stepped back only to see Neville Longbottom standing right in front of him, great, just what he needed to get more annoyed

“Are you okay?” The Gryffindor whimpered, his whiny demeanor making Draco's blood boil, so he pushed him, hard. “ Fuck off!” He yelled, Ignoring Longbottom’s cry of pain as he fell on the ground, Draco ran, blurry doors and corridors leading him somewhere, somewhere safe

 

He stopped.

 

Closing his eyes tight, it was silent around him, so he hesitantly opened them, seeing himself, a reflection, his gray eyes wet and tired drowning in the dark circles under them, his lips chapped and his skin dry with a slight green tint it it, his hair was a mess similar to his clothes, he wasn't sure why seeing himself like that was so shocking, so familiar.

Daring to look around himself he recognized the abandoned girls bathroom, the same he used to go to when he desperately needed to cry, it's ironic, finding himself there again at times of distress, he could lock himself up in here and no one wouldn't care, the thought felt like a stab in his chest   
Draco stared back at himself,he was flooding, drowning in dismay with each tear sliding down his worn out face, when did he start crying? Putting his hands down onto the sink in hope to keep himself stable, he crumbled down with the weight on his shoulder, desperately holding onto the sink while his body was curled up on the floor, loud cries echoing through the room, he hated this, these forsaken walls, those people who looked like they knew him, he hated himself, wheezing and screaming in the bathroom that was way too familiar, only two years ago he was here, crying, scared for his life, turns out nothing changed much, since he was still falling apart on the same cold floor, when each day feels like stepping on sharp needless tearing his pale skin apart revealing dark, cruel red, with a shaky hand he grabbed his sleeve and lifted it, revealing his ugly death mark, he hated this mark the most.

“I hate you!!” He shouted, feeling familiar fangs clutch into his shoulder, “I hate you!!” weight pulling him down into the floor, maybe if he will cry hard enough

It will swallow him.

“I hate you…” he whimpered, the cruel skull staring back at him, back in the day he used to be proud wearing that mark but now it felt like an unliftable curse, always there to follow him till the end of time, his Father wore it, his mother beared it on her skin only for their poor son to follow, to repeat their awful mistakes, so he will be just as cursed as they are, unable to live his life normally ever again.

 

“Malfoy?” This voice cut through him like a knife, there would be no way in hell he'd forget the sound of his voice- Potter.

He didn't respond, he bit his lower lip painfully, quietly sobbing,his body stiff and frozen, loud nerve wrecking footsteps made their way towards him, it was almost soothing, to hear the loud scary sound getting bigger while he shuts his eyes tight devoured by silent darkness, and when your eyes don't see, you notice how loudly your heart is beating, in sync with each and every footstep

“Are you.. alright?” Potter did not sound gentle nor caring, kind of bored actually, Draco felt himself chuckle, dry and tired, he slowly unraveled his eyes his bloody sight fixating on the thin person before him

“Would you look at that…” Draco's voice was raspy, he stared at Potter's figure through heavy eyelids, red and throbbing from his  salty tears “Harry Potter, the savior of the wizarding world, keeping his all known hero persona and helping out a war criminal” a hum left his throat, it's just so ironic that the events of their sixth year are repeating themselves,Draco Malfoy falling apart for no other than Harry Potter himself to find him and to break him more, maybe Draco will earn an another scar from this encounter.

Potter frowned at him, his dark eyebrows barely seen though his mess of a hair, yet his expression clear as day: disgust, discomfort, all the disses you could think of, all found their way into Potter face “shut it Malfoy”  his hand was leaning heavily on his hip,his intense green eyes burning Draco's pale skin, making him wonder why he felt so ashamed all of the sudden,so little under Potter's all knowing gaze, they glared at each other, not daring to say a thing but oh- Draco forgot, the Gryffindor house is all about daring! and running his life of course

Thus Potter broke the silence.

“I can see them” he said, Draco did not get him at first, but his heart dropped dead on the floor when realization hit him,of course, how could he forget this burdening weight? Draco gaped at him, trying to appear clueless even though the creature is digging its nails into his nape, Potter went on “I know you can see them too,the creatures” Draco dropped his gaze, Potter _does_ see them, why him? why now? the nails digging into his skin now were his, as he dug them deeper and deeper into his palm, seeing his knuckles go white, hoping that maybe some pain may help him wake up

“They bully you” Potter pushed, his eyes locked on the creature on his shoulder which pulled his robe in every possible direction, Draco chuckled “so what are you going to do? You! The all mighty Potter! I bet you're going to laugh!! finally!! Malfoy- the heartless bully gets a taste of his own medicine!” Potter's frown deepened from Draco's words, he visibly flinched “I can help you” he said.

Before Draco knew it a gasp left his throat, he just stared at Potter, wide eyed filled with utter disbelief “help me-?” He whispered “help me?!” Potter stepped back from Draco's sudden yell, he couldn't believe it! Absolutely couldn't process it, Potter? Helping him? This is some kind of a joke! His blood was boiling feeling every nerve in his body completely snapping “I don't need your help!!” Draco spat at him, noticing Potter's anger raising under those stupid circular glasses, finally, a Potter he was used to.

“merlin Malfoy I'm just trying to help you!” Potter tried hard to stay calm, Draco was having none of that “I'm not some charity case for you to froster me Potter!!”

“Oh don't worry about that! You're a lost case anyway you fucking moron!” Potter yelled, kicking the floor angrily before storming out of the toilet leaving Draco alone with his misery, he stared at the now empty marble floor thunderstruck, slowly his face winced in pain “fuck!!” He exclaimed, hitting his head on the wall, completely leaning on it, he opened his eyes wide staring at the high ceiling, his vision becoming blurry as tears flood his eyes, the white ceiling suddenly gained black dots Draco gazed at them and groaned “not you again” he buried his face into his knees, hugging himself, quietly sobbing as a new batch of creatures surrounded him.

 

* * *

 

“Harry, why are you angry?” Hermione asked him during charms after he messed up a spell three times in a row “I'm not” Harry said, punching the table when he messed up again

“Surely doesn't look like it" Ron elbowed his side exchanging mischievous looks with Hermione, Harry completely ignored them

“Oh come on man, what's wrong?”  Ron leaned onto the table, exploring Harry's expression carefully, Harry sighed and put down his wand, turning around to face his friend “I met Draco in the toilet” Ron rose an eyebrow at him, suddenly smirking “ooooOoooOooohh… did you-”

“He was crying” Harry cut him off before he said something stupid, Ron closed his mouth firmly, forming a thin line

“What did you do?” Hermione replaced her silly boyfriend, eying Harry with concern “i offered him help” Harry answered, “oh, that's good” Hermione’s face lit up, she was all about helping those in need, even if it was Malfoy

“We fought after that”

“O-oh…”  the light on her face died down, eyebrows curling in concern “how did you even manage to fight with him after offering him help? That's a talent I tell ya”  Ron folded his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow skeptically, groaning Harry glared at his wand “well he won't be needing any help so, we can leave all the Solus thing now”  he muttered through gritted teeth

Why did he even think it was a good idea? He was just walking down the hallway before he heard pained cries coming out of Myrtle's bathroom, which was a usual thing down there, but this time it clearly wasn't her, the crying voice sounded broken, it's wails sending shivers down Harry's spine, making him cringe

What could bring them so much pain? He wondered, hating his hero instincts for checking it out, opening the door slowly , a similar scene revealed itself before Harry: Draco Malfoy curled up, crying on the floor

The young Slytherin was shaking, yelling curses at no one but... himself.

Harry hated Malfoy, for his whole life he couldn't stand him, a spoiled brat, a horrible bully

 

A death eater.

 

And they have a dirty history together, unresolved rivalry that never died down, when Malfoy wasn't sending hexed in his direction, he was cursing and shaming him with everything he got, using any given chance to knock Harry down

But seeing him now, curled up in such a pathetic state, Malfoy’s shaking figure made Harry's heart ache. Malfoy looked like he was in a lot of pain, which wasn't a physical thing, it looked like the blond was tearing up from the inside, only his Hogwarts robes keeping him in tact. The Solus were only the frosting of a fucked up cake, all on top of him, biting and nagging him, as if he wasn't through enough pain.

Normally, if you'd meet Harry before the war, he'd turn around and leave Malfoy to his misery, but suddenly, he couldn't

He remembered his lessons with Dumbledore, telling him that Voldemort was created from a man who had no love, no heart, what if leaving Malfoy like that will create an another Voldemort? Harry rubbed his scar, kind of instinctually, it didn't throb like it used to when he who must not be named was alive, but Harry remembered the pain clearly.

Maybe Malfoy didn't deserve to be here, perhaps he deserved to be locked up like his father, but still, he was there, right in front of him

being completely torn apart.

Mcgonagall probably had her reasons taking him back, she could have hope for him to be better, but more than anyone Harry knows that you cannot get better when everything is crashing down on you, not when you're alone.

Thus he decided to help him, he decided to try, so he won't repeat his previous headmaster's mistake, he won't let an another broken child slip away like that.

But Malfoy was not having it of course, blowing off on Harry like that, he actually thought he matured since his sixth years, turns out he didn't really, in seconds he realized how much of mess Malfoy really is, and he had no patience to deal with it

So he stormed off, angry, Malfoy’s broken eyes not leaving his thoughts.

 

What do you do when you face a shattered soul? How do you help someone after being one yourself? Harry looked around his friends, they've always been there for him, supporting him through good and bad, Malfoy was no friend of his, which means he shouldn't be so frustrated, yet he is.

“You seem edgy” a dreamy voice woken Harry  from his daze, turning over with a jolt, Harry's surprised to realize Luna is standing right in front of him, right, the lesson ended and he was just about to leave for Herbology, not quite noticing the people on the way, Luna always delivered herself in a weird floaty manner, this time around she wore huge circular earrings made of a glass like material, reflecting Beautifully with her long blond hair picked up in a ponytail, with her wand and several quill's and feathers sticking out of her hair-band

“Nice earrings” Harry caught himself saying, “Thanks!” Luna smiled at him softly “they are made of a first year's broken glasses” now when he looks at them, he does notice a thin frame around the glass pieces “oh.” He gaped, poor student.

“You seem to be bothered with some else’s problems” she said casually, as if it was written on his face, he chuckled “how did you know?”

“A spirit told me” somehow, Harry wasn't surprised from her answer at all, it was very Luna-like.

There was always something in Luna's demeanor that made her presence so calming, she spoke in an airy dreamy-like voice, always soft, always collected, she was safe to speak to

“I see things that nobody else sees” he admits

“Well that won't be the first time” Luna tilted her head, her earrings tangling freely “do you think it's bad?”

Harry locked his gaze on the floor, shoulders dropping as he sighs “I don't know”

Luna pursed her lips, placing her finger on them softly, humming, after a minute of thinking she smiled “you're saying you don't know, but you already made the first move didn't you? No matter what your heart sees, who you're seeking to help has to decide for themselves if they accept it,you cannot help those who don't want it” she placed her hand on his shoulder, squeezing “all feelings, just like spirits, appear for a reason” he wasn't sure what in her words did it, but Harry felt fresh air coming through his nose, filling up his lungs

He never noticed how much he needed that.

everytime he felt like a madman Luna was always there to guide him with her colorful bracelets and weird creativity, her soft gaze reading Harry like an open book, Luna was truly something marvellous, painting her own life in such bright colors so she would never get lonely, he felt himself smile kindly at her “ do you think what i’m seeing is real?”

Luna hummed,her bracelets tangle together making a soothing noise as he moves “why wouldn’t it be?” her answer was so simple yet so right.

He should try again, Luna's speech gave him a hint, these Solus do appear for a reason, if he can find why, getting rid of them should be easy right? Malfoy may be frustrated now, but he will be calmer soon, and Harry will approach him, offer him help again as many times as he can until the prideful Slytherin gives in, Harry dealt with difficult people before and if he managed to give Kreacher in, he could win Malfoy over easily.

Saying his goodbyes to Luna, Harry went off towards his Herbology lesson, if he remembers correctly, they share this lesson with the Slytherins, when he thinks about it, most of his lessons are shared with Slytherins this year, which is understandable considering how little of them returned, Harry was surprised Malfoy returned at all, but perhaps running around the school searching for his parents does not count as a war crime so he could return and finish his year at Hogwarts. Noticing a familiar bush of hair, Harry smiled widely when he found his friends already waiting next to the greenhouse, Hermione's back facing Harry, making her hair look like a floating poodle, Ron was standing in front of her, they were talking about something Harry failed to hear “hey guys” he shamelessly put himself into their conversation, they're his best friends after all, him taking a part of all the conversation was part of the 'harry Potter pack’ and the shop has no return policies.

“Oh hey” Ron mumbled at him shyly, looking a tad awkward from his presence, Harry quirked an eyebrow at him “what's wrong?”

“Ron just can't be romantic!” Hermione exclaimed folding her arms over her chest, pouting. Oh, it's their usual bickering, since Ron and Hermione started dating, Harry felt more of a family psychologist than a shared friend, and as the savior of the wizarding world, he has to rescue their relationship as well

“What did you do.” Harry stared at Ron blankly, his friends groaned “I didn't do anything!!! H-Hermione I really like you like-”

“Like what?” She spat at him, oh boy, Weasley just dug his own grave, visibly swallowing, Ron looked at Harry for help,who shook his head defensively, he might have dated two girls in his life but it sure didn't help him understand woman, all Ron needed to do is to tell her how much he loves her, something nice, it's not too hard, but again it is Ron Weasley we're talking about.

“I love you like… like...er…” Ron's terrified eyes ran around their surroundings, looking for something to compare it to “....like a table…?” He said in a squeaky voice, not facing his own girlfriend, Harry deadpanned, he could've chose anything, but he chose to compare his love for his significant other to a table.

“Table?” She asked,not out of anger, she genuinely wanted to know

“Y-yes! I love you like a table! I mean, I'll hold your stuff for you! Always there t-to support you you know? Strong and stable…” Ron bullshited his way through, and surprisingly it worked since Hermione's eyes teared up in seconds “oh Ron!” She leaped into his arms “that's the sweetest metaphor ever!” Ron laughed weakly at that, mouthing 'i have no idea how I did that’ to Harry.

No matter how much they bicker, Ron and Hermione are made for each other, since the day they met they liked each other and been at each other's throats all the same, Hermione's wit perfectly balancing Ron's kind nature, both of them are Harry's friends and he couldn't find anyone more suitable to date each other,that also means they always come in a pack, thus the pair is easier to find.

While Ron and Hermione snuggled in bare daylight Harry took his time to look around himself, students from Gryffindor and Slytherin gathered up near the entrance all waiting for the professor to arrive, but Harry searched for a certain Slytherin which he failed to find

Malfoy was absent.

For a second Harry wondered if the boy is still in the bathroom, considering the state he was in,Harry is definitely right.

His eyes locked on a raven haired figure, Pansy Parkinson was standing next to Blaise Zabini, her eyes were wet and her arms were folded neatly over her chest, her hair barely reaching the end of her face with a firm undercut underneath it, from her exasperated frown you could understand that she was probably ranting about something, Harry could guess what.

He noticed how Parkinson left breakfast crying this morning, leaving all her friends behind, he also noticed how far the Slytherins stood apart from the rest of the students, as if they were keeping a safe distance between them, something inside him tugged at his chest, feeling like he should do something, but not quite sure what nor why, Malfoy was their friend right? maybe they could help him break through Malfoy’s thick skin.

“Guys, I'll go and talk with Parkinson” Harry said, feeling his friends gape in his direction, Hermione frowned and Ron simply looked at the Slytherins, and then back at Harry, back and forth before he went on: “ at least I think I should, I'm not sure..”  Harry Mumbled, out of his best friends Hermione's glare was the most concerning, she had an awful history with Pansy, just like Harry and Draco did, perhaps she didn't want Harry to reason with her bully, which was totally understandable

“Why?” Hermione asked, her voice stern

“Look how far they are” Harry didn't look at her, so she shifted her gaze to look in the same direction, eyes locking on the small green pack, she stared for a long minute before sighing, her face visibly softened when she turned back to Harry “you think it's the creatures?”

“They definitely have a negative effect on the people around them, that could be a clue”

Hermione hummed, tucking a curly lock of hair behind her ear, nodding before she took a step forward, grabbing Harry's arm “okay let's go”  her actions really took him by surprise, he stared back at her bouncy bush of her hair wide eyed as she made her way towards the Slytherins, he said that he _he_ will talk with her, but guess that wasn't part of Hermione's plan

Stopping in front of the green pack made all the eyes turn to face them, Parkinson frowned at her sight but saying nothing, not that she would dare to be rude to a war hero, the air between them was so intense you could cut it with a butter knife, both of the sides staring intensely yet not daring to say a thing

Taking a deep breath, Hermione reached out her hand, it was a simple greeting gesture yet it made all the classmates that gathered up around them gasp loudly, as if it was a peace offering between two dangerous nations

“What are you doing?” Parkinson’s voice cold as she sneers at the hand, her eyes trailing on Hermione's features suspiciously

“I want to make up with you” Hermione stated bluntly, ok woah, Harry may have wanted  to _talk_ with Parkinson, but most definitely not befriend her.

The Slytherin girl opened her mouth and then closed it, confusion shines brightly in her eyes “ and why is that?”

Hermione's eyes had an intense fire to them, so overwhelming that Parkinson took a step back

“I just don't think anyone should be treated like that” Hermione said, her voice quite tense from the irony, since Pansy _was_ someone who treated her badly, honestly sometimes Harry is shocked how kind Hermione can get

Pansy just stood there, eyes wide and mouth open, Zabini stepped in front of her “what's the catch? Why do you care so suddenly?” His voice was sharp and defensive, his tall figure landing shadow on Hermione's face, creating some sort of invisible barrier Harry was unsure he could get through, the Slytherins suddenly felt so out of reach, yet they all grew up together in this castle, loving and hurting, laughing and crying, all desperately trying to fit in but give up in the second their house is assigned and all the others boo at them and the only friends you have are the ones sharing your house color, Harry bit his lip, his gaze dropping to the floor “I know Malfoy has been acting weird lately” he said, focusing the attention on himself “i might know why, but we can't help if we're at each other's throats”

Zabini’s gaze narrowed at him “ help?? Why would you of all the people-” he exclaimed but was cut off by Pansy’s hand landing in his shoulder, her eyes wet “what do you know?” She says, her voice quiet but desperate, it was clear as day that she cared about Malfoy a whole lot, more than she cares about her pride

“I think he's possessed by some sort of creature, making him aggressive”Parkinson stared at him analyzing his reply “and you can help?”

“and why would we trust you?” Zabini spat at him, his finger pointing in Harry’s direction,tensing up a little Harry nodded, ignoring Blaise yet sharing an intense eye contact with the raven haired girl, Hermione gently offered her hand again “you may not like us, and honestly, I'm not into forgiving you after all you've done” Hermione took a deep breath and went on “but, if Harry wants to help, I do too”

Harry remembered what Ron had said to them the other day, that they have to be kind, not because they deserve it

But because it's the right thing to do.

Sharing an uncertain look with Zabini, Parkinson reached out for the hand and grabbed it, silently nodding.

 

* * *

 

 

Drip, drip, drop, that's all Draco could hear, small drops of water falling into the sink, sliding down into oblivion. What time is it? He didn't know, his throat was dry from crying, and his head was resting on the cool wall while his legs spread open on the marble floor, eyes locked on a certain spot on the wall with heavy creatures snuggling up to his thigh, he let his head drop heavily to look at them, after his meltdown there seemed to be more of them now, each shaped so differently yet all gathered up together to mess up with his life.

If only he could live his days quietly attending school just like everyone else, maybe imaginary creatures wouldn't be his problem, but the dark mark on his hand separated him from everyone else, black ink buried in his skin that had changed him forever, leaving no place for change, for growth, he will forever stay his miserable self, just with very annoying company now.

Previous events ran through his mind, when Potter found him in the most vulnerable state, if Draco knew better he'd guess Potter would hex him or at least call him out for old times sake, but he didn't, for he offered Draco help instead.

Everything about this action startled Draco, why would Potter care, out of all the people? This was so unusual, so un-Potter like, Draco was so tired of things changing, deep in his heart he hoped that at least his relationship with Potter would stay the same, yet that jerk went all the way to offer him _help,_ as if Draco was someone worth saving, he knew what he's worth, and it's definitely not the savior of the wizarding world pitying him, stupid Potter.

It was an another set of footsteps that woken Draco from his daze,his eyes fixating in a tall figure, eyes widening, Draco almost choked, Longbottom was standing right in front of him, something wrapped up tightly in his hand, it looked like he arched his back and poofed out his chest, since he looked much taller than Draco remembered, his eyes scared and uncertain, but equally determined.

Without saying a word, Longbottom flopped down right besides him, pushing his knees closer to his chest, Draco gaped at him confusion clear on his face, when he opened up his mouth to speak, Longbottom cut him off

“You skipped breakfast, and lunch too” he said

What? It was past lunch already? Draco really lost the flow of time, nevertheless it was a clear explanation of Longbottoms actions, Draco was still confused as hell

“You looked really hurt, so I thought I'd grab you something” Longbottom murmured, dropping a wrapped up piece in his hands, Draco stared at it thunderstruck, his eyes moving back to the Gryffindor boy “what the fuck?” He whimpered, his voice broken and raspy “just eat it.” The Gryffindor sounded colder than he looked, his expression slightly uncomfortable, yet eyes warm and worrying

Draco always wondered how Neville Longbottom ended up a Gryffindor, his whiny and weak demeanor always made him look like he was cut out to be a Hufflepuff, nothing about his teary eyes and shaky knees was brave, he was just there, as if the sorting hat made some kind of a mistake, always out of place, always so easy to pick on,  bullying Longbottom had always been a blast, especially Potter's angry reaction to that afterwards, but now, the war painted a different person in front of him, the Longbottom he saw now was strong, sitting right here next to him made Draco feel so...small.

He looked at the small piece in his hands, silently unwrapping it, it was a simple piece of toast, nothing too fancy, but it was still _warm,_ Draco didn't understand why it made his heart throb, why his eyes teared up again, as he stared at the slightly mushed piece of bread it hit him, delightful taste filling his mouth as he took a bite, Draco sobbed, he didn't realize how hungry he was, taking big bites one after the other his mind raced

Why Neville was picked for Gryffindor? The answer is simple, his bravery is not showcased in loud acts and unforgettable fights, even though he cried a lot,feared everything, Draco realized:

It takes a huge amount of bravery to be _kind._

Even towards the ones who most definitely don't deserve it.

Choking on his tears, Draco finished his sandwich.

 

What did he do to deserve this kindness? Nothing, Draco’s done nothing in his life to deserve that, not from Potter, not from Longbottom, not from Pansy nor anyone else,how is that during his lowest points, kindness just comes to him? After a while of quiet sobbing Longbottom simply left, he had nothing to do with Draco anyway, yet he felt so devastated, so angry, he didn't even manage to thank him, to apologise.

Merlin, now he was all un-Draco like, apologizing? He would've never even thought about that, clueless of what to do, he wandered around the castle hoping that if he goes far enough those creatures won't follow him, with quick pace he turned around every corner, groaning when he found an another set of dark blobs already waiting for him there

“Guess you really don't seem to get tired of me don't you?” He frowned, giving in when they begin climbing on him “what are you anyway? What do you want?” He spoke, as if they could understand him, kneeling down, he stared at a smaller blob besides him, it's legs were very short and they were more chubby ( or fluffy??) Their face flat with a couple of horns peeking out, it seemed like they had a pair of tails as well,he sighed, reaching out his hand to touch the creature “you know, that would've been nice if you'd at least talked..”  as his palm got closer, the creature seemed to notice him, their white eyes narrowed at him before it suddenly leaped onto his hand, sinking their fangs deep into it “ah fuck!” he yelped, pushing the creature off while he fell on his arse, rubbing his hand angrily

“Language, Mr. Malfoy” a stern voice behind him made Draco freeze, slowly turning his head, he smiled awkwardly to McGonagall.

The proud woman stood before him, her hands folded neatly behind her back, her iconic bun pulling her hair so tight it might actually show her skull, she was wearing a beautiful olive colored velvet robes, matched with a witch hat, she looked at Draco just like she looked at everyone, with her nose pointed high as if it's a given that she is certainly better than everyone, which is true.

Draco had mixed feelings about Minerva McGonagall, but she brought him back, so he should be grateful? He wasn't sure anymore

He nodded politely, standing up and brushing off his own robes before he turned his attention back to the headmistress, lowering his gaze apologetically as her gaze pierced through his entire being.

She might've found out Draco skipped all his classes today, perhaps she came to scold him, or even worse, send him home, which he wouldn't mind honestly, Hogwarts is far from being a safe place for him now.

“Are you free, Mr. Malfoy?” She asked, her expression unreadable, it seems like she didn't notice Draco talking to the creatures, which is good, he wouldn't want to explain why he was talking to himself to an already sceptical headmistress. He nodded, not saying anything, fixating his gaze on her pointy heels instead, somehow it's hard to face her, like he knows he's done something bad

She clapped her hands together, humming “great! I need a tad of help with carrying some text books, could you help me young gentleman?” he was startled from her question, lifting his gaze before looking down again “uh-yeah sure” he said, a bit uncertainly.

Without saying anything else, McGonagall strode down the hall for Draco to follow, he stumbled behind the graceful woman, creatures pulling down his pants with their weight, thank Merlin he's wearing a belt.

Shortly after that they reached a tiny classroom, McGonagall opened the door swiftly heading over to the teachers table and pulling out a huge pile of books “carry them to my office please” she said, Draco nodded pulling out his wand only to be stopped by her “oh you won't be needing magic for such a simple task won't you?”  Draco frowned, why bother carrying stuff when you _can_ use magic “but they're heavy” he complained, McGonagall rose her eyebrow at him, her gaze not quite focused on  his face, but on something else “heavy? Well you unlike any other should be used to some extra weight” she remarked, a sly smirk appearing in her face before she left the classroom, leaving Draco frozen there

 

Weight.

Wait a minute.

Startled awake Draco called out frustratedly “wha- wait a second-” he stumbled at the door exit, groaning before going back to grab the - not to be dramatic- _extremely_ heavy pile of books to run after her “professor wait!” He panted heavily as he reached her at the end of the hallway, following her footsteps in a quick pace “what did you mean by that?” He tried hard to keep looking at her, but the creatures found a perfect timing to climb on his face and tug at his hair during the time his hands are occupied, bloody hell, but McGonagall didn't answer, instead she just reached the headmistress office door instead, whispering 'apple cider’ for the Gryffin door to reveal it's magnificent stairs “come” she murmured as she already walked up the stairs and Draco helplessly followed, his hands hurting horribly, who would ever lift such weight from their own accord? Draco held himself back from whining, which he failed when he realized they had to go up an another set of stairs.

When they _finally_ reached her office, Draco moaned with delight as he dropped those bloody books on the dark wooden table, looking at his poor beautiful hands dramatically when he noticed how red they became, this was absolute torture, McGonagall is an evil woman.

“How do you like your cup of tea,Mr. Malfoy?” McGonagall said softly, already filling small tea cups with boiling water, Draco was in the middle of rubbing his ‘bruised’ hands, suddenly feeling very out of place between all the staring portraits “uh, with milk” he mumbled, immediately feeling stupid, he should be leaving, not drinking tea with the headmistress, but, she did make him do all this hard work… maybe he deserves a nice cup

“Sugar?”

“Two please”

“A sweet tooth I sea” McGonagall chuckled, Draco felt his cheeks go red, he should've went with no sugar at all, but he's a mommy's boy, and his mother always spoiled him.

He kind of stood there, looking everywhere and nowhere in the same time, the office was filled with so many things it was uncertain where to look at, so in his new manner, he simply stared at the floor

With a flick of her wand, two tea cups flew gracefully towards the headmistress's table, landing with a soft thud. “Do sit down, I would like to chat with you” she said, sitting down in her big chair, nodding he sat down himself, staring at his cup of tea Instead, McGonagall took her time before speaking, she casually sipped her tea and then placed it on the wooden table softly

“So, how is your school year going?” Draco sipped his own tea,a lame attempt to avoid the question in a polite way, but her gaze was terrifying, as if she could read Draco like an open book, she already knew the answer she was searching for “why do you ask?” his words turning into a quiet mumble under her gaze,he coughed uncomfortably “i mean, studying and stuff” her sharp eyed never left him, as if she was slowly but surely peeling his defense in order to see what she wants to see “is that what you really think?” that question caught him off guard, she sighed “we can skip the talk, i know the weather outside is nice, so how about you tell me while you’ve been skipping all your classes” Swallowing hard, Draco spoke “you made a mistake bringing me back”  he wasn't sure what about this sentence was so painful, but it was, he knew that already, yet saying it out loud felt like making it real

“Did I really?”  

Shuddering, Draco nodded “yes, I do not belong here, not anymore” his grip on the cup tightened as he felt her heavy gaze on him, shutting his eyes tight, he reassured himself with the cups warmth

“Well, I certainly do not feel I made any mistakes” McGonagall said, lifting her cup again before drinking it “Hogwarts is your home,just like the other students”

Draco winced at that, home? Yeah maybe, but a good housemate wouldn't go off to destroy it.

“I'm- I'm a death eater.” He said,his hand gripping the sacred arm tight, reminding himself what's there.

“I know that.” She said it as if it was a normal thing to be, as if he just told her he ate the most delicious chocolate frog ever, no concern whatsoever.

“How can you be so calm about it?!” Draco snapped, his grip tightening “do you know what I've done?!*

McGonagall nodded “I do.”

Draco swallowed hard, he just couldn't get it, why was she treating it like it's not a problem?

“I- I almost killed Dumbledore I- I let death eaters inside of Hogwarts!” His words escaped quicker than he thought about them, feeling the weight increasing on his back

“Dumbledore, was one of the most amazing wizards to set foot in this world, especially this school, he truly was, a marvelous man” McGonagall finished her cup, placing it on the table “and he was incredibly forgiving, for those who wanted a chance.” Draco frowned at her, what does Dumbledore have to do with this? The bloke is dead, and it's Draco's fault.

“He was a dear friend of mine” her usually stern voice suddenly softened, showing raw pain that had yet to sink in, such vulnerability made Draco uncomfortable, like he doesn't deserve to see this

“Once, he took in a broken man, a wrong man for many, and yet, he took him, gave him an another chance..”  after a  pause, she went on

“This man was Snape.”  Draco's heart skipped a beat from the sound of this name, sandness overflowing him, he truly missed Snape, usually his support was there for all the Slytherin students, even though he was kind of an ass to everyone else.

“Snape was a death eater as well, and oh did he suffer, you should know” McGonagall stared him dead in the eye, yet her expression was soft and caring  “I would want you to talk with him”

Draco's eyes widened with disbelief, talk to Snape? How? He was dead-

“As you may already noticed, this room is filled with Portraits of all the previous Hogwarts headmasters”  McGonagall smiled at him, already getting up from her seat “he'd like to see you, I'm getting tired of this bitter old man really”

Draco leaped out of his seat, still unsure of how to feel, followed the woman through the room nonetheless, and there he was, right in the corner, his greasy long hair and boring expression just like he remembered, McGonagall’s hand pushed him closer softly, nodding at him before leaving them alone.

“Draco...you….” Snape's painting spoke, moving slowly just like he did when he was alive “...look horrible, your father would never allow you wander around looking.. like that.” Draco felt a dry chuckle leaving his body “father’s in jail” he said, Snape nodded “of course he is.”

Seeing his face brought up many mixed feelings to the surface, he was happy yet sad to see him, looking as if he can walk out of this painting anytime and begin complaining about the lazy students, Merlin, Draco missed him.

“Why do you look so tired?” Snape asked, Draco shook his head weakly “it's- hard..” he mumbled, suddenly feeling weak under the painted gaze

“Draco, it looks like you're falling apart, I won't ask why, even a dead man doesn't have time for that" Draco huffed a laugh,”i just..don’t know what to do” he mumbled, tears filling up his eyes “I'm not here to help you anymore, but..listen up kid” Snape’s voice soothed him, his hands were clenched at his sides, tugging thick pieces of fabric in his palm

“Do not let that mark define you.” Snape's monotonic voice made that bruised part of his wrist ache a little, not like it hurts, but he simply feels it's presence, biting his lower lip hard, Draco felt tears streaming down his face the third freaking time today, shutting his eyes shut Draco sobbed softly

“You should accept help, if you're offered, I did once, and served under a great man, who I was ready to die for”  Draco's sobs evolved into loud cries as he fell down to his knees, pain streaming through his whole body, running everything through his head, Voldemort, the war,his family- Potter.

“It's okay for you to be human,Draco.”

It's okay for him to at least try.

  


Entering dinner with his face red and swollen might not have been a good idea, but he still did it.

Sitting down in the Slytherin table, Pansy still ignored him by chatting with Blaise instead, she had all the right to be mad, he thought.

Running his eyes around the great hall, Draco's gaze locked on a messy curly hair surrounded by two annoying redhead and a literal bush of hair- Harry Potter.

Taking a deep breath,Draco stood up, he made up his mind already

“It's okay for you to get help" he recalled Snape's words in his head as he made his way through the great hall, eyes, eyes around him all staring, making him feel so small- but he went on, determined, doing his best to ignore the burdening weight on his back constantly pulling him backwards

When he reached Gryffindor’s table he froze, clenching his fists tight

“Potter.” He said, the boy immediately noticing him, with his whole gang turning over to look at Draco, all glaring at him.

His fingers might've went purple, his heart was hammering in his chest

“It's okay for you to be human” he recalled again, taking a deep breath

  


“Please help me” he whimpered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are at the beginging of the pininng and the character growth stay tuned for the wizard boys to suffer but also fall in love can't wait
> 
> I would love to read your messages on Tumblr!  
> My Tumblr: AyuoChan


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> could one become good after many years of learning not to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy Valentines day!  
> i've been having a really hard time with my anxiety, suffering from more attacks than usual and i found myself curled up in bed crying, writing this fic as if in search for temporary safety, your kudos and comments make me extremely happy, this chapter is a tad softer than the others, i had a blast writing it  
> i hope you enjoy it <3

**strength** ****  
**[strengkth, strength, strenth]** **  
** **noun**

****  
**1.the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor.** ****  
**  
** **2.mental power, force, or vigor.**

  
  


Standing if front of Harry Potter like that was extremely nerve wrecking, Draco felt himself go numb under his sharp gaze, turns out asking for help is actually really fucking hard.

Every nerve in his body screaming at him to turn around and leave, to brush it off as a joke and maybe shout something offensive in Potter's direction instead, honestly it's so much easier than what he has to face now, feeling bare as the whole Gryffindor table is looking at him being all weak and pathetic, Potter was shocked at first, but quickly enough his dark eyebrows curled into a frown, Draco's heart skipped a beat, considering their previous encounter it's unsure if Potter would even  _ want  _ to help him anymore.

He was so angry with himself about his fight with Pansy, standing here besides her would've been so much easier, too bad Draco is a proud git.

Biting on his lower lip, Draco practically vibrated on his spot as he was waiting for an answer, Potter's frown has deepened and it looked like he was thinking deeply

Cringing, he felt all his words get stuck at his throat, sweat was now covering his forehead “.. please..?” he mumbled awkwardly, his chest filling up with unease 

Pouting slightly, Potter signed “under one condition” he stated, exchanging uncertain looks with his Gryffindor friends 

“I want you to be good, to see you being good”  

Unable to maintain himself, Draco snorted, good? How could  _ he  _ of all people, be good? Was Potter delusional? Hoping to change him at his core? 

Draco knew more than anyone else that there is no chance for him to be good, it's simply in his name- Malfoy, all Slytherins, all purebloods and forsaken,  _ evil  _ death eaters, wishing for a kind hearted Draco it's like to wish for him not to exist at all, which is definitely what Potter's going for.

Folding his arms over his chest, Draco sneered, he couldn't help it, his awful pride kicked in “good? Now you're giving me circumstances? Weren't you the one to  _ beg  _ to help me Potter?” 

As usual, his remarks made something in Potter switch, no matter how hard he tried to stay calm, he always snapped when it came to Draco, he was undoubtedly proud of it, being the only one to see his ugly side while everyone else admired the hero, and oh was it ugly, the anger on his face as he got up from his seat only to yank Draco's tie and pull him close, practically growling at his face “I. Did not.beg.” he muttered through gritted teeth, ignoring how heavy his back felt, Draco’s eyebrow quirked up “oh? What is this? Did I anger the savior of the wizarding world?” His grip on his tie tightened  “shut up.” 

“Or what? What will you do?” Draco leaned in, smirking “hex me? Leave me on the bathroom floor to bleed?” for a mere second, he swore he could see a memory of hurt in Potter's eyes, for a blissful second they widened in surprise, in such pain and regret that was quick to run and hide underneath the burning layers of anger Potter's green eyes were allowing him to see, it caught Draco off guard, that small second of vulnerability, after the surprise, pain followed as Potter pushed him back “You!! You are exactly what I thought you were!!!” Potter yelled from the top of his lungs, making the great hall all go silent,all the different colors now looking at them, ah, making a scene, just like Draco likes to do it.

“You!! Are a heartless coward!! And just when I think that maybe you can be better- I'm reminded that you are a piece of trash! I hate you!!” Potter's chest risen and fallen while his voice echoed, he breathed heavily glaring at Draco with those familiar hateful eyes, ironically, the blond felt himself smile

 

While his insides felt incredibly empty.

 

For many years, this was their well known routine, lingering eyes, always noticing each other in the corner of the room, yet blowing off whenever they got the chance to talk to each other, guess habits die hard, just like there's soulmates, maybe he and Potter were meant to hate each other. then what was this emptiness? The shattered hope? That they would get along? When Draco was eleven, perhaps that was the case but he had nothing pulling him towards Potter now, maybe besides the creatures on his back. Which now were shrieking and hissing on Draco's shoulder, he didn't even bother to bulge them, since they sounded similar to the horrible voices in his head, they were a good distraction from the  _ eyes  _ staring at him from every corner, shortly after Potter's tantrum the great hall filled itself with chatter, they're all whispering yet it's so loud in Draco's ears, he felt himself exhale, looking at Potter through tired eyes “maybe you're right” Draco admitted, the voices in his head told him to do that, so he could blame them on everything he says 

“I just don't think there's any good in me” his voice turned quiet, miserable, “at least, there's nothing left” He couldn't help but to look at his arm, layers of fabric hiding something that everyone knows is there, in the corner of his eye he noticed Potter fixing his gaze on it as well, he looked so taken aback, perhaps Draco should blame the voices in his head for this too.

He was about to turn around and leave, running became his new routine now, running away from all his problems, but a pair of sad eyes froze him on the spot, Pansy looked at his from across the room, god, he hurt her too, his best friend, he pushed her away in order to do what? Perhaps make himself feel worse because he most definitely did now.

He failed, again. Even when he tries to do something right, perhaps 'right’ is not quite Draco's thing, so he did the opposite, he did the well known wrong thing, he turned around and left the Great Hall, his mind creating a letter for his mother, it will never reach her, it's a thing he couldn't write, but could fantasize about:

 

_ Dear mother, _

_ Everything is bad, everything is wrong _

_ I know I fucked up ,yet I won't do anything about it _

_ I rejected McGonagall, I refused to accept Potter's help, I hurt Pansy _

_ I disappointed you and Snape. _

_ I don't think this is going to be a good year, or a good life _

 

_ Sorry for lying. _

  
  


* * *

 

 

Harry was most definitely taken aback, Malfoy’s last words echoing through his head “at least, there's nothing left” he said, Harry was sure of it. Honestly Draco Malfoy is so confusing, for one moment Harry wanted to strangle him, in the other he actually wanted to help but now he's not quite sure which Malfoy he would be helping. “You may be thinking now that I'm an idiot” Harry sighed, Hermione shook her head “no, he most definitely deserved that.”

“Yes he did! If Hermione didn't hold me back I'd hex him!!” Ron exclaimed, throwing punches in the air “Ron, you were literally stuffing chicken wings into your mouth, asking Ginny to beg the house elves for popcorn.” Hermione side eyed him, looking deeply disappointed.

“Wha- n-no I did not! Harry you trust me right? Don't listen to this woman!” Ron whined, Harry noticed him push away a nearly empty bag of popcorn.

Groaning Harry rubbed his head, dark curls messing up more than they already were, he flopped back into his seat “why is it so hard to talk with him… normally?” Harry leaned into his chair, head dropping back to eye the beautiful ceiling, “well, the answer for that question is quite simple” Hermione chewed on her dinner, looking up as well “because it's Malfoy” Ginny suddenly said

“Because it's Malfoy” the four of them sighed in sync. This whole encounter made Harry wonder if Malfoy was worth the headache he brings with him, it's so much easier for him to simply give up, his life is finally calm and peaceful, he surely doesn't need so much stress over a stupid angsty teenager who just  _ wouldn't  _ accept help, Harry did try, and Malfoy threw his help out of the window, serves him right.

“Giving up?” A splash of red leaped into his field of vision, Ginny was leaning on his chair, looking down on him, something about this mix of words made him shudder and kind of out of spite, out of pure pride, he spat out “of course not!” Ginny chuckled softly at him, tucking a piece of her short hair behind her ear “I'm sure you will succeed, I mean, you defeated Voldemort, who's Malfoy compared to that?” She was right, so right it made Harry angry, so he lifted up his head, making Ginny step back a little “ I will go find him and force him to be good” Harry stated, determined. Hermione shook her head but her lips were curled up into a smile “surprise surprise” Harry elbowed her, both of them laughing “just you wait.” 

“Hey don't flirt with my girlfriend Harry!” 

“Rooooon” everyone groaned in sync, the redhead pouted, folding his arms over his chest grumpily.

  
  


While theoretically going after Malfoy and talking him out of his bullshit is a good idea, Harry found himself wander in circles after he left the great hall to follow his steps, it's not like he knew Malfoy to know where the git might be, he already checked the bathroom and outside already bloomed with the dark evening,soon it will be too late too search for him, Merlin the last time Harry was so obsessed with Malfoy was during their sixth year- wait a minute.

A bright idea flashed through his head, of course! How could he forget? Leaping through the moving stairs Harry made his way towards the fat lady, the new password 'lion’ already on his tongue as he passed through the portrait into the cozy Gryffindor common room, he was honestly shocked he didn't think about it before, searching through his drawers in their dorms Harry smiled delightfully when he found it: the marauders map, a precious treasure of his, trailing his fingers down the well known parchment Harry murmured “I solemnly swear I am up to no good” for the little dots and line to appear slowly, names and hidden passages showing themselves only to Harry, his eyes searching for the name, where could Draco Malfoy be? 

After a couple of minutes, Harry groaned in frustration, the git was nowhere on the map, he searched every room, every corner, he's not in the Slytherin dorms, he's not in any classroom which only leaves… Harry looked out of the window, outside.

Hogwarts grounds are massive, he would never find him outside, yet perhaps Malfoy wanted to be somewhere no one could find him, Harry's eyes locked on the Quidditch pitch in sight. He was uncertain about his feelings, but something about that well known ground made his path obvious

Tucking the map under his pillow, Harry decided to pay the sly Slytherins a visit.

The Hogwarts grounds under the starlight brought Harry a well missed feeling of adventure, just him making  his way only for beautiful fireflies to follow, as the quidditch pitch got bigger Harry filled up with doubt, he really didn't want to fight again, there's also a high chance that Malfoy won't even be there, and then Harry would be a simple idiot running off to the quidditch pitch at night, luckily for him, Malfoy was there, he noticed him after he entered the sitting area, wondering if Draco simply decided to hide from the unwanted eyes, but turns out Malfoy was laying right down the middle of the pitch with his legs and arms wide open on the green grass with a bunch of Solus sitting right on his belly.

Harry sighed, of course Malfoy had to lay right in the middle, he's such a drama queen. Getting down from the tribune Harry took out his wand, just in case the brat required some hexing, the grass giving him out as he got closer to the blond

“do not annoy me” Harry pointed his wand at him “I just want to talk”, Malfoy rolled his eyes, not even looking at him “ do whatever you want, not like I can get up now” he said, his tone bored and monotonic as he pointed at the Solus on his body. Lowering his wand Harry sat down on the grass, not too far from Malfoy, just as close as necessary for them to have a normal conversation.

Both of them kept silent for a while, not that they  really wanted to have a conversation, in hope to amuse himself Harry just picked grass, throwing it aside to pick an another batch 

Malfoy’s expression was unreadable, he was definitely exhausted his tired eyes gazing at the stars aimlessly, Harry couldn't help but to feel how awkward the whole situation was, he was the one who came here to talk, yet he was just sitting there, definitely not talking.

“They don't allow me to play Quidditch anymore” Malfoy suddenly said 

“What?” Harry looked at him now, he and Malfoy were rivals since day one, and playing Quidditch against each other was definitely one of the things that kept their rivalry going, Malfoy never managed to catch the snitch when they played but Harry definitely lived for his frustrated reaction afterwards

“Told me a death eater doesn't belong in the Quidditch team,that the crowd will go nuts, so I'm suspended” his heart clenched, he never cared about Malfoy much but a Quidditch match against the Slytherins without him would be so different, a bad kind of different.

Not looking at him, Malfoy went on “Quidditch is fun, too bad you kept winning”  Harry scoffed at that, quite surprised they didn't strangle each other yet “well, I am obviously superior” Malfoy rolled his eyes “you're lucky those heavy fuckers are on me now, otherwise I'd push your face in the mud” 

“You'd get detention”

“Worth it”

Harry felt a soft chuckle leaving his body, who knew they'd be having a conversation “you miss it?” Harry asked, Malfoy's  face finally turned to him “Quidditch” he added, feeling quite uneasy now that they were looking at each other “yeah” he said simply, humming, Harry shifted to a solus on Malfoy's chest, it was the most frequent one, the Solus he sketched during one lesson “how long have they been sticking to you?”  letting his gaze fall on the creatures, Malfoy shuddered “a month or so, since we got back to Hogwarts”  somehow that surprised him, he was sure they were something Malfoy got before returning to school, yet again, there's nothing they knew about the solus besides their name “are they soft?” Harry reached out his hand to touch the creature

“Don't try it, they will bite your hand off-what?!” Malfoy exclaimed as the creature rubbed it's head against Harry's hand, practically  _ purring  _ “what the fuck-” the blond tried to get up but the creatures hissed at him to get back down, Harry snorted “solid proof of how unloveable you are, face the truth Malfoy, they're pretty cute” 

“They're most definitely not!!” It was amusing to see how worked out the Slytherin became from the Solus showing the slightest sign of affection towards Harry, he angrily tried to push them off himself only to cry in pain when they jumped on him and bit him “Fucking shit!” Malfoy rolled on the grass rubbing his hand dramatically, Harry let himself slide down onto the grass, laying on it as well, the cold grass at his back surprisingly calming, he heard the grass rustle at his side as Malfoy rolled back into his previous position, both of them looking at the star filled sky, taking a deep breath Harry felt like he could understand why Malfoy chose to hide here instead of anywhere else, thinking about it now, he will probably miss playing Quidditch against Draco Malfoy, the git is loud and obnoxious, always bragging about what his father bought him and how much better he is at everything, beating him each and every time was definitely satisfying, they just laid there silently, though they did talk a little Harry kept having that uncomfortable feeling that he had to say something, unable to have comfortable silence with Malfoy just yet “so, help, yeah” he mumbled awkwardly, he heard Malfoy sigh at his side “Merlin Potter, I need a bloody therapist not your concern” now Harry rolled his eyes, there we go, the sassy Malfoy is back again

“Why do you care anyway?” An another rustle, Harry felt Malfoy's gaze on him, “honestly, I don't know, not like you deserve it” Harry said, his eyes locked on the shining stars “just want to I guess” 

Malfoy chuckled “kind people are mad”, this time, Harry turned to face him, their eyes meeting “which is why you sane people are undoubtedly evil” Harry answered, noticing the little quirk on Malfoy's lips, the dark circles under his eyes were visible even during the darkest nights, sighing, Malfoy rubbed his eyes heavily, pushing himself off the ground with effort, tiny pieces of grass sticking out his blond hair “I should go back” he murmured lazily, Solus falling on his thighs as he rose them, Harry agreed, he was quite sure it was way past their bedtime and if filch would catch them outside now, they would have to serve an awful detention, and as much of an okay time he was having this evening, he wouldn't want to spend with Malfoy more time than necessary, thus both of them got up brushing excess grass off their bodies. Their way back to the castle was silent, besides Solus and Quidditch they didn't really have anything to talk about, so they walked their way through the night only their breathing and the soft rustles of the grass of their each footstep to accompany them, from time to time Harry looked at the creatures, out of simple curiosity since they never get to be this close, what he noticed is that the Solus are way more visible at night,as if it was their domain, it looked like they had a bit of purple glow surrounding them, he wondered what's its purpose, and yet again, asked himself the repeating question; why was he the only one seeing them? What in the world connected the two unlikely boys who hate each other?  Maybe now that they succeeded to have a conversation without hexing each other, they could research about them a little more.

Quickly enough they arrived back to the castle, splitting their ways as they reached the candle lit hallway, each heading for their dorm only for Harry to be stopped suddenly “Potter” Malfoy hissed from behind him, he rose an eyebrow in question “about help, I want it.” Malfoy said, looking a bit uncomfortable in the situation, Harry smirked “oh is that so? Finally changed your mind?”

“No I just think that if the creatures like you enough they would leave me alone to bully you instead, and came to an understanding that I like that idea” of course, Harry thought, rolling his eyes before he flipped Malfoy off and left towards the Gryffindor tower.

  
  


* * *

 

When he reached the Slytherin common room safely escaping Filch and his disgusting cat, Draco flopped into one of the velvet sofas exhaling loudly, the common room was empty just dim green lights and the fireplace softly cracking it's last embers filling up the usually cold room with warmth, Draco closed his eyes and enjoyed the quiet, it was quite soothing, no eyes to peer at him, no people to disappoint.

His short chat with Potter made him wonder about a lot of things, especially about how calm he felt around him, as if the creatures got tired of teasing him and took a nap, letting him (quite surprisingly) enjoy the moment, he wondered about Potter's intentions with all of this, was Draco so miserable for him to pity and come to aid? Draco's eyelids flutter close as he recalled the feeling of the cool grass, the fresh smell not leaving him quite yet, he was honestly so worn out he didn't mind Potter's presence, he even gathered the strength to tell him about Quidditch, something in him whispered to do that, they played against each other for so long after all, he felt like Potter simply had to know.

One last thing he wondered about, was the fact that he asked Potter for help, without completely destroying it this time, there was just one thing Draco was unsure of, how could Potter help? It's not like he can change Draco or his rotted past, the Draco he's dealing with is a pretty mess and to all honesty Draco was uncertain Potter could handle him, well, Potter did put him under a circumstance,  _ to be good. _

Now the thing is about being good, Draco had no idea how to do so, how do you become kind, after many years of you trying not to?  He opened his eyes, sleepily gazing at the ceiling, he jolted awake however, when he heard a loud thud coming from the girl’s dorms, turning around in it's direction, Draco gasps “Pansy..?” she was curled up at the end if the staircase, her hands reaching to pick up a hair comb, she froze in place clearly not expecting Draco to notice her, her eyes were heavy and saddened, Draco sighed, his shoulders dropping “Pansy… why are you awake?” The girl failed to meet his eyes, picking up the comb clumsily, almost dropping it again, If Draco didn't know her he'd think she was just sleepy, but Draco did know her, better than anyone else, Pansy was nervous, she always brushes her hair to calm down, an anxious habit of hers, knowing the obvious answer, he still asked “why the comb?” Pansy stuttered, mumbling sweet nothings as her watery eyes ran around the room’s carpet “j-just going out haha… going to make out with some boys-” 

“Pansy.” He looked at her, his annoyed expression making her drop her gaze, he immediately softened from her sight “Pansy… listen, can you sit down for a sec?” He murmured softly, patting the couch he was sitting on for her to come closer, she eyed the spot for a mere while, nodding a bit hesitant  before sitting down besides him, Draco leaned onto the back of the couch, his eyes locked on the dying fire “I'm sorry I blew off on you” he said, meaning it, Pansy was his friend and never meant him any harm, if he has to be 'good’ better start apologizing. He knew she won't answer, she was brushing her hair carefully, listening. “I don't want this to come out as an excuse to me being an asshole but, I haven't been okay the past month” he ran these words though his head a bunch of times, only now realizing how scary it was actually saying them “I've been… possessed by some kind of creature.. I think it makes me feel bad” Pansy was now looking at him, her dark eyes leaking with tears,” I know I should've told you I just...I don't know, I've been scared I guess” he went on, his voice low and quiet, a side of him afraid that someone else could hear. “I know” pansy answered with a similar tone, her voice a tad raspy “Potter told me, I wasn't quite sure it was true”  Draco's eyes widen in surprise, Potter? When did he have the time to chat with his friends?, Shaking her head, Pansy smiled softly “I guess it is the truth then..” something In Draco's heart leaped, what if she think he's cursed? What if she will be angry for him not telling her such an important part leaving him alone-

“Man Draco you're such a bitch” Pansy sobbed, pushing his shoulder playfully, “always keeping things to yourself”  Draco’s worry melted away in awe, she did worry about him a lot, and he simply shut her out like that, Pansy did not deserve it and she knew that, yet always stuck around at his side 

“You should trust your friends you know?” Pansy stopped brushing her hair, holding the comb in her hands as they rested on her thighs, Draco nodded, feeling his nose become runny again, this day was filled up with an awful amount of crying, he just wished to go to bed, sharing tender smiles with each other, Draco pulled her into hug, visibly relaxing as her warmth spread around his body, he let himself hide in the crook of her neck, enjoying the weight leaving his shoulders for a little while, while it's not entirely gone, perhaps it may never leave, but when his best friend holds him in her arms like that, he may be able to deal with it a little better.

 

“Thank you..” he murmured as they parted,Pansy chuckled and pulled a piece if grass out of his hair “where have you been?” She blew the grass away from her fingers as if it was the most delicate feather, “procrastinated on the Quidditch pitch” he said, rubbing his head so he could get more grass out “classic” Pansy stretched out, yawning, Draco had to agree “I met Potter there, we chatted for a little bit” 

“You? And Potter?” Pansy gasped, immediately checking for bruises “we didn't fight.” He groaned, now she was pressing her palm against his forehead, making sure that her dear friend is not delusional 

“I don't have a fever Pansy. I was surprised too.”

He leaned back making her remove her hand from his forehead “really? I thought you felt a little warm” Pansy teased,a long missed smirk curling on her face, he couldn't help but roll his eyes on that, but really, how come he and Potter didn't fight? The git just came up to him and threatened him with his wand implying that he wants to talk, and Draco found himself not minding a little chat, even if it's Potter.

After their fight in the great hall Draco ran around in circles, unsure of where to go until he saw the Slytherin Quidditch team making their way to an another training Draco could never attend, so he followed, watching them from afar as they were living the teenage life Draco had no right having, their new seeker- his name is Max he thinks? Is very nervous and clumsy, always getting caught up in his teammates doings instead of catching the snitch, Draco would do it better, he'd wrap his hands around the well known wood of his broom, feeling how smooth it became after many years of usage, even though he always got the newest models and never stayed with the same one, all his brooms worn out quickly, he liked it, how it looked when it's no longer brand new, he'd close his eyes and enjoy the freedom of flying for a little while his teammates got ready and released the snitch, he'd open his eyes and gaze on the green land feeling the cold wind blowing his hair in many directions, and when the training began, he'd fly after the golden ball feeling the excitement each time his finger were about about to touch the cold metal. His heart ached as he watched, flying his broom like was no longer his privilege, instead he had to go into the shadow, watch them from afar.

When the evening broke down and a group of sweaty teenagers left, the pitch belonged to him, so he got up from his seat and got down to the grass enjoying it rustle under his feet, he missed visiting this glass frequently, kicking it when he lost or jumping on it with his team in shrieks as they won a game, but not his broom nor this grass belonged to him, not anymore.

The weight on his back became unbearable, so he spread out on the grass, looking at the stars aimlessly as time slipped by. When Potter arrived he had no power to move, especially with the bunch of creatures on his chest that will probably scratch his face off if he moves, thus he stayed, bored of the awkward silence Potter has created with his arrival. He wasn't sure what made  _ him  _ start the conversation, especially about Quidditch, but Pansy wouldn’t understand, not that she would listen to him now, telling it to his all time rival felt like a must,he felt like was tearing down a pattern painfully,he had to tell him, so he did.

Potter's response left him slightly awed, he wouldn't expect him to react like that yet somehow they fell into a small conversation, words falling easily out of Draco's mouth, he hates to admit it, but it was nice.

Falling back into the sofa Pansy sighed, blowing her bangs out of her face “well.. I kinda saw that coming… since Potter talked with me and stuff” his eyebrows shot up in confusion, Potter? Talking with Pansy? That was even more unlikely that Potter talking with him about Quidditch “he did?” Draco bluntly asked, feeling a bit stupid after that, Pansy nodded “yeah, and Granger went and made up with me and shit” now Draco was practically choking on air “Granger-? Are you serious?” He knew better that everyone that Pansy and Granger  _ do not  _  go together, they completely hate each other's guts, so for them to make up is...weird. this whole situation is weird. “And what did you say?” 

“I agreed” Pansy admitted, sinking deeper into the sofa “they said they can help you” even through the darkest of nights he'd notice that faint blush appearing on her cheeks, it made his heart melt, even when Draco was being an asshole she was still caring about him deeply, that's what friends are for though, for caring about you even when you are an asshole.

* * *

 

 

The plan is simple, they decided to gather up in the library after their lessons in order to search for information, their group consisted of three Gryffindors( Harry, Ron and Hermione) and the same about of Slytherins (Draco,Pansy,Blaise) creating a group of six angsty teenagers that wanted to know what the fuck are those creatures are.

“Okay.” Hermione clapped her hands when everyone gathered up around her, the Slytherins made sure to look separated of course, the three of them snuggled together away from them, just to keep a safe distance. “First of all, let's set rules.” She spoke, her voice low but determined “rule number one, don't fight.” Her eyes flicked between him and Malfoy, who Harry noticed rolled his eyes annoyingly, the Slytherins seemed uncomfortable in their presence, but they had no choice if they wanted to help their friend so they stayed “okay that's about it let's begin.” Hermione smiled, collecting her hair into a thick ponytail “wait what?” Malfoy hissed at her, his voice tense “why are your rules only regarding us?”  But Hermione paid him no mind, turning her attention to Harry instead “the creatures we’re dealing with are most likely to be spirits, our only clue is the name  _ Solus  _ which we assume is what they're called.” Harry nodded at her, looking at the solus on Malfoy's back looking alarmed as she talked, pointing at the book shelves, Hermione went on “we will scan throughout the library, pulling out every book about caretures or spirits of any kind, and bring it to this desk” she placed her palm on the dark wood, leaning into it “I’m sure we can find some way to make them disappear”  while Malfoy clearly wasn't into Hermione being the leader, he furrowed his brows  in concentration as he listened to her, desperate to find any clues about the Solus, they separated between the many bookshelves each searching for helpful information, trailing his fingers over the leather book covers Harry carefully red through the printed letters, sometimes pulling out a book and scanning it, no, this one's no good,he thought, pushing it back to place. it was a frustrated groan from behind him which made him turn, peeking through the gap between the books Harry noticed books falling onto Malfoy while he desperately fought the creatures to get off the shelves, it was amusing to watch for a little while, the dark creatures leaped onto Malfoy’s face, jumped off him straight into the book shelves dropping books one after the other with Malfoy being their easy target but at some point Harry sighed “what's going on?” He asked him as he came over to the frustrated blond, when Malfoy noticed him he made sure Harry  _ sees  _ how angry he is at the situation “oh, Potter.” he rolled his eyes wincing as an another book landed on his face “ah fuck-” Malfoy whined in pain, Harry couldn't help but laugh , seeing Malfoy suffer like that is extremely satisfying especially after everything he's done “what is that Malfoy? You're losing to a bunch of fluffy midgets?” Harry teased, leaning onto the bookshelf casually “oh shut up Potter” Malfoy hissed at him picking the fallen book off the floor “they won't let me do  _ anything _ ” his tone was whiny and dramatic, very Malfoy like- super annoying. “Oh they won't?” 

“Can't you see!?” Malfoy exclaimed, shoving a Solus out of his face while the others scratched his neck and pulled his hair  “seems harmless to me.” Harry felt a smug smirk tug on his face, crossing his arms over his chest he leaned back and watched Malfoy’s suffering “look, they're cute” Harry pulled one Solus away from the boy, pulling at Malfoy's robe a little as the creature refused to release its fangs, he was immediately overwhelmed “woah- he's a heavy guy-” Harry murmured as the furry spirit curled up in his arms, Malfoy gaped at him in utter shock “how do you handle all of these? Aren't they heavy?” Harry's eyes flickered at the dozen creatures on Malfoy's back, only one of them was making Harry's arms feel numb, how the fuck does Malfoy deal with  _ all of these  _ “very” Malfoy said simply, his face blank as he glared at the solus in Harry's hands  “why doesn't it bite you?” Malfoy's finger was pointing at the Solus, his gray eyes narrowing in disgust “maybe because I'm, I don't know, more likeable? Hotter even?” Malfoy snorted “hotter? Maybe in your dreams Potter”  he said,his arms reaching to grab a couple of Solus climbing on the shelves “what? You think I need your approval Malfoy?” Harry leaned in only to fall down as Malfoy dropped two creatures on his shoulders “fuck-- what are you doing-” Harry whined, trying his best to bend down without falling, which he failed the moment Malfoy added more weight, completely crashing Harry into the floor “aaaah it feels so good to be free!” Malfroy sneered, stretching lazily, looking at the situation now Harry realized that all the Solus.cling to  _ him  _ but instead of bullying him they simply purred “what the fuck Malfoy?”  Harry tried his best to get up but failed, simply giving in and sitting down on the floor, “what?” The now Solus free Malfoy skipped around him teasingly “you like them so much, so take them” he said, looking through the bookshelves at ease “I'm not spirit babysitter Malfoy, they're heavy!” 

“Oh you're not?” Malfoy returned him the same sneaky smile Harry was giving him not too long ago “ I don't know, seems harmless to me.”  He could practically see Malfoy’s ego floating with pride, that little fucker just treated Harry with the same medicine. “Oh come on Malfoy, don't you have feelings?” Now Harry was whining, as embarrassing as it was his thighs were getting numb and he wasn't sure he could handle that “no Potter, I do not have feelings, I'm a cold hearted snake.” Damn right he is, that jerk simply played around while Harry suffered, but really, he needs to take some credit for bearing them all the time, they may look small and harmless but they are really heavy, how did Malfoy stand it? While Malfoy was busy looking through books Harry let his eyes trail over Malfoy’s figure and his mind wander, his shoulders must be sore from all this, carrying around a bunch of spirits, do they follow him when he goes to the bathroom? Do they let him go when he showers? Harry shuddered from the thought of Malfoy showering,ew, why did he even think about that. 

“Potter, I think I found something” Malfoy said, pulling out a thin journal, scanning the cover, it was black leather with thin silver letters on it that Harry couldn't make out, what he did make out however was a drawing on the front cover, neatly sketched with the faint silver there was an image of a solus, what looked like it at least 

“We should show this to Hermione” he suggested, Malfoy hummed, the Solus didn't stay long, they leaped out of Harry's reach the moment their owner turned to leave, all climbing onto him, slowing his pace “why do you think uh…” Harry stumbled to catch up with the blond, brushing some dust off his pants “..I can see them? I mean, only the two of us, how could we be connected?” Malfoy's brows furrowed into a small frown “I guess now we will find out” he mumbled, placing the journal on the book filled table, Ron Hermione and the others gathered up a bunch of books about creatures that were all standing in packs on the wooden table, Hermione and Blaise were sitting at two different sides of the table, flipping through pages “nothing.” She groaned “not even in Fantastic beasts and where to find them! I can't believe it” Hermione closed the book with a thud, noticing the pair “oh Harry, did you find something?”  shrugging Harry pointed at Malfoy who gave her the journal “it has a solus drawn on it.” He said, his voice visibly sharp when he talks to Hermione, which she returned with her equally annoyed glances “I see. Let's look.” She opened the journal, it was all handwritten with the same silver ink, her eyes scanned through the pages quickly,Harry noticed that the sketches in this book were way more accurate that his were, Ron and Parkinson came shortly after, placing an another pile of books onto the table, both groaning lazily and flopping into a chair, each on a different side of the table. 

“Woah” she simply said, shooting her head up from the journal, her eyes gazing at Malfoy with a new light- concern. “Is it any good?” The blond asked, sitting down himself, Hermione nodded “yeah guys, it is a journal about them, there's an explanation” everyone leans in to listen carefully as she reads:

 

**_“Solus is a spirit attached to one's strong feelings, some tend to call them the physical embodiment of depression and anxiety, people sharing an unusual bond with the spirits or with each other could see them, while other individuals may not.”_ **

 

Everyone just gaped at her their eyes wide, cold silence flooding the table as they proceed the words “strong feelings..?” Malfoy fell back into his chair, his eyes flickering towards the Solus on his shoulder “depression and anxiety…? But I'm.. I'm not-” his expression turned into something uncertain, scared even, Hermione went on

 

**_“While the others may not even bother to notice their existence, only people who had reached the lowest point in their life could experience meeting a Solus, people tend to believe they do not really exist nor they are a real problem, yet their weight is heavy and burdening for their bearer, some tend to be lighter, which depends on the bearer’s psychological state.”_ **

 

Another silence. Staring down on the page, Hermione spoke “basically,they are spirits created from negative feelings, bringing more with them.” Her voice was quiet as if she didn't want to tear anything down, Parkinson gaped at a point on the desk, her eyes wide and brows furrowed, Zabini was in a similar state, just playing with his bracelet instead, it was still bloody confusing, why Harry saw the Solus if it belonged to Malfoy’s feelings? What kind of bond could they possibly share and why? 

“Is… is there's a way to… get rid of them..?” Malfoy mumbled quietly, it looked like something in his head just clicked, as if he finally got something he could never understand, Hermione flicked through the pages “there's.. a potion, a happy potion, perhaps happy feelings could withstand the bad ones?” Something about the way Hermione said it made Harry wince, you can't just make someone happy out of nowhere, being happy won't necessarily heal someone who's broken Harry knew that more than anyone that during dark times you can’t just heal from happy feelings, but perhaps Hermione and her logical thinking could not get that.

Looking at Malfoy, Harry fell into a deep thought, a person is not just good and bad feelings, not everything can be so black and white,a person is colorful, filled with all kinds of feelings and colors, you can't just  _ decide  _ which feelings are bad, that's not something that's written in a textbook. and Malfoy’s color is uncertain, it’s pale, it’s soft, perhaps Malfoy is a mix of many pastel colors- are cold but still meaningful, not less important than the vibrant ones.

Looking through the journal, Hermione pulled out a piece of parchment out of her bag “I'll write down the recipe and hand it to you” she said as she scribbled down the ingredients and gave it to him “I'll borrow this journal and research it a bit more, for now…” she closed the journal, putting it into her bag, her eyes fixated on Harry

 

“I think you and Malfoy need to make this potion, together.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? writing fluff? what?  
> btw english is not my first language so i'm sorry if my grammer is bad, i really hope you enjoyed this chapter i thought that those kids need to chill and make up a little before they move on into learning more about the Solus and themselves, they are actually a methaphor for anxiety and depression( i hope i managed to show that well) since one of my ways of dealing with it is to embody my problems and turn them into characters, making it into something easier to deal with, i hope this story helps you too


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no matter of worth should be decided by skirt length.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYY IT'S YA BOI  
> thank you guys for all the notes <3 it makes me so happy, i'm always so excited to share a new chapter with you guys <3

**pride** ****  
**[prahyd]** **  
** **noun**

****  
**1.a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.** ****  
**  
** **2.the state or feeling of being proud.**

 

_ "Sometimes when you want to write about your feelings but you can't find the words, you keep them inside, and they twist and turn inside your belly, the ink you've never spilled curling up into something that never fails to exist, black ink of your hopes and feelings, never reaching the paper, spilling out the words in forms unimaginable” _

 

That was an another clue the anonymous writer left them, written in silver just under the printed words the teens failed to understand, while the explanation in the journal revealed everything to them, Draco still felt that they knew nothing about the solus, nor why they stuck to him.

After the war many experienced negative feelings, losing friends and family, leaving their homes in order to start over a life Voldemort shamelessly took away from them, just like the thestrals made themselves visible for all the newcomer students, their sight wasn't an exciting discovery but more of a bitter truth, those children saw death, in its true form.

Everyone experienced pain, anxiety and any kind of discomfort, all forcing forced positivity to hide the ache of their hearts, maybe that's why the Solus did stick with him, Draco had no filters on his feelings, he wasn't brave enough.

Maybe they stuck to the most pathetic, an ex death eater with a rough start, an easy target for spirits to bully, yet that didn't explain why Potter could see them.

“We still need to get ingredients” Pansy said one day when they paid yet an another visit to the library to search through the journal,all squeezed into a small table surrounding Granger, who nodded “yeah we do,it is an unknown potion but perhaps Slughorn will have something” she red through the journal many times, and while the printed words made some kinds of sense, the silver notes didn't, perhaps the person writing it tried to explain cut out letters from a book of some kind, as if it was less of a fact but more of a private experience using weird metaphors. “We also have a hogsmeade weekend coming! So we might be able to get something in the village” Weasley suggested while leaning onto table besides his girlfriend “yeah but I don't think I'll have time to research before the quidditch match” Potter added, he was besides his friends idly reading through some spellbook, of course getting rid of the creatures wasn't as urgent for Potter as it was to him, they weren't bullying him on a daily basis,but Draco knew Potter couldn't care less when the Quidditch season is coming, not that Draco had anything to do with it now, he was banned both from hogsmeade weekends and Quidditch, so he might as well be bitter, and a little bit needy, just a little bit. “Pfft, of course you don't, the all mighty Potter would  _ never  _ miss out on Quidditch, his name is too important for the team” Draco whined enjoying the view as he was pushing at Potter's edges “my name has nothing to do with it Malfoy.” The dark haired boy spat at him “unlike you, I was actually taken in thanks to my skill.” Draco rolled his eyes on that, he was no longer 'taken in’ but alright “you say I have no skill?” Draco crossed his arms over his chest, Potter started getting on his nerves “exactly.” The git nodded,his spell book long forgotten, Draco sneered “I don't recon eating a snitch counts as skill” 

“I don't recon buying your way into the Quidditch team counts as skill either” Weasley cheered at that, letting out an annoying 'oooh’ while high fiving his friend over the table. For a minute Draco really wished the Solus would cling to Potter instead, having the chosen one fighting over the balance on his broom with a bunch of invisible midgets crawling over him would have been quite a sight “enough with your Quidditch babbling, I have a date to attend” Pansy groaned besides him, she spent her time painting her nails instead of you know, helping out, but she was there for the emotional support anyway “no one forces you to stay.” Granger murmured hiding her face behind the journal “believe me we won't miss you if you'd go”  

“Shut your hole Granger” Pansy hissed, closing the black nail polish container, Granger slapped the journal onto the table, glaring at her “oh shut my hole? Honey at least I don't have to close my legs to do that.” Draco heard himself gasp, Pansy and Blaise doing the same “what the fuck did you say-” Pansy's hands hit the table hard, noticing the snickering Weasley hiding behind his stupid girlfriend Draco got pissed as well “what’s so funny weasel? Like hiding behind your whore of a girlfriend?” Now Potter was slamming onto the table “hey!! You take that back you scum!” And just like that, the whole table broke into screams and shouts each coming for each other, even though they should be working together their long lasting hate for each other won't disappear quite yet, or never since Draco really felt like hexing Potter right now, or Weasley, or Granger, Merlin he just wishes for the three of them to disappear-

“SHHH!!!”  A loud hiss broke down their bickering for shortly after they were all kicked out of the library.

“This is all your fault!” Granger groaned, stomping loudly through the hallway “my fault?!”  Pansy shrieked, following her “I'm not the one calling you a slut!” Stopping suddenly Granger turned around “oh so you don't open your legs up for anyone who wants it?” standing her ground, Pansy bit her lower lip, it was an ongoing rumor about her after all, no matter how many people Draco and Blaise had to bully to take their words back, since Pansy may like to wear short skirts and bright lipstick, but that says nothing about her nor her habits, the fact the she's overly confident with her body brought many thirsty teenagers to her dorm, but Pansy really just believed in pure romance, disappointed when people reached her body everytime, Draco knew more than anyone that there's nothing bad in wearing revealing clothes, it's not her fault people spread rumors like that, Draco strongly believed no one should be judged by the clothes they wear, kind of ironic considering him bullying Weasley for his hand me down clothes more than one occasion, but Pansy was different, she was anxious and constantly hurt, giving too many people more chances than they deserve, creating an image of a girl who’s 'too giving’. 

“Oh you wouldn't know.” Pansy murmured through gritted teeth, her voice quite raspy “I don't want to know Parkinson.” Granger said, her voice raw with anger “you said you wanted to make up didn't you?!” Pansy stepped into her personal space, her finger poking her chest making Granger wince with pain “that's not how you make up with someone.” Eyes widening, Granger seemed to be a little taken aback by Pansy's statement,her anger suddenly melting, deep inside Draco wished people would understand Pansy, Granger always seemed to be a smart person, no matter how much of a hard time Draco had admitting that, but it is expected of her to learn from her mistakes and be the bigger person “everyone stumbles” Pansy's voice turned into a whisper, her head dropping onto Granger's shoulder softly “it's not like I want to be seen like that” it seemed like a private moment, freezing everyone in place, Draco felt he didn't quite have the right to watch this, how Pansy takes little steps to get better trying to open up to people while he simply shuts everyone out, Granger was shaken just like everyone else,her eyes wide and confused as if something heavy just sunk in, pushing away from her Pansy stepped back a little, her face dark “got a date. Bye.” Thus she left. Leaving everyone behind her as her footsteps echoed through the hallway. “Wow, way to go Granger, and I thought being a war hero taught you something” Blaise glared at her,his tall figure overwhelming next to her “i- I didn't-” unexpectedly, Granger suddenly curled up and started crying, Potter and Weasley immediately coming down to her “hey- Hermione hey-” Weasley called out, his shaky voice followed his his trembling pats on the back, Draco was genuinely surprised she suddenly just started crying, as if she cared.

“What are you crying for.” He found himself asking, his voice sharp just like hers was a couple minutes ago, Potter was ready to shoot something back at him but Granger cut him off “she's right, that's not how you make up with someone…” it was weird, Granger always seemed to be a tough person,heck, she punched him in the face once. So seeing her  _ crying  _ like that seriously surprised him “I'm sorry…” she mumbled, but Draco couldn't feel soft towards her just yet “I'm not the one you should be saying this to.” He said, grabbing Blaise and leaving too, enough Gryffindor interaction for one bloody day.

 

Their break didn't last long however, as both the Gryffindors and the Slytherins gathered up in the Potion classroom waiting for Slughorn to begin the lesson, Draco noticed Grangers distant glancing at him, she looked like a beaten puppy, it was sad to look at. 

“Welcome welcome!” The cheerful professor leaped  into the classroom, killing off all the chatter in the room as students settled down into their seats waiting for the lesson to begin. “as you all already know, Quidditch season is coming!” Slughorn leaned into the teachers table, his cheesy smile shining brightly “and many of you tend to get tired between your hard work on your studies and your trainings! So today's potion is an energy potion!” Draco rolled his eyes, great,  now everything will be about Quidditch Draco could no longer attend, as if he needed anything else to rub salt into his bruises. Scribbling down the recipe on the board Slughorn explained “this one is rather complicated, you need to cut all the listed ingredients thinly and boil it down according to my instructions, at the half hour mark you potion should turn completely see through, you have an hour, at the end of the lesson each and everyone of you will be graded individually, the highest grade earning house points, good luck!” Slughorn flopped into his seat, clapping his hands cheerfully as the students ran around the classroom grabbing ingredients, lately Draco has been feeling slightly better, learning to cope with the creatures so he wouldn't fail all of his classes, he really needs to think how he should make that bloody potion for them to go away, so this lesson is just in time.

Chopping the ingredients carefully he tossed them into the cauldron one by one, slightly disgusted that someone would gain energy from troll nails but went on and crushed them into powder anyways, the recipe suggested that the ginger should be cut into thick slices turning the brewing consistency dark purple but he found it easier to simply turn it into powder as well, it will melt down easily, he really liked experimenting with potions to his own taste, it's one of the tricks Snape taught him: trust yourself. 

As he added the powder the potion turned dark purple, great, he smiled, stirring it slowly so it will get mixed better, this should brew for a couple of minutes before going forward to the next step, letting his eyes trail around the room  he noticed Grangers potion having a greenish undertone to it, she was a couple of steps ahead of him, already about to add the Phoenix tears to make it see through, it was the wrong consistency, but she could still fix it, he wasn't sure what made him talk, especially considering Potter's potion had turned pitch black long ago, Weasley simply made a slimy blob. “You're doing it wrong” he said to her, stepping to the golden trio’s table “you should add more ginger, that should fix it” Granger shot her glare up to him, sniffing “I know how to make a potion Malfoy.” he couldn't help but scoff “I'm trying to  _ help  _ Granger” 

“Oh I doubt that.” Weasley added in, his slime catching on fire “I've been following the recipe perfectly.” She stated, adding Phoenix tears “I don't need you messing up with my potion.” her potion turned see through, but not entirely clear, Draco sighed “fine fine” before going back to his concussion, adding dry frog legs and mixing them in until they dissolve, clearly enjoying Weasley’s shrieks as he tried to turn off the fire, what he didn't know is, that adding water into this mixture will make it explode.

“AAAAHHHH” Weasley cried out as the cauldron exploded on him, Draco could've told him that, but he's not supposed to 'mess around’ with their potions, so he didn't.

“Oh my gosh Ron are you alright?!” Granger wailed, smiling to himself, Draco dropped Phoenix tears into the potion.

After the panic died down and Slughorn used a cleaning spell to fix up Weasley's mess, the professor sighed “okay students time's out, time for me to grade your potions!” He smiled cheerfully even though his face was filled with dirt, a leftover from Weasley's 'potion’, Slughorn walked around the classroom, checking everyone's potions and grading them, Grander practically vibrated on her spot as the professor reached her, inspecting her potion, humming “great work miss Granger, but the consistency is not quite right, it's a B” her face slowly turned white, while Slughorn inspected her friend's failures she searched through her notes, looking at each and everyone of them in disarray “wha- how? I followed the recipe-” her eyes scanned through the notes quickly, murmuring F's both to Potter and Weasley, Slughorn turned to Draco inspecting his creation, his old face shining as he looked into the cauldron “Marvelous work  Mr.Malfoy! That's an A, five house points going to the Slytherins today” he patted his shoulder lightly “WHAT” Granger shrieked from behind him as Slughorn turned to inspect Blaise, Draco felt a smirk curling up on his face, ah, the sweet taste of victory.

Stomping to his table, Granger looked into his cauldron, gasping “what- how?!” She had her notes crushed in her fists as her eyes flickered between Draco and his potions “what is it Granger?” Draco's smirk widened “didn't you want me not to mess with your potions?” Her mouth was hanging open and she was quickly to close it “oh shut up!! I followed the recipe perfectly!! You definitely cheated!”  his eyebrow quirked up, the smug expression not leaving his face just yet “cheated? Oh please, I may be a Slytherin but I don't need to cheat in order to make a decent potion, just admit that I'm simply better.” This felt so good, driving Granger to the edge was definitely a sight to remember “what!” She gasped “you're not better!!! explain how you did this immediately!” She demanded, scanning through  _ his  _ notes now, resting his hand on the table Draco simply enjoyed her losing her cool “oh you want to know?”  He felt warmth spread around him noticing Blaise wrapped his arm around him “give up Granger, he ain't telling you nothing”  Granger groaned, comparing their notes “and why is that!!” She stomped her feet on the ground frustratedly, pouting “c’mon Hermione..it's just a potion, you did very well..” Weasley mumbled from behind her, his red hair sticking in many different directions, Potter nodded besides him “I didn't do well! I got a B! I never get B’s!” Draco cooed “ooh poor Granger, getting a B! How can you possibly survive that?”  Doing better than Hermione Granger definitely has its perks, he’s usually just one step behind her, always good and smart, but never the best, never the smartest, she always stole this title from him, bringing many shouts from his father with it, that's why he hated her.

“Oh sod off Malfoy!” Potter rolled his eyes, pulling Granger away from him.

* * *

 

 

They had planned meeting in Myrtle's bathroom after dinner, making this place their potion brewing station but they still didn't find the ingredients,which they planned to talk about in the bathroom too, right now Harry was delightfully enjoying his dinner, chewing on some chicken and rice half listening to his friends conversation, Hermione had finished eating long ago her plate replaced with a thick potions book, today's homework Harry will care about at midnight after he will do his daily dose of procrastination. Hermione glared at the parchment her eyebrows curled together into an intense frown, Ron shoving food inside his throat besides her. “Having trouble with Homework?” Harry peeked onto her piece of parchment, it was filled up with messed up scribbles he couldn't make up “I just… don't get it..” she whined, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands “m’be  y’shou’ld take a br’ek” Ron babbled with his mouth fool, peering at her while chewing on some turkey “no I want to finish it today..” Hermione's glance fell back onto the paper, signing “sorry we can't help, we suck at potions..” Harry reassured her, patting her back softly, Hermione is really the best at everything, she's always working hard and succeeding, usually it's him and Ron who's asking her for help, suddenly Hermione got up from her seat collecting all of her papers “what? Where are you going?” Harry asked her, deeply regretting it the moment she grabbed his arm and led him through the great hall “H-Hermione?” He whined, bumping into her as he stopped in front of the Slytherin table.

dropping her books onto it with a loud thud, startled from the plates clacking Malfoy looked up,his fork dropping “Malfoy.” She stated, flopping onto an empty seat besides him, Harry felt his throat go dry “help me.” Hermione pulled her parchment showing it to him as the blond gaped at her blankly “I beg your pardon?” Malfoy asked, eyes flickering between her and the potion books, Hermione settled into the seat “I can't understand today's homework at all, so if you're such a potion genius-” she scowled while saying that “you might as well help me.” The whole Slytherin table went silent, all looking at Hermione Granger, one of the golden trio, a war hero, sitting casually next to a _ death eater,  _ unsure of what to do Harry sat down as well, Hermione had absolutely no reason at all bringing him with her but guess that's what they're doing now, It took a while for Malfoy to process it before he snapped back and finally spoke “should I be taking this as a compliment..?” His voice was filled with utter concern, Harry leaned into his palm and watched “just help her Malfoy, she won't leave you alone” only now he seemed to notice Harry's presence, rolling his eyes the Solus curiously peering at his long forgotten meal “go on” he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest with a bored expression, Hermione lit up “ great! So I was sitting on my homework and you know how you need to research about the effects of Phoenix tears and why it's better than the Unicorn ones? So I tried to find a couple of potions-” and so Hermione went on with her babbling, talking so quickly Harry couldn't understand a word of what's she's saying, which is ironic considering he's been given the same task. But it seemed like Malfoy was listening to her carefully, nodding and humming as she talked, at some point he simply took her piece of parchment and eyed it while Hermione talked, his eyes focused on her handwriting instead of the words coming out of her mouth “that,” he cut her off, pointing at several points in her essay “is wrong.” Hermione frowned, looking at her writing again “what? Why? I think it's great.” Even though she was the one asking for help, Hermione definitely did not like to be wrong, she had to understand everything about her mistake before she admits that she made a mistake “what do you mean why? Because the sleeping potion does not have any unicorn tears in it, duh” Draco said it as if it was a matter of fact, Harry simply wondered what the fuck a sleeping potion is. Hermione grabbed her book and flipped through the pages aggressively, shoving it into Malfoy’s face “here! I'm right” Malfoy leaned back a little, scanning the page “that does not make any sense at all.” 

“And why is that?”

“Well that's because-” now Malfoy began babbling, unknown words and spells flooding Harry's brain, turning it into some kind of spaghetti “here we go” Blaise sighed besides him, face palming “once Draco starts talking he never shuts up” turning his attention back to the blond Harry noticed the glint in his eyes as he talked with Hermione, each saying complicated words Harry could never understand, something about Malfoy seemed... different, softer even, it looked like he got so excited over Hermione's doubt towards him so he does his best to prove her wrong, he seemed so  _ passionate  _ when he talked, it brought Harry a weird feeling in his stomach, his eyes unable to leave Malfoy’s speaking figure, the words that he and Hermione were saying kind of disappearing, god, Potions sure are complicated.

“Harry tell him he's wrong!” He was brought back by Hermione's groan, shaking his head a little Harry noticed that he was staring, what the fuck “uh--” he mumbled only to be cut off by Malfoy “oh please he doesn't understand- give me this!” He grabbed Hermione's quill writing down some quick combinations, shoving it to her face “here, see? It all makes sense!” how long was it since they started bickering? The great hall seemed to be half empty “no it does not!” Hermione took back her quill scribbling a new set of combinations right next to Malfoy's, Harry now noticed that the whole parchment was filled up with quick notes and different ingredient combinations, all supposedly for a potion, rolling his eyes Malfoy sighed “you are absolutely horrible,how can you be so bloody annoying?” Hermione frowned, sticking her tongue at him  “at least finally you get how we all feel, with you talking about your bullshit non-stop” Parkinson said suddenly, startling Hermione a little, recalling their last fight she still felt ashamed, honestly Harry didn't even notice she was there before she talked,the Slytherin girl was playing with her fork idly spinning it in her hand as her arm rested on the table “I mean, you never shut up” her voice was soft and teasing, smirk curled up in Malfoy's direction, her eyes filled with a hint of sadness “what! I do shut up.” Malfoy stated “do you really?” Hermione joined in, her voice a bit uncertain,she tensed up the second Pansy's eyes locked with hers, expression cold and threatening, biting on her lower lip Hermione looked down apologetically “no you don't, you always go Potter this Potter that-” Pansy's glare replaced itself with a cunning smile making Hermione's shoulders drop in relief “what! I don't-” Malfoy tried defending himself, crimson coloring his cheeks “of course you do, I can hear your shit show from the Gryffindor table” Pansy practically wheezed at Hermione's comment, giving her a hive five over Malfoy's head, perhaps even the worst enemies could bond in order to tease him.

“What? Are you ganging up at me now?” Malfoy groaned, using both of his hands to push the girls away from each other, Hermione giggled “we're working together to defeat a common enemy” winking as Pansy sent her some finger guns “Sorry Draco honey but you are~ replaced ~” Parkinson danced around him to get to Hermione's side, gasping Malfoy clenched his chest dramatically “Oh no how can i possibly survive such betrayal?” He moaned leaning back as if he's been shot, opening his eyes he looked Hermione dead in the eye and murmured “take her.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Why did you forgive her?” Draco asked Pansy on their way to Myrtle’s bathroom, their trio walking through endless Hogwarts halls “because she didn't really mean it” Pansy's skirt swirled as she walked, she was skipping besides him, trying to stay away from the lines on the marble floor “you know what my mother used to say?” Turning on one of the floor blocks she stopped to face him “to trust people with kind eyes” stopping as well, Draco took the time to examine her expression, it was clear she was still hurt, still unsure of her decision, she may have been cheerful back in the great hall but Pansy wasn't as forgiving “does she have kind eyes?” Draco found himself asking, Pansy shrugged her shoulders drooping eyes locked onto her feet filled with deep thought “her eyes were  _ different”  _  Pansy's gaze met his “like she was no longer sure who I was” her words had something to it, normally Granger would never sit next to him nor consider his opinion about something, but now she was there, listening to everything he had to say and adding to it, it was unusual, perhaps the Gryffindors tried to find something human in them now, looking deeper than their evil persona “I think actually talking with me messed up with her mind” Pansy said, following as Draco and Blaise continued walking “that's a possibility, they definitely see something different in us” on Draco's other side Blaise walked, checking his watch occasionally “yeah, spirits” Draco sneered, hearing his friends snicker besides him, after a couple of minutes they reached Myrtle's bathroom, pushing the door killing off the chattering inside, in the middle of the room the Gryffindors sat down on the floor with a small cauldron between them, spell books and all kinds of notes spread around the floor with the journal in Grangers hands, they nodded to each other in greetings before closing the door behind them “so uh, what's up?” Pansy peeked from behind his shoulders her eyes scanning the room curiously “did you manage to gather some ingredients?”, Granger shook her head looking through the journal again “we may need to ask Slughorn for some” stepping in Draco kneeled down to look at the recipe again:

 

**Felices spiritus**

**1.Mermaids blue weed** ( _ crush and dissolve in water) _

**2.crystal salt** _ (add and bring to a boil) _

**3.Owner's hair** ( _ cut straight off the head) _

**4.Vampire powder** ( _ a table spoon, stir until becomes runny ) _

  
**5.Rose oil** ( _ two drops, good smell, good vibes) _

  
**6.Black ink** ( _ write your favorite word on paper, deep it while the ink is still fresh until it dissolves) _

 

“I don't think he will give us these Ingredients, some of them are very toxic”  Draco said, shivering from the thought of him drinking his own hair and black ink “we could always take it from his office” Weasley suggested over a book he was reading, pointing at it “mermaid weed is very hard to find apparently” 

“You suggest we sneak in? It's in Slughorn’s office, maybe we can keep him busy for a little while…” Biting on her thumb nail Granger calculated all the possible outcomes, sharing doubtful looks with Potter who nodded “I could seduce him or something” Pansy winked, settling herself down in the floor legs crossing “ew no, he's an old man that's disgusting” Granger’s face curled up as if she smelled the stinkiest sock “Merling Granger I'm joking!” Pansy groaned, leaning back onto her arms lazily letting her head drop  “sneaking in would not be a problem, but we need some kind of plan" Draco said 

“What, you're used to stealing stuff?” Weasley peeked through his book,his eyes narrowing on the blond, looking him dead in the eyes, Draco hissed “yes” being mildly satisfied from Weasley's concerned reaction, checking his pockets just to be sure. 

As the dark evening fell down on the Hogwarts grounds their group went out to borrow some things from their beloved potions professors office, as they tiptoed through the hall Weasley grunted when they noticed the light under the door shining brightly “he's still there!” He whined Granger shushing him, “what do we do?” The group leaned in as Blaise whispered “someone needs to be a decoy.” Granger bit on her thumbnail her eyes running between her party runners “I can do it, but you guys need to check that no one else is coming” Draco looked at the closed door, the professor liked him, he probably could find some potions to ask him about just enough to keep the old man busy “that's not a problem” Potter whispered, pulling out a brown piece of parchment out of his pocket, Weasley's eyes widening “what's that?” Draco asked, keeping his voice quiet so Slughorn wouldn't go out and check on them, if they will be caught sneaking out they will serve a mean detention “a marauders map, I used it to stalk you during our sixth year-” Potter unfolded it cheerfully, his face suddenly going pale “what?!” Draco hissed at him, yanking the clear piece of parchment out of Potter's grip examining what kind of mysterious powers that 'map’ might be having getting pissed off from Pansy's choked giggles besides him “n-nothing-” Potter mumbled, his expression selling him that it's definitely not nothing, pulling hard both of the boys fought for the poor piece of paper, each pulling to their direction “guys!” Granger slapped Draco's hand making him groan loudly as Potter won over the parchment and fell back on the floor “concentrate!” She whispered loudly, glaring Draco down to dismay “who's there?” Their professors voice made the teens freeze on their spot, he was most definitely  _ not  _ supposed to hear them, stupid Potter, that's all his fault, shooting him one last glare Draco got up, stepping into the light coming out of the office “i-it’s me professor” he coughed, trying hard to make his voice as soft as possible as he approaches the old man, the movement at the side of his eye telling him the group hid behind the corner “Draco? What are you doing here? It's late.”

The professor scolded him and Draco took the moment to peek over his shoulder to find out the office is empty, perfect, now he just needs to get him out, his heart hammering hard in his chest he took a deep breath the weight on his back more noticeable as he tried to look more vulnerable “I know it's just… I want to talk with you sir.. about uh...a thing only you could understand..” he knew it was working from the worrying expression on Slughorn's face, sighing the professor rubbed his nape “what's wrong child?”  Running through his thoughts Draco wondered about the best outcome while playing it as if it was hard to say “well…” his eyes ran down the hall, noticing his friends all snuggled up in the corner, he turned back to the teachers a little too quickly his head turning a bit dizzy “I've been suffering from uh- nightmares, yes, nightmares” an awkward smile settled on Slughorn's face, of course he was confused, Draco never really talked to him so just coming here in the middle of the night talking about a touchy subject is rather weird “w-what nightmares?” 

“About Voldemort” he wasn't sure why he said it, he could've just said spiders or something but no, something pulled his tongue to say  _ that name,  _ Slughorn winced from the name, Draco had to admit he felt a shudder too, but worse than everything was the hiss followed by a slap and an 'ow’ echoing through the dark hallway, immediately catching Slughorn's attention “who's there?!” The professor exclaimed, pulling out his wand and casting lumos, that's it they're dead they're definitely dead, idiots, Draco thought stumbling after the teacher who made his way to that forsaken corner, Merlin he will strangle them after that, panting heavily Draco tried to think fast or else he will find them-

Not thinking this through, Draco simply yelled “AH!!” Startling the poor teacher “oh my God Draco what now?” The old man turned to him frustratedly, his friends around the corner, literally, curling up on the floor Draco whined as dramatically as he could, holding onto his stomach “S-stomach ache--” Slughorn sighed, kneeling down next to him “you're okay?” 

“Yeah-” Draco painted, again, without really thinking, the man smiled “good, wait here for a second I'll just chest what that is-”  his throat going dry Draco grabbed onto his robe desperately yelping “NO! I'm not okay I'm definitely not okay I'm DYING” he let himself slide down on the floor, sobbing as he still clinged onto his teacher’s sleeve “I need to go to the hospital wing immediately sir- please- please take me there!”  Thank god he has spent his whole life being a dramatic spoiled brat, who knew he'll use it in a life or death situation one day, Slughorn winced uncomfortably, gently tugging his sleeve away from his grip “oh Merlin- here's I got you…” he let Draco lean onto him helping him walk, even though in reality he had absolutely no problem doing so, shushing his whines as they stumbled towards the hospital wing, how he will explain to miss Pomfrey that he has no actual stomach ache is a problem for future Draco to care about, for now he will stay strong fantasizing about strangling Potter and his friends when he will see them again.

 

* * *

 

“way to go Ron.” Hermione hissed at him, slapping his shoulder again, Zabini was already at his fifth eye roll since Malfoy went to confront their professor, rubbing on his throbbing shoulder Ron whined “he wouldn't hear us if you didn't hit me!” luckily for them Malfoy's dramatic act made Slughorn leave his office for a little while, but their time is limited, they had to find the ingredients for the potion. “Guys, not to interrupt your lovely quaffle but we have like, a thing to do” Parkinson already stood up, brushing off her wrinkled skirt, they were all kneeled down in the corner peeping to see when they will leave, ending up in a completely helpless situation when Ron reacted to Voldemort’s name a little too loudly, he hated to agree but she was right “yeah guys, let's go.” Exchanging quick glances they all snuck into the now empty office, it was rather small and cramped, the walls replaced with shelves full of all kinds of weird things, bones, frogs and bright liquids in tightly closed jars all spread neatly throughout the room, at the end of it stood a small wooden table piled with books and empty potion bottles, with one lonely coffee cup long forgotten on the table.

“Okay guys, we need to find it as quickly as possible, Harry, you search for the mermaid weed, Ron, the vampire powder, Slytherins, Crystal salt.” Hermione gave out orders swiftly, turning to start searching herself, now when he had one specific thing to search for Harry begun looking through the endless shelves, bottles in all shapes and sizes neatly labeled in front of him, everyone scattered the room quickly, all searching for the needed ingredients, blue mermaid weed, well, it has to be blue right? Scanning through the room Harry desperately searched for any hint of blue, his eyes stopping and reading through any label of a thing with a similar color, “found the salt” the Slytherins said in unison, handing Hermione a small purple bottle filled up with rather big Crysta junks, nodding Hermione reached up for a pastel pink bottle “I found the rose oil too, you guys need help?” Now Harry and Ron were the only ones not to find their assigned ingredients yet, a bit embarrassed Harry turned his attention back to searching, Merlin why is it so hard?  Eyes running through the many labels he finally found it, there it is, Blue mermaid weed, on the third row, he had to reach out of fetch it “I found it!” He smiled, his fingers seconds from touching the cold glass “I found mine too” Ron waved with the bottle cheerfully,they're so close- it's the movement of the door handle that threw them off guard, all of them turning to the door freezing on the spot, did Slughorn return already?! Grabbing the bottle Harry tucked it in his pocket exchanging terrified looks with Ron, they had no time to think, all leaping to hide behind the small table as the door creaked open “professor Slughorn?”

It was Filch. The clanking of his lamp echoing as he stepped into the room, but with him there was an another tapping sound, peeking through the thin gap between the floor and the table, Harry's heart dropped, Mrs.Norris. the five of them were cramped tightly hiding under Slughorn's desk, Ron's breath at his nape, tap, tap, tap, the bloody cat got closer sniffing everywhere with it's ugly nose, his heart beating loudly in his ears Harry was sure they're gone for, all out at night sneaking into a teacher's office, if they're caught the potions will be taken away from them and everything will go down in shambles. Through the little gap Harry could see Filch’s shadow move around “what is it Norris?” He said with his disgusting grumpy voice “is there's anyone hiding there…?” He stepped closer slowly, loving being dramatic, Hermione held her breath besides him, Harry noticed he was doing the same. Even after defeating Voldemort and surviving a bloody war perhaps getting caught by Filch would be still a freaking problem, they had no way of escaping now, it's just them, Filch, and the wooden table separating them. His invisibility cloak would be perfect right now, but he left it in his dorm, note to future self: always bring the fucking cloak.

Bam, Parkinson squirmed quietly with the table shaking madly as Filch dropped his lantern on it violently, The teens accepted that they're goners counting the seconds before the man finds them, crash, they heard suddenly, Filch's voice so close to them groaning “PEEVES!” He yelled,an another shake marking the lantern being yanked away from the table loud footsteps suddenly getting quieter, he left.

 

Gasping for air Hermione's purple face started regaining color as they all sighed with relief, “fucking hell.” Parkinson let her head drop on Zabini’s shoulder, Harry had to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Draco's and Hermione's dinamic of friendly rivals, I felt like she really missed a sassy friend like Draco in the books so here I am starting their friendship, i'm trying to take my time to show character growth and romance coming with it   
> lots of fluff promised next chapter stay tuned


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you be freed thanks to a happy potion?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo new update! I'm really trying to make their feelings realistic, so sorry for the slowburn you guys

**doubt** ****  
**[dout]** **  
** **verb (used with object)**

****  
**1.to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.** ****  
**  
** **2.to distrust.**

  
  


Wind sweeping away the late days of September brought the Quidditch season with it, and so using this wind to fly, Harry buried himself into the Gryffindor team trainings, he  _ thrived  _ to win the Quidditch cup this year, this has to be the year, his last tournament in Hogwarts, it just had to be special. 

Thinking that his Hogwarts years are coming to an end really pained Harry, as if he was missing that was still his and while his Hogwarts experience wasn't as peaceful as the usual teenager would have wanted, it was still his. His home and safe place that wrapped him up in its arms and showed him his worth during the darkest of times when he thought he was worthless, thanks to this place he experienced love, freedom, happiness and playing Quidditch was one of his ultimate escapes, breathing in the cold air as the crowd cheers around you, your ears buzzing from all the right things, Harry loved flying, and more than anything he loved winning so this was perfect. Putting on his gear and grabbing his trusty broom Harry made his way to the Quidditch pitch squirting as the bright sunlight hit his face “hey guys” he waved at his teammates, after the war each team filled up with many new students but the team that had changed the most was the Slytherin team, with no one from the original teammates remaining, they're either dead or in azkaban. Harry was happy that his team simply required a couple of beaters and a chaser which they quickly found: Emily, Simon and Greg, three talented Gryffindors that outshone the others, besides being the seeker Harry adopted the work of team captain supported by no other than Ginny Weasley, who is their skillful chaser even though she'd steal the snitch from Harry any day, and of course Ron as their keeper, he couldn't be more proud of their team, though it's not perfect, he will forever miss Fred and George as their beaters but for a gathering of war beaten teenagers they made a solid team.

“Harry you're late” Ginny growled at him, her short hair collected messily into a tiny ponytail, she had already taken out the broomsticks and some of the teens were test flying already, getting warmed up for their training session today. “Sorry” he mumbled apologetically pouting his lip to show her he truly means it, Ginny rolled her eyes “sorry won't win us the cup, get on your broom I'm releasing the snitch”  smiling widely Harry nodded before settling on his broomstick and taking off, closing his eyes as the wind kindly pushed his messy hair in many different directions  “okay team!” He finally shouted, making everyone fly to him to listen “today we're doing the usual, Emily, you need to improve your throw, during the game there's always uneasy circumstances so I want you to be ready, you're our new chaser after all” the brown girl nodded her eyes filled with intense concentration, she's brilliant, Harry's sure she will do well “Simon, Greg, you're our beaters, do your best to throw her off today, but don't expect Ginny to go easy on you or you'll be going back to the common room crying” he winked at Ginny who sighed, her hand resting on the balls ready to release them at any given moment “and Ron” Harry turned his attention to his best friend, who had gained a lot of confidence after his brother's departure, realizing that he is as talented as everyone sees him “the usual, don't let those kids through” Ron smirked at him, fist bumping his friend “you can count on me”  as the team scattered around the pitch, Harry marked Ginny to release the Quaffle, letting Emily and their other chaser Steve do a couple of warm up throws before she released the Bludgers that soared the sky the moment they've been free all ready for their beaters to train with it, Harry's grip tightened on his broomstick as he licked his lips in anticipation, now Ginny was going to release the golden snitch, and the moment she did so Harry let himself free fall the wind loud in his ears before flying up after almost reaching the green grass, the wind causing Ginny yelp a little “Harry! Don't be a jerk!” She called from underneath, already settling down on her own broomstick, but Harry paid her no mind his eyes searching for the precious ball.

And so their training flew by, Harry stopping occasionally to guide his teammates and hand them useful tips, something about his role as a captain couldn't stop reminding him of Wood, his first ever captain, Harry always chuckled when he recalled Wood fighting with McGonagall about cancelling games, claiming “no one cancels Quidditch!” Which looked weird to Harry at the time but now he definitely gets it, Wood simply cherished his time at this school when every game could be your last, when they're grown ups they won't have the time to just play around with their friends, time will do it's part and they won't be as close, the thought brought uneasy feelings in his stomach, while he will most definitely keep in touch with Ron and Hermione, he and the Weasley's had been through too much together they were practically family, but Luna and Neville could become a simple memory and Harry didn't want that. “Good practice huh?” Ginny stretched out as they landed on the pitch, Emily and Greg spreading out on the cool grass wheezing “I thought I was going to die!” She exclaimed throwing her hands up in the air,all the newbies sighing, Harry shook his head at them, these kids are so lazy these days, god, he sounds like an old man “well, if you're not trained well you could actually die out there you know" the whole group groaned, Ron joining the tired teammates on the grass “can wizards have like, one thing that doesn't require fear of your actual death?” 

“I don't think so buddy” grinning at his friends widely, Harry pointed at his famous scar making his freckled friend groan, noticing the Ravenclaw Quidditch team making their way into the pitch Harry realized they're way out of their time “okay guys, let's wrap up” he offered Ron his hand who gladly accepted it, pulling himself off the grass, everyone collecting their broomsticks and handing the balls together with the oval pitch to the next team training.

Releasing her messy ponytail Ginny ran her hands through her hair, her face lighting up the moment she notices Luna waiting for her near the entrance, raising a singular eyebrow in question he asked “Luna huh?” It seemed like she forgot Harry was walking besides her, her freckled cheeks turning crimson “u-uh yeah- we're good… friends…” her squeaky voice somehow turned into a mumble, her gaze dropping to the grass when Luna smiled at her “a friend huh…?” Harry elbowed her teasingly only to be pushed away, hard. “Stop that!” She blushed madly, hiding her flushed face in her palms “she's just.. so pretty…” her voice was quiet and muffed by her hands but Harry never failed to understand her  “you look great together” he said, meaning it, it was nice seeing Ginny being happy again since their breakup, Fred’s death really wounded her leaving her sobbing in her room for hours, always coming out of it smiling and supportive of her mother, Harry knew she was crying, she'd always wash her face and put some makeup on to hide it but everyone always noticed, they all understood she was hurt, broken, but she had to be strong and not to show it so her family won't fall apart. 

It was always hard visiting the Burrow after the war, it was Harry's second home  always warm and welcoming, after the war the warmth died down together with their much beloved family member, leaving a broken family holding together behind old walls, George colored his hair black, Molly was so angry at him at first but stopped complaining the moment he cried out “ _ I just see him everywhere”  _ , Gray shadow fell down on the warm house, making it lonely, as if Part of it will be forever missing, a couple months of summer break were not enough, no matter how much time passes it will never be enough and Harry knew it, and yet, they've all found love within themselves, holding strong together.

“T-together? No! We're not… together..”  it was unusual seeing such a shy side from Ginny, all mumbling and fluttering like a butterfly in love, soft and incredibly beautiful “she seems to like you” looking at Luna, he could see her beam brightly, these girls are so in love they just don't know it yet, smiling to himself, he decided to keep this as his little secret. “Hey Ginny” Luna's dreamy voice made Ginny melt besides him, soft uncertain feelings reflecting in their eyes “hey” she sighed, if she tried to keep her feelings a secret she most definitely failed.  “I saw your practice, you were great” today Luna let her hair down, dirty blond locks falling down to her lower back with many different flowers and feathers braided into it, Ginny was practically a giggling mess at this point, scratching her nape shyly her gaze strictly fixed on her shoes “you did?” Luna nodded, Harry noticed her wand was braided into her hair as well, not as functional but looked... interesting. “ You were cool” Luna mimicked explosion sounds as she said that, her hands dancing in many directions, Ginny giggled like an idiot, if Harry will keep up with this he will get a sugar rush, a side of his mind nagging him about his meeting with Malfoy today, Merlin he completely forgot about that “sorry girls, I gotta go, I have my blond waiting for me” he said, rolling his eyes as he mentioned Malfoy “you're meeting Malfoy? Good luck with the spirits” Luna suddenly said, winking at Harry's surprised expression “wait, Malfoy?” Ginny turned her attention to him finally, her eyes filled with concern, Harry shrugged, not even bothering to ask Luna which spirit told her that information “Harry, Malfoy is-” 

“I know” he ran his fingers through his hair frustratedly, why was he helping him anyway? Malfoy is honestly such a prick “it's a long story, I'll tell you later I promise” Ginny glared at him for a little a while but decided (to Harry's relief) not to push it. Saying his goodbyes to the girls and whispering 'good luck’ to Ginny, receiving a well deserved slap on the shoulder Harry set off to Myrtle's bathroom where's he's supposed to meet him, thinking about it, everyone started seeing different people, even dating them, he was happy for Ginny, he really was, but somehow he felt like he was falling behind, after the war he got so tired of his never leaving fans but no one really aimed for pure romance, all interested in his famous name leaving only one person who never changed their attitude towards him-

“Potter.” Malfoy scoffed as Harry entered the bathroom, already annoyed. 

“Malfoy.” He answered in a similar bored tone dropping his bag on the floor, they managed to sneak in a small cauldron a couple of days ago making this bathroom their secret brewing station, no one was going there anyway “are you aware that you're late?” The blond asked in a teacher like manner really getting on Harry's nerves, he settled down on the floor his legs crossed, freeing his tie a little bit “I am in fact, aware.” He shot back, not really counting on giving Malfoy too much of his attention, feeling Malfoy's cold glare locked on him “well, while you were taking your damn time doing whatever, I arranged our meeting schedule.” The blond stated proudly, the git surely loved to put himself above others, always had to be the best at everything, Harry hated that “schedule? Why would we need a schedule for… brewing a potion?” Taking out a neatly folded piece of parchment, Malfoy spread it on the floor, shoving it to Harry's direction so he could see, Harry really felt like sulking, making this experience a living hell for the snarky Slytherin but his time was too precious to spend it on talking with Malfoy more than he has to, so he grabbed the piece and scanned it briefly “you want us to meet… everyday for at least an hour? After lessons? Are you mad?” Harry frowned at Malfoy's handwriting, why does it have to be so neat? Prick. 

“No I'm not  _ mad  _ Potter, I just want this to be over with.” Malfoy spat at him, pointing at the three solus snuggling up on top of his blond hair “everything I do is calculated to perfection, I even thought about your capability of staying focused over more than one hour, I'm so considerate” Harry felt like strangling him, blinded by the whole mystery of these creatures he completely forgot how annoying Draco Malfoy can be, his frown deepened “I  _ can  _ stay focused over one hour.”

“Well, I just thought doing more than that might be a little too much for your smallish brain to handle” He could swear that if Malfoy could do that he'd high five himself for that lame remark, Harry would gladly do that for him by slapping him in the face. “My brain can handle plenty, it's you I'm unsure of” he shot back, trying to recall whatever reason he had helping this moron before he completely snapped, deciding to be the bigger person Harry simply shut Malfoy's babbling out by paying them little to no mind as he grabbed his bag and pulled out the potion recipe, while it wasn't too hard it still takes a lot of time and preparation to brew it so he might as well start before going mental from Malfoy's company. Grabbing the Crystal salt Harry inspected the purple chunks, simply dropping them into the cauldron “no what are you doing!?” Malfoy shrieked, slapping Harry's hand painfully making him wince in pain “the Crystal salt has to dissolve in liquid first!! You'll just set it on fire you moron!” Pushing him aside Malfoy quickly turned off the fire, some of the Solus that were previously chilling on his head fell down into his robes pulling it at his neck, for once Harry could relate to these creatures, it looked like he was disturbing them occasionally too. “It literally just says drop it in the cauldron!” Harry shouted, rubbing his hand  “you can't just heat up Crystal salt like that!!” Malfoy exclaimed, pulling out a potion bottle filling the cauldron with some unknown liquid, the Crystal chunks started dissolving with a hissing sound “well I'm sorry I'm not some- potions master!” Sulking Harry crossed his arms over his chest angrily, the blond scoffing besides him “well maybe if you'd research a bit-” 

“I didn't have time for research!! I was busy you know- saving the world?! Which you helped  _ destroy  _ by the way!” Harry didn't know why he let that slip up, realizing what he said only when Malfoy gasped, anger burning in his eyes as he gripped his wrist tightly as if hearing these words hurt “I had.. no choice..” he hissed, trembling, Harry was having none of that “save your lies to the court Malfoy, my friends are  _ dead. _ ”  Malfoy was clearly taken aback, his gray eyes open wide with hurt, with sadness “you think you have it all sorted out don't you?” Malfoy muttered through gritted teeth, all the Solus climbing over him aggressively, they were shrieking in his ears, scratched his cheeks and forehead but the Slytherin ignored them “I.. saw my friend..die.. he was burned down in these halls Potter, you think only your friends died?!” His quiet voice turned into a shout, echoing through the empty bathroom, Harry remembered what happened in the room of requirement very well, shutting down all the thoughts about it for now so he won't feel as shitty as he should, it was as if they were comparing it now, who suffered more, it didn't quite click in his mind, not that he could think about anything besides hexing Malfoy right now.

Not finding the words to answer him, Harry kept silent, his eyes flickering between Malfoy's worn out face and his arm which he was squeezing tightly, Harry knew exactly what was hiding beneath the white cotton, The dark mark “disgusting.” He heard himself say, without realizing he said that thought out loud, Malfoy winced “you're a dick Potter.” Malfoy muttered before gathering his things and storming off 

Well.

 

That's off for a great start.

 

* * *

 

 

If Draco could kill Potter, he'd definitely do that.

But considering the fact that he might get expelled and disappoint his mother, he decided not to. It has been a day since they miserably failed to work together, the time for their second meet-up getting closer, not that Potter would come now, which is fine, Draco could perfectly finish this potion himself without the danger of you know, dying because Potter almost sets the whole school on fire, it would be nicer that way anyway. In his working schedule he wrote down that they'd meet every day at five pm for at least an hour, and he won't go and ruin his well planned schedule because Potter is a dick, he will still follow it even if he has to do it himself, he was also pretty sure that the Gryffindor Quidditch team is having an another practice today, so the prick might as well be busy flying of a broomstick while Draco literary concours black heavy demons.

Actually, there was one thing to cheer him up today, and it was his Mother's letter arriving in the morning, so during his way to Myrtle's bathroom, he decided to read it:

 

_ Dear Draco, _

_ I'm so glad you're having a pleasant time at school, I miss you dearly. _

_ Turns out cooking without house elves is extremely difficult, but I am working hard on it! Our kind neighbor promised to teach me how to make a great apple pie, I'll make it when you come to visit during Christmas. _

_ Please send Pansy my kisses, and say hello to Blaise _

_ I put some candies together with this letter, I know you're all grown up now but I hope you will enjoy it  _

 

Looking at the envelope again he noticed three colorfully wrapped candies laying inside, Draco smiled at them softly, they were his favorite. Turning his attention back to the letter his heart suddenly ached, his eyes reading through his mother's neat handwriting

 

_ I'm so proud of you my dear son, _

_ Study hard _

_ Love you, Mother. _

 

“I'm so proud of you my dear son” he reads out again, sighing, somehow reading these words made some of the weight go away, it was sitting there since his fight with Potter yesterday, running off with the love of his mother, the door creaking as he opens it relieved to find out it's empty, Potter won't come. He wasn't surprised, relieved even, dropping his bag next to the cauldron Draco sat down putting the letter on top of his bag, popping one candy in his mouth filling it up with a sweet citrusy taste, after dissolving crystal salt in the liquid turning it into a purple buzzing concussion the next step was to heat it up until it lets out purple fog, so he did, reading through various ways to prepare vampire powder since he's going to be adding it next,  shortly the room filled itself with warm purple fog making Draco feel a little fuzzy, the book says the best way to prepare Vampire powder is to light it on fire for a bit, leaving the powder perfectly dry and hot to be added into the potion, even with the Solus constantly nagging him he felt concentrated, that felt awfully good after many days of feeling nothing at all, Merlin, Actually feeling things is so nice even though there are things that aren't as pleasant that come in the pack annoyance for example that never fails to come together with-

A creak of the door broke Draco from his trance his eyes snapping to look at the uninvited figure

Potter. Of course.

Their eyes met for a mere second dropping immediately each to his reason to suddenly stare at the floor, Potter was still wearing his Quidditch gear with his hair looking even messier than usual, Draco didn't forget what he said to him but decided to ignore him, maybe if he forgets the git is there he'd return to having a rather pleasant time. Alone. Getting the memo Potter didn't say anything, simply nodding in greeting before walking further into the bathroom, by this time the vampire powder was burned down and perfect for usage, picking up the tiny bottle carefully Draco poured it into the cauldron the potion making a hissing sound and turning the fog green with a puff, smiling a triumphant smile to no one other than himself he stur the potion, Draco’s attention was caught on rustles in the corner of his eyes, unable to avoid it any longer his eyes flickered to see whatever Potter was doing. The boy was standing near the bathroom stalls  _ shirtless  _ pulling out his button up and Gryffindor tie out of his bag leaving his Quidditch gear laying on the floor, big mistake. Draco thought as he turned his head back to his potion violently feeling his cheeks burning, what the fuck?? Who just changes their clothes like that??? Well, they're both boys so it should be okay but this is definitely not okay Draco really doesn't want to think about Potter's back- Merlin.

Trying his best to erase that image from his mind Draco looked at the next step of the potion, now he had to add rose oil, letting it boil for a while stirring it occasionally, it was fairly easy just this potion really takes a lot of time to make, disturbed thoughts running through his head Draco peeked in Potter's direction  quickly turning his eyes back to the potion before his eyes moved to the boy again, he let it linger for a bit while Potter was busy buttoning his shirt, his bush of hair looking less like human hair and more like a nest, his dark skin shining with sweat left from his recent Quidditch training, Draco wouldn't lie it was a little hot in the room, perhaps it's the potion.  Potter's shirt was a tad wrinkled from being tucked in his bag while his glasses were disgustingly dirty, how can he see something? Turns out he can, Draco's heart leaped into his throat the moment Potter's intense green eyes flickered to meet his freezing Draco to his spot “what?” Potter spat at him, he looked nice “you look stupid.” The blond shrugged, forcing his attention back to the potion stirring it a bit too violently, he heard a groan from Potter's direction followed by footsteps, Draco did his best  _ not to look  _ in his direction dammit, sitting down on the floor as well the Gryffindor looked at the potion for a while, Draco anticipated him to say something but he didn't, Potter had a talent, annoying Draco without doing anything, that is. There was always a weird feeling he had towards Potter never being around him long enough for him to make that out but now when they're practically forced to spend time together he finally can analyze that weird feeling, making his head reel, his face flush, every trait regarding Potter would make his very flesh begin to crawl, his pulse to rush whatever the git is in sight, this feeling is… Loathing. It's loathing. Draco was one hundred percent sure of it 

“Is that from your mother?” Potter asked pointing at Draco's letter, he forgot he left it on top of his bag his browns immediately curling into a frown, “so what?” He snapped yanking the letter from Potter's view, if that git says something bad about his mother Draco might not mind packing his bags and returning to her “uh...how is she?” Potter asked, his voice gentle making Draco's frown deepen “what is it to you?” He spoke in a slightly overprotective manner each words sharp and dangerous, Potter shook his head his hands hiding deep in his pockets “can you stop acting like an asshole? I'm trying to start a conversation” he said, Draco scoffed “why does your conversation has to be about my mother?”  Groaning Potter rolled his eyes, frustration clear as day “she- she saved my life alright? I'm just grateful to her” Potter's voice dropped to something low and vulnerable his gaze avoiding Draco's, eyes widening he felt a little 'oh’ escaping his throat “she's... fine, not in jail you know”  where she could've been if only she didn't save Potter's life by lying to Voldemort, saving both her and his life from being locked up in azkaban, Potter readjusted himself to sit more comfortably crossing his legs leaned back into his hands “and your father?” He asked, making shivers run across Draco's skin his nose wrinkling from the image of his father, that's enough “what's up with you?! Why would you care about my family all the sudden?” He exclaimed the Solus presence suddenly uncomfortable on his back making him thrive for air, Potter was looking straight at him now, green eyes burning through Draco's skull “just curious” Potter shrugged, the air between them tense and awkward.

And so they created a some kind of routine, everyday at 5pm Draco would come in first to continue to brew the potion little by little, Potter would join him only much later sometimes wearing his Quidditch gear or his usual clothes, each time they sat together in silence until one of them dared to break it, having small conversations about all kinds of things whether it's their daily homework or more serious matters, bit by bit they became much more comfortable in each other's presence not fighting over every little thing, Potter always took his time to inspect Draco and ask him all sorts of questions which he answered them if he felt like it a comfortable routine easy for both of them to follow “so when you drink this potion, they will disappear?” Potter asked one day pulling one Solus off Draco's back to hold it, Draco hummed “can't wait, they've only been a nuisance”  looking down on the creature on his lap Potter petted it lightly his eyes shadowed with a hint of sadness “won't you miss them?” , Draco could feel the weight on his back very clearly,always there, always watching him and nagging him wherever he went, they won't let him sleep, they won't let him eat, he truly felt like he couldn't exist together with them he was slowly but surely losing himself, while he was smiling and laughing together with his friends their presence never leaving, whispering mean things their claws digging deeply into his back, seeing his reflection in the bubbling potion showed him how tired he was no matter how much of a better time he was having, this mixture will heal him getting rid of these creatures forever, and then he could be truly free, maybe for Potter they looked like mediocre problems, just fluffy friends to be his company but to him they brought only suffering  “no, I won't” he answered simply, messing up his reflection as he stirred.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry got pretty used to their routine, while Malfoy wasn't the most pleasant company he sure was amusing, the blond was brewing his potion with such interest, colorful fog filling up the bathroom to the point where Myrtle comes out whining, that would be the sign of their departure, leaving the potion to an another day, Malfoy would be practically vibrating at his spot with excitement with each step he finished, always babbling about how much he wants to get rid of these things, personally, Harry didn't mind their presence, they'd always crawl over Malfoy and tease him a bit, mostly he enjoyed Malfoy's expression when they did that, honestly any creature that makes Malfoy's life a living hell is Harry's favorite kind of creature, his chest warmed up from the memory of Buckbeak.

“So how's the potion going?” Hermione asked him as she walked to her muggle studies class which luckily is his path to Myrtle's bathroom. “I think he will finish it today” Harry said, stomping shortly behind her “oh that's great! It means we won't need to hang out with the Slytherins anymore” Harry knew that, but somehow hearing Hermione say it made his heart ache, he really didn't care for Malfoy but when he finally started seeing a new side of the git he couldn't lie that he wasn't becoming a bit interested in him, there's just something different in Draco Malfoy, he didn't tip toe around him for attention just because he's the chosen one, he was still rude and mean to him as if Harry was just normal, and oh how much he missed being normal, always being the outcast or a hero, not a simple kid with simple needs, he always  _ had  _ to be something for someone, but not for Malfoy, he hated his guts.

And who would dare to hate the almighty Harry Potter, the savior of the wizarding world besides Draco Malfoy? Perhaps he got used to his company over the couple of weeks of them brewing this potion, he got used to this slightly weird schedule: meeting your rival at five pm each day for one hour, seems about right. By the corner of his eye he noticed Pansy snogging some Ravenclaw, pinning him to the wall, he recalled him being the third this week, Hermione’s nose wrinkled in disgust as she snorted “she's such a slut” she murmured “didn't you make up with her?” Harry's eyebrow quirked up eying his best friend suspiciously “I did, but I didn't change the way I think of her, I'm just not going to say it to her face this time” woman are honestly so confusing, while it was definitely a mature decision to make up with Pansy in order to make some silly jokes on Malfoy, Harry was pretty sure the two really hated each other, and a couple of sorry’s is not going to change that, humans are not so simple, he hummed his eyes drifting to the Slytherin girl again, how could she change boyfriends so quickly? It took him about a year to catch Cho's attention and that didn't work very well, for long he was sure Pansy was dating Malfoy from all their close proximity “how do you think she does that?” Harry asked, both him and Hermione peeking at her “well, life is easy when you're pretty” Hermione said with a sigh, her eyes hiding something painful behind them “but you are pretty Hermione” Harry said, meaning it. She was really one of the prettiest and nicest girls he knew, for him it's genuinely confusing to find out she doesn't like herself, Hermione scoffed, her hands waving in Pansy's general direction “not like her”  while Harry had to admit Pansy was fairly attractive with her bold style honestly he didn't see much difference between her and his best friend, all girls are just pretty, yet he still shook his head “that's not true, Hermione you're gorgeous” she chuckled at that dryly, Harry knew she didn't really see it that way, he'd squeeze her hand or pull her into a hug but he knew that Hermione wasn't someone to pity, she pulled her book tight to her chest sighing “Hermione, Ron loves you” he said to her, his eyebrows curled into a soft frown, he has never seen anyone more in love than Ron with Hermione, loving her for who she is regardless of looks, she smiled sadly “he didn't see me as a girl before fourth year Harry” before he could answer something they have reached Hermione's class “I gotta go” she mumbled before entering the classroom, leaving Harry behind watching her bushy hair bouncing as she walked. 

He thought over Hermione's words as he walked, did Ginny feel that way too? That she's less than the other girls?  She always seemed so confident but he could be very much wrong, being as smart and successful as Hermione is Harry couldn't even guess that she was burdened with such weight, pushing the bathroom’s door open Harry prepared himself to suffer an another round of Malfoy's rambling about him being late only to be surprised with utter silence, Malfoy was leaning against the wall with piles of books surrounding him, fast asleep.

“Shhhh” a whiny voice hissed at his side, startling Harry, Myrtle was floating besides him her see through finger pressed to her lips “he was practically face palming his books, the boy was snoozing in no time" she giggled her squeaky voice quiet, Harry closed the door behind his gently, making his way to the blond to wake him up “don't!” Myrtle flew through him, shivers running through his body both from the cold and the disgust “Myrtle!! You don't just fly through people!” He hissed, rubbing his hands together, the ghost girl folded her arms over her chest Malfoy sleeping soundly behind her “let him rest! He looks more dead than me, and I'm- I'm- a ghost!” She shrieked, disappearing into the floor while sobbing loudly “geez.” Harry exclaimed, staring at the spot she went through, throwing his bag on the floor Harry flopped onto the floor, looking through Malfoy's open books, they were all Ingredient related, not too interesting, no surprise he fell asleep from that. The Solus were all bundled up on his things, all seemed to be snoozing together with their owner, staring at the creatures Harry sighed, Hermione's hurt face flashing in his memory, he didn't know she was bearing so much weight, just like Malfoy did. 

These creatures are heavy as hell, always exhausting Malfoy to his breaking point, his eyes trailed over the sleeping boy stopping on his face, he would never have thought that a rich boy's life could be difficult, he had money, he had friends, parents, everything Harry never had in his childhood, but he did, yet here Malfoy lies, suffering from problems so deep creatures cling to him, they are connected, somehow, he wondered how. Since Harry rejected his handshake until Malfoy shivered behind him as they flew out the room of requirement, he had seen all kinds of sides of this person, he saw him as a spoiled brat, as a coward, but also he saw him crying in this same bathroom, scared for his life, he saw him hurt and pained as he pointed his wand at Dumbledore, Harry was always sure he loathed him yet his wand felt so good in his hands, so right, as if he understood what Harry was going through, which is most definitely impossible. He noticed a small lock of hair that had fallen on Malfoy’s forehead, it's mere sight was annoying Harry, it felt so out of place, reaching out his hand, Malfoy's hair was always so neat and collected, seeing it messed up just didn't felt right, or at least that's what Harry told himself, with his heart hammering in his chest, gentle fingers stroked the blond lock back into place, Harry was surprised to realize how soft his hair felt, letting his hand stay there, gently petting Malfoy's hair, he didn't know why he was doing that, the git was sleeping and Harry just felt like it, he looked very… soft when he was asleep almost having Harry wishing that Malfoy would always be like that, soft and quiet, much better than his usual snarky attitude, groaning softly Malfoy shifted in his sleep scaring Harry to his core making him move away his hand a little too quickly, accidentally ripping a bit of Malfoy's hair out making the boy groan in pain this time “ow- what the fuck-” he mumbled, grabbing his stupid blond head sliding down the wall dramatically, Harry's heart dropped to his pants the moment Malfoy blinked lazily, his eyes fixating on him “what are you doing?!” He whined, rubbing his head “er-” Harry mumbled, feeling his cheeks burn “t-the potion needed a bit of your hair-” stupid. He's so stupid but he is right they'd need this hair eventually “so you ripped it straight out of my head  _ while I'm sleeping?  _ Are you mental??” He pushed himself off the wall, his glare meaning Harry's death “didn't you hear of like, scissors? A cutting spell? Something that's  _ not  _ ripping my hair??” Harry had nothing to say to that so he simply glared at his clenched fist holding strains of blond hair “well, you should not sleep in a bathroom! We could've finished the potion long ago.” Harry said, a bit too defensively “I-” Malfoy's finger poked right into his chest, his voice a bit hoarse from sleep “I was waiting for you! Don't you go blaming me Potter.” Malfoy hissed, needless to say how weird this whole situation was, Malfoy fell asleep from  _ waiting for him  _ and Harry just went and petted his hair, which was surprisingly soft and overall really nice to the touch,he was so soft and un-Malfoy like when he’s sleeping,he did wish the git would stay asleep because now Malfoy just won't shut up. “Anyway now that you took your sweet ass time coming here and heartlessly ripped out a piece of my hair we can finish this bloody potion” Malfoy said, crawling back to the cauldron lazily, heating it up with a tap of his wand, the potion had reached bright red color now bubbling loudly, the last ingredient was Malfoy’s hair, the moment they add it the potion is done, no more Malfoy, no more meetings, no more Solus. Looking at the worried creatures on Malfoy’s back Harry couldn't understand why he felt so empty all of the sudden, he hated Malfoy and everything about him, remembering how nice his hair felt under his touch Harry shuddered, he hated him, right?

 

* * *

 

The boiling potion letting out bright red fog hiding everything from sight, his heart hammered hard in his chest in anticipation, finally this horrible weight will be gone, no more Solus to bully him, not letting him eat or sleep, making him angry and anxious, Draco honestly felt that getting rid of this choking weight will solve all of his problems right now, he just desperately wanted to breathe, to truly feel alive after this agonizing months, he didn't remember feeling alive ever since fourth year, having Voldemort between the manor's walls adding to his paranoid father always running around to please him until he got himself locked up, then there was Bellatrix clearly hating his poor cowardy existence, somehow his life just flipped from being spoiled and loved unconditionally to being terrified for his life with each passing day, at what point Draco really stopped feeling like himself? He doesn't remember, when the walls you once called home become your very own prison but Draco was a very unlikely prisoner, living a luxurious life having whatever he wanted, all the money, all the sweets and newest clothes, brooms, anything a normal child would dream of,all he needed to do for that is to exist and to bear his father's last name he used to see it as a gift, as a present only poorbloods like him deserved,so when did the diamond chandeliers went cold? Velvet furniture became uncomfortable? Gold and silver platter turned useless?  Marble floors echoing footsteps of people who never knew him, all filled with filth his father was oh so proud of, then why was he letting it out on Draco? Hitting him with his eyes terrified, bruises hidden behind expensive wardrobe he later bought him, he remembers his mother crying, his father lying, all scared and trying to survive.

But what he remembers the most is the day he got that mark. When Draco was little, he used to look up to his father wishing to be a great heir who will bring pride to his family, always he'd raise his nose high just like him, hating whoever he hated, loving everyone just like he did “oh young Draco is just like his father” he would hear, and be proud of it, he’d pull his hair back to be like him, so there's no surprise that that awful mark on his wrist had to follow right? His father has it, his mother has it, his aunt, his grandmother, grandfather, now it was his turn.

He would never forget shaking from fear whilst his father held his arm tight, pushing it hard onto the table while the dark lord murmured spells above him, he felt his skin burning the snake figure curling onto it, he'd scream for his life if his mother didn't held him, crying into his shoulder. 

Turns out his father wasn't as marvelous of a man Draco used to think he is, he's a liar, a coward, a death eater, and blissfully blinded by the rich Malfoy life Draco foolishly followed his footsteps, no surprise he ended up just like him, young Draco would've been ecstatic, but his older version only feels ashamed now, weight never leaving him, not his shoulders nor his wrist, all a package carefully wrapped up by his parents and thrown at him. The only thing left for him to get rid of this burden is to add a lock of his blond hair, just like his father's, and like a bag off his shoulders, he threw a few locks in. The mixture turning black with a poof, finally. stirring it impatiently Draco could hear his own heartbeat buzzing in his ears he's just so  _ tired  _ of everything, but now he could get rid of the fangs digging onto his back, the recipe told to stir for five minutes so he did, five minutes suddenly feeling like forever, he forgot about Potter besides him, forgot about the weight on his shoulders, ignoring the mark on his wrist for a little while, it didn't matter anymore since he can finally be free with this happy potion fixing everything, five minutes are up, burning his hand Draco poured the potion into a bottle black fog still coming out of it, Potter shouted something besides him, he couldn't bother.

Boom, his heartbeat went 

He took a shot, feeling the boiling potion going down his throat, he didn't care, he just wanted this to be over 

Boom

Boom

Boom

He squeezed his eyes shut feeling fog coming out of his nostrils, a sharp pain in his temple signing the potion worked. Opening his eyes he took a sharp breath his eyesight a bit blurry, he's free, he's finally free- turning around he met a white pair of eyes, peering right back at him, the four eared Solus, the first one he ever encountered, was sitting right in front of him, with a bunch of other Solus surrounding it all looking at him, the weight disappeared but they were still there, all slowly creeping back to him, climbing onto his back once more, he could hear his breath, each painful in his bruised throat, sitting on his knees he blankly stared at the floor 

 

It didn't work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER IS QUIDDITCH CHAPTER STAY TUNED, it might be a little longer than the usual tho


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> could one truly start over? would it take a slap on the face?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i'm sorry it took so long to update, the truth is, i'm not feeling really good lately, also finals are coming aaaahhhhhhh  
> i hope you like this chapter, i had fun writing it

**freedom** ****  
**[free-duh m]** **  
** **noun**

****  
**1.the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint** ****  
**  
** **2.exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.**

 

What do you do when you face a shattered soul? When you see their hope tearing down through their eyes? You hear them screaming, falling apart from something that wouldn't have worked from the start, yet they built their hope around it, put their heart in it and now they're wailing broken on the floor, how do you reach out? Why he didn't? 

“Harry?”  Ron's voice snapped him back to reality, waving his freckled hand in front of his face “are you paying attention mate?” Right, they just finished an another quidditch practice now and Harry's mind drifted off, he shook his head “sorry what?”  Ron sighed, red eyebrows curling into a frown “dude, we have a game tomorrow you have to stay focused” Ron said, his hand resting on Harry's shoulder, Harry nodded, his friend was right, ever since he's started helping Malfoy he had been thinking, especially after what happened the other day: devastated, Malfoy flipped off the cauldron, burning his hand with it, Harry couldn't think the whole situation through fast enough, the Solus were still there all gathering up on top of Malfoy’s shoulders while he's screaming in pain, Harry remembers grabbing his wrist instinctively pulling his burned hand towards the sink, washing it with cool water, even when Malfoy stopped sobbing implying that he was no longer in pain , Harry didn't quite find the power in himself to let go, and Malfoy wasn't pulling away, they just stood there both staring elsewhere, Harry didn't know what to say, they had nothing else that could heal away the Solus and it seemed like Malfoy really wanted it.

But the potion didn't work.

Why didn't it work? They followed the recipe perfectly, the happy potion should've heal him, make all the Solus go away yet here they were all clinging to Malfoy as If the potion never happened “I bet there's something we could do-”he said, searching for the right words to confront the poor blond who stood besides him his empty eyes looking nowhere and everywhere at once “forget it” Malfoy said his voice quiet “it's worthless”. Yanking his hand from him and storming off leaving Harry standing there staring at the running water, was there really nothing they could do? He haven't seen Malfoy since, without the potion there's no point for them to meet up and Harry found himself desperately searching for Malfoy during breakfast but he never attended it, in loss of what to do Harry scanned through the journal once again, it was filled in with a generous amount of poetic notes all describing the state of it's writer 

_ “It hurts, and they're not leaving, why would you ever stop believing, after failing, what's your worth? You have none in their white eyes, when they bloom your life will rise”  _

For Harry these words made zero to no sense, all these notes were about is blooming and releasing the pain, making it seem less of a helpful journal and more of a poetry book, yet he found himself thinking through these words as if something was keeping him from giving up on Draco Malfoy.

He could see Ron's disappointed expression when he wasn't paying attention again, smiling softly Harry calmed his friend “don't worry mate, we will win tomorrow no doubt”, Ron sighed freckled hand reaching to scratch his neck “I don't know man, even if their team are all newbies we won't manage to win without you” Harry understood, while their team is strong you cannot win a Quidditch game without catching the snitch, which is his job, and he will succeed in it, losing is not in option, not in his last year at Hogwarts. They were on their way out of the dressing room after a tiring Quidditch practice, Harry explained  tomorrow's tactic before they got on their broomsticks, since the Slytherin team is not strong at all he wasn't worrying about them doing well but game tactics are always important, it's rather simple, since their seeker is unpolished it wouldn't be a problem to focus all of the attention on the chasers letting the beaters catch all the newbies off guard so Harry could quickly catch the snitch, on their way back to the castle Harry noticed the Ravenclaw Quidditch team making their way to the pitch with the guy he and Hermione saw making out with Pansy, he was tall with his dark hair brushed to the side, he was bragging to his friends about something Harry got to overhear: “so yeah, I dumped her” he held his nose high with pride with a bunch of other male players cheering around him “for real?” A blond bloke asked, he nodded “just as the rumors say, this Slytherin slut is so giving~ kinda made me feel dirty”  something in Harry's chest clenched, making him feel as if he knows exactly who they're talking about “Harry?” Ron called him, making him notice that he was well behind his friend, letting his gaze linger on the group for a bit, Harry brushed it off and followed Ron into the castle.

 

“Don't you have a meeting with Malfoy today?” Hermione asked him while collecting her books after a long muggle studies lesson, Ron went forward to take a well deserved shower while Harry felt like he had to talk about what happened “the potion didn't work, Haven't seen Malfoy since” her eyebrows quirked up with surprise “it didn't work?” Harry shook his head, Hermione frowned “that's so weird..” pushing heavy books into her bag and putting it over her shoulder “I wonder what went wrong I mean… this journal was our only lead wasn't it?” He nodded, Hermione was right, maybe there is no way of getting rid of those things? “Well, at least we won't need to hang out with the Slytherins anymore” with a flip of her hair, Hermione took off into the hallway with Harry to follow, this weird uneasy feeling clenching Harry's heart again “they're not that bad…” he mumbled, remembering Malfoy crying in the bathroom, cursing both himself and the Solus, Hermione scoffed, clearly not agreeing with him. “Never thought you'd say that about bullies, they really did nothing good, ever-” Hermione said, suddenly stopping “did you hear that?”  both of them stood in the hallway Harry looked around him, failing to understand whatever she was talking about “Hermio-” 

“Shh!!” with her finger pressing onto Harry's lips she shushed him, listening: as he concentrated, Harry noticed he could hear it too, sobbing echoing through the hallway, quiet, but it's there. “Is it Myrtle?” Harry asked, trying to work out who the voice belongs to, She shook her head “no, that's a normal girls bathroom, she wouldn't go in here” grabbing his wrist she walked quickly towards the bathroom stopping as Harry pulled back at the entrance, blushing madly “w-wait Hermione- that's.. a girl's bathroom…” he mumbled “so?”  her brown eyes pierced through Harry's skin as if there was absolutely no problem in this situation.

“I- I can't come in…” Hermione rolled her eyes with an annoyed 'tsk’ leaving her lips, “fine, wait here” she said before letting go off his hand and going in, not entering the bathroom Harry still leaned in to peek inside just to see what's going on, coming across a surprising scene: it was Pansy, curled up on the bathroom’s floor hiding her face between her knees, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed, the image of the group of Ravenclaws flashed between his eyes making his stomach flip. Hermione seemed to be taken aback from the sight her thin brows curled with uncertainty like she had no actual right to see it, yet she got down on her knees carefully “Parkinson?” She asked, her voice tense, the Slytherin girl looked up immediately gasping as she noticed Hermione  “are you-uh, okay?” His friend asked, visibly trying too hard to look caring. “Do I look okay to you?” Pansy hissed, her eyes leaking black tears from all of her eye makeup, Hermione breathed out through her nose “what's wrong?”, eying her suspiciously Pansy didn't hurry to answer, red eyes flickering on Hermione's face before her expression turned into something more pained, more vulnerable “my boyfriend broke up with me, calling me disgusting- a slut!” She lifted her hands dramatically dropping them at her sides as her voice broke “not that you care, you think the same”. Her eyes inspecting Pansy carefully, Hermione nodded “true.” 

Smack! Harry reached for his wand the moment Pansy slapped her but Hermione didn't bulge, instead she glared her dead in the eye, asking “does that make you feel better?”, eyes wide, Pansy looked at her with her chest rising and falling, eyes squinting at her “yes” she hissed 

Smack! “Kya!” the Slytherin girl curled up in pain holding her bruised cheek, this time Hermione slapped her. Whining loudly Pansy tried slap her again only to be caught by Hermione who held her hands in place, failing to release herself from her tight grasp Pansy exclaimed “ugh! It's- not-- fair!!” Fighting Hermione's grip tears dripped down Pansy's chin “I hate you!! I hate you…” she wheezed, softening, giving up yet not being released, just in case. Dropping her head back into her knees she mumbled “I hate you so much…” Hermione watched her sobbing, her expression unreadable “it's unfair!! Unfair!!”  Pansy screamed her shoulders rising as she did so “you're ugly!!” Hermione flinched, tightening her grip “you don't brush your hair- you wear ugly clothes- then why? Why?!” Hermione moved back a bit when Pansy shot her head up, puffy eyes looking straight into hers “why do they love you?” Pansy's voice broke at that,it was so desperate and quiet Harry barely heard her. “I try so hard...look at me!! I ruined my eyeliner!!” Hermione let her go, letting Pansy rub her face frustratedly smearing black all over it “no matter how hard I try… I'm always dumb, always annoying!! Too giving!! While you- you don't have to change anything about yourself!! I hate you!!” Pansy pushed Hermione away from her, but the Gryffindor girl didn't move “I don't even know who I am anymore! I became who they see me as… an idiot!! I flutter around these boys hoping that maybe the see through the rumors! That they see me- but they don't, what's the point?” She took a choked breath, her hands still holding into Hermione's shoulder “everyone thinks life is easy when you're pretty, pfft! As if, I don't know who I am but pretty!” Harry remembered what Hermione told him once, implying how easy Pansy's life may be, through her curled brows Harry knew she thought the same. “Isn't it ironic?” Pansy breathed out, her voice quiet “here I am, crying to you, yet your expression doesn't flatter, I despise you, because I can't be like you” Hermione's face curled into something painful, eyes filling up with tears, but she kept quiet letting Pansy speak “I work hard on myself, each and every day, wearing short skirts, painting my nails, my face, that worked once! Everyone would eat me up! I  _ enjoyed  _ seeing you suffer! But now.. now we're completely the opposite, look who's hated now! Me! Pansy Parkinson! A Slytherin slut! Who doesn't have feelings- just her body for everyone to take a piece of.” now tears were streaming down Hermione's face,both of the girls were shaking on the bathroom floor, Hermione took in a sharp breath pulling Pansy into a hug making the Slytherin girl frown “ew- what are you doing? Ugh! your hair is in my face-” 

“I'm sorry” Hermione sobbed, shutting her up “I hate you too.. because you're everything I've never got to be myself…” pansy failed to keep her disgusted expression any longer, softening up in Hermione embrace “my makeup will ruin your shirt…” she mumbled, gasping as Hermione pulled her even closer.

With her cheek squished on Hermione's shoulder Pansy sighed, letting her shaky hands wrap around Hermione's waist loosely, they sat in a very uncomfortable position, each girl twisted unusually yet wrapped in each other's arms, both of them crying loudly, tears releasing many years of unwanted feelings both of them didn't know they shared, two girls, each oh so different yet pretty much the same, both gazing at each other from afar failing to see the good in themselves that they hated in each other. like two different pieces of puzzle clicking together with this embrace, tears won't heal all the cracks, won't replace all that they lost but they might create a small river, leading their boats to a better future: where two broken girls, thanks to each other, have been changed for good.

 

* * *

 

 

Draco was not allowed to play Quidditch, therefore he won't go to today's match. He decided he'll spend his day helplessly laying in his bed staring at the ceiling, which he did, not that a bunch of creatures would let him get up anyway. Pushing him down into the soft mattress with their unbearable weight, he had nothing to do with them hence he didn't fight it, gazing aimlessly. He could hear excited chattering from his window echoing from outside, dozens of restless children making their way to the Quidditch pitch, today's match would be Gryffindor vs. Slytherin where usually Draco would be the seeker, who would've thought that his last year at Hogwarts would be spent like this, burdened by useless creatures that do nothing but bully him, not being able to play Quidditch or go to Hogsmeade, the more he thought about it the more pathetic he really felt, what was the point of coming back?

Turning to his side the Solus readjusted themselves to his new position feeling their disgusting feet tapping all over him, he sighed, thinking about Potter's face, it didn't seem to leave his mind after the potion failed so he desperately avoided him as if seeing him would flood him with unwanted thoughts, squeezing his pillow tighter between his hands Draco let his whole body curl into it burying his face into the soft fabric inhaling the fresh smell, somehow it reminded him of home, empty warmth coming from within protecting him from the cold manner's walls where his father would walk, where they would host beautiful balls bringing a lot of noise with it and just like now Draco would run up to his room and curl in his bed the cold bed sheets confronting him from the loud chatter downstairs, and just like that he'd fall asleep, feeling his mother's warm hand petting his hair knowing that she came to his room to check on him, to tuck her beloved son into bed.

He missed her warmth, gentle fingers putting his locks into place, somehow he was certain he felt it not so long ago when he fell asleep in Myrtle’s bathroom, someone's hand, someone warm and caring, let their hesitant fingers slip through his hair, sensation so warm, so welcoming that Draco didn't want to open his eyes to check who that was, enjoying the soothing warmth falling deeper into safety, he wished that mystery person would come now, that their warmth would ease the pain on his shoulders and scare all the creatures away leaving Draco all by himself enjoying his shelter.

Right now he felt like following his younger self footsteps, ignoring all the noise outside, no matter if it's an another ball, or Voldemort's commands shaking the manor's walls, closing his eyes shut he ignored the excited children outside all the noise buzzing softly as he falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Today's the day, it's the first thought that popped into Harry's head this morning as he lays wide awake in his bed, eyes squinting from the bright light coming from the window, looking around himself he noticed that Ron was awake. Sharing knowing looks both of them got up and dressed up going to the great hall to have some pre-game breakfast.

“Don't eat too much Ron” Ginny teased as her brother stuffed some scrambled eggs down his throat “I always eat when I'm nervous!” He whined, chewing aggressively “you always eat, period.” Harry joined in, winking in Ginny's direction. It's important not to eat a lot before a Quidditch game, Harry experienced some puking children on the Quidditch pitch, and that's not a great sight. While enjoying some toast he rolled his eyes when Ron began devouring the pancakes “seriously Ron, your stomach will get too full” Harry scolded him, Ginny nodding at his side “one does not simply get too full!” Ron exclaimed, moving his fork around dramatically. “Hey.” A voice said from behind them making the Gryffindors turn around, Pansy was standing next to the table with Blaise behind her, looking as if he was dragged there by force “can we sit with you guys?” She asked, her voice a tad uncertain, with her eyes lighting up Hermione smiled “sure.” Seems like now they really started a new page in their relationship, Harry saw no unknown intentions in Pansy's eyes, and so did Hermione, moving aside so Pansy could sit besides her. Harry let his eyes roam towards the Slytherin table, a frustrated sigh leaving his chest “and Malfoy?” He turned back to Pansy who just poured herself a cup of tea “stayed in bed” Blaise said, shifting in his seat to be as close to Pansy as possible, looking utterly uncomfortable “he'd been very upset lately.” Pansy nodded, her thin eyebrows curled into a worried frown “I'm pretty sure it's because there's a Quidditch match today.. but.. I think something else is bothering him, did something happened between you two?” Her dark eyes searched through Harry's expression for answers, he simply sighed, looking down at his plate. “The potion failed.” her face dropped, all hint of hope she had wavering behind her eyelids “oh..” she blurted, leaning back into her chair “and there's nothing we can do?”  Harry felt bad for disappointing her, he really did, yet he still shook his head. They had only one idea of how to get rid of the Solus which failed, was there a point of trying again? He remembered Malfoy’s broken expression when his eyes met the creature’s, as if all the air from the room had been sucked out leaving horrible, choking, weight.

“It's useless” that's what Malfoy had told him. but was it really? Looking at Pansy now Harry really wanted to keep trying, but Malfoy is tired, avoiding everyone including his friends “listen.” Room suddenly said, shoving his empty plate away “you cannot force your help on people, if he doesn't want it, then there's no point.” Ron was right, but somehow knowing that truth didn't ease the ache in his chest. Could he, Harry Potter, Actually care about Draco Malfoy? After seeing Pansy's vulnerability yesterday and witnessing Hermione moving forward Harry realized something he'd never thought about before; Slytherins are way more than they seem, under green and silver colors there are terrified children hidden behind evil masks, does that explain their evil deeds? No. But, it opens doors to new experiences, now that there's no Voldemort, no war, those children might finally have the chance to be  _ human _ regardless of the roles inherited on them in the past. And Malfoy had a lot of roles throughout his life being many different people at once: a student, a heir, a death eater.

Maybe if Harry tries hard enough Malfoy would actually let him in, give him the chance to get to know him. An image of his sleeping soundly in front of Harry couldn't leave his mind, he cannot be one hundred percent evil, if the git would let his ego down Harry would've noticed it sooner. At some point all of them finished their breakfast leading to a way more exciting event, this year's first quidditch match! Collecting all their things the group all went down to the pitch with a lot of students already gathering up at their seats, the Quidditch pitch filling up with red and green colors, Harry liked the restless feeling in the air, he felt almost breathless. They was no longer in a war, this is just a regular school year which they very much rightfully deserve, just the have fun without death creeping behind the corner, no one is in danger, and that is an amazing feeling. 

“Oh no--” Ron gasped, grabbing his stomach dramatically, he could practically see Ginny roll her eyes at his side “what did I tell you! That's because you always eat so much!” she stomped her way towards him, scolding him while Harry said his hellos to the rest of the team Emily, Simon and Greg were already dressed up in their Quidditch gear, Emily was practically vibrating at her spot from Excitement, which is understandable, this is their first Quidditch game this year. “Ginny, have mercy we need Ron today” Harry groaned, pulling her away from his best friend “Harry! You're the team captain! tell him-” Ginny exclaimed, her frustration now going off on him “I know. I know, but we need to get ready first, scold him later.” Ignoring Ron’s whines, Harry did manage to reassure her, the three of them changing into their gear as well. Grabbing his trusty broomstick Harry could feel butterflies fluttering in his stomach as the bright light hit his face exiting the changing tent, on his side he could see a fuss all around McGonagall, the Slytherin team all seemed to be very frustrated about something, especially their captain, Alexis? He wasn't certain about her name, but she was ranting to the poor headmistress about something. “Is there’s something wrong?” He asked the moment he came closer to them, meeting McGonagall’s exhausted eyes “of course something's wrong!” The Slytherin Quidditch captain whined stomping her feet on the ground angrily, her voice was squeaky and annoyingly miserable “we're a new team and our seeker fainted! There's literally no one to replace him you have to cancel this match!” Harry frowned, stepping forward defensively, there's no way they're doing this “you can't cancel Quidditch!” The Slytherin girl practically  _ growled  _ at him, he never saw a glare more terrifying than Ginny's, but perhaps now he did. Wheezing out air through her nostrils McGonagall pinched her temple, the angry teenagers fighting around her making her look fifty years older “silence!” She barked, shutting up both of the frustrated teams “we cannot cancel this match.” She stated, Harry sighed with relief while the girl whined “but-” 

“But.” McGonagall cut off whatever the girl tried to say “we do need a seeker to replace dear Max” looking around the group her eyes locked onto one poor Slytherin “you.” The boy practically melted, his shaky knees giving up making his teammates catch him “He can't be a seeker-” The team captain complained only to he cut off again “Merlin Alexis! Let me finish a sentence!” The headmistress barked at her, Alexis's face turning white, turning her attention back to the boy McGonagall stated: “go and call Mr. Malfoy here.” gasping everyone looked at her wide eyed “what!! He can't play Quidditch!!” Alexis exclaimed “why so? Draco had been a very talented seeker for many years” searching for words the girls stumbled around miserably “b-but--- he has been banned!! He's a death eater!!” At this point the headmistress simply got tired of her, her eyes piercing through that girl's poor body “I am. Very much aware of the ban Mrs. Alexis. I am the one who put it!” The girl opened her mouth but then immediately closed it, stepping back.

Taking a deep breath, professor McGonagall proudly stated: “bring Malfoy here.”

 

* * *

 

 

Light sleep soothing all of his stress Draco snuggled up onto himself in the sheets, an uncomfortable feeling always creeping from behind together with the weight of the Solus as if there's something else he should be doing, an anxious feeling of discomfort leaving him restless. But the empty feeling in his stomach suggests he stays in bed, holding his eyes shut, he truly believed he might fall asleep and actually get some rest, waking up when all of his problems are over. Which did not happened of course, because nothing ever goes his way.

With a loud bang he jolted off his pillow,  lost gray eyes scanning his room for the cause of this horrible noise, which he didn't get a chance to since Pansy leaped straight at him “Draco!!” She shrieked, her hair messed up and stuck onto her forehead, she was breathing heavily; perhaps she ran all the way here, one thing Draco couldn't understand however, is how she got into the boy dorms, her eyes shining with something unreadable she grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently “wake up wake up wake up!!! You have to come now!!” Blinking at her blankly he left his mouth hanging open, desperately trying to understand what the hell is going on. “What” he asked, seeing her huff frustratedly “no time to waste! The game starts soon!” She said, already pulling him off his bed. Still utterly confused Draco found out his sleepy body had no power to object her tight grip, seems like she's taking him outside “game- Pansy I already told you I'm not going- mph-”  Draco whined before Pansy began pushing something sweet tasting into his mouth “eat this!! You didn't eat breakfast but you need this energy trust me!” She rambled not ceasing to pull him with her already passing the exit and escaping the dungeons. Almost choking on whatever she fed him Draco chewed heavily, swallowing hard and opening his mouth to talk only to have an another pastry looking thing shoved into his mouth awakening all of his gag reflexes.

“P-pansy what the fuck is going on?!” He exclaimed after devouring the overly sweet treat, her pace was so quick they already made their way through the green land the Quidditch pitch getting bigger and bigger as they  stepped closer to it “one of the Slytherin Quidditch team twinks came up to me sobbing, he asked me to find you” find him? Why would anyone from the current quidditch team need him? These kids shiver whenever he passes by calling him all kinds of names, 'the Malfoy curse’ for example, is one of their famous accusations on why the Slytherin team never won a Quidditch cup in the past 7 years, as if Draco being the seeker only brought bad luck. 

Before he could sink into his thoughts further they were right next to the dressing tent, looking around himself he realized that the whole Slytherin Quidditch team was standing there together with McGonagall and Potter, all staring at him.  Somehow it felt really awkward as if he really shouldn't be here, the ache from Pansy's grip disappeared only to be replaced by sharp pain of something being pushed into him, looking down it took him a couple of seconds to analyze the weight in his hands;green Quidditch gear. “What.” He looked back up, McGonagall stepped towards him her stern look more intimidating than usual “here.” She said, her right hand holding a broomstick “ the team's seeker cannot attend this game, therefore, you're going to replace him.” Eyes widening Draco simply gaped at her, gaze dropping to the broom and back to her face “wait what?” He sounded stupid to his own ears, but he really didn't understand. He was banned from Quidditch by the headmistress herself, only to get the chance to return? He hadn't trained for so long, a part of him is unsure if he even remembers how to play. “Don't get to excited, it's a one time occasion. You're still serving your punishment.” Her voice cut through him like the sharpest knife pinning him to the spot, of course he's still being punished, after what he has done he will never have the right to truly enjoy himself but this is one in a lifetime opportunity, eyes falling down he found it easier to avoid her gaze, light weight falling on his shoulder in a form of a hand “so have fun this time” McGonagall’s expression turned into something more soft and soothing, a thin smile spreading over her face. 

 

Putting on the Quidditch gear again made his mind buzz, they weren't his anymore yet felt so familiar.  The well known feeling of anticipation before a game fills him up creating an experience he didn't think he'd get the right to have again. Yet there he Is, walking the route to the Quidditch pitch just like he did countless times before together with _ his  _ team, with crabbe and Goyle, ignoring the tight feeling in his chest Draco smiled briefly to his glaring teammates, he knew they didn't want him, but today they had no choice. “Are you ready?” The captain blurted out, it was difficult to say if he was ready or not, he can't even remember the last time he rode on a decent broomstick, he grunted pulling his shoulder “should be.”  Quickly enough the bright sunlight hit his pale face together with the crowd booing at the sight of green entering the Quidditch pitch, ah, no matter how much time passes at least one thing is never changing: everyone despises the Slytherin Quidditch team.

In front of them the other team was already waiting, a line shining with with vibrant red which will catch anyone's attention under the bright son, Potter, two Weasley’s and four more frightened children standing besides them. You cannot blame them though, anyone would be terrified if they'd stand next to the brightest seeker in this century together with his friends and famous war heroes, you can't fail in such a team, and if you do, count yourself as the one who disappointed the almighty Harry Potter.

Draco’s team was no different however, besides him all the new team players are newbies, honestly they wouldn't stand a chance against a well trained team like Potter’s. But Draco got an another chance to play, so he might as well use it. With the two teams standing in front of each other Draco let himself explore the crowd, red and gold colors splattered all over it together with excited cheers, there wasn't a decent Quidditch match in years, no surprise everyone are so desperate for this one to happen, the game itself is like a declaration: there's no war anymore, we can be happy again. He couldn't help but to get a tad excited himself, nostalgic restless feeling buzzing in his chest. The broom in his hands was cheap and cranky, definitely nothing like the ones he used to have made of luxurious expensive wood, this will do, he thought, tightening his grip on it, as long as he gets to fly with it.

“YEEES DRACOOO” a well known voice screeched from the first row, Pansy wore her Slytherin scarf proudly amongst a bunch of confused Gryffindors, squeeze between Granger and Blaise who was sitting next to her uncomfortably, but still looked fairly excited. Her left cheek was painted sloppily with green and silver colors while the other had gold and red on it, when did she get so close to the Gryffindors? Granger had red lace braided into her hair with similar face paint, both of them were standing on their toes using their hands so make their voice louder “show them Harry!!!” Granger shouted. “DRACO FUCK THEM UP!!” Pansy's voice overthrew hers, receiving a painful elbow in the ribs by Blaise “language!”  She frowned at him “oh Blaise you're so boring.” He seemed to take offense to that because shortly after Blaise was jumping on his place shouting encouraging swear words louder than everyone. Besides them sat Luna lovegood, wearing that obnoxious Lion on her head against, she was waving sweetly in Weasley's direction, who Draco noticed had her cheeks flushing at the sight. Interesting. Them sitting all bunched up together really made an unusual sight since everyone else cared to sit right next to their housemates, seeing them all jumping and arguing with each other swirled a light fluttering feeling in his stomach, making his laugh pop out like bubbles. “nerds” he heard himself say, the weight on his back becoming slightly more bearable. Turning his attention back to his rival team his heart dropped noticing Potter's eyes on him, the loud cheering buzzing around them while time seemed to freeze as long as their eyes met, locking their gazes together for a minute that seemed like eternity. His heart was hammering hard in his chest, what's going on? Why is he reacting like that? It's just Potter.. looking at him.. if he held this gaze any longer he would have snapped, so he dropped it, feeling his body overflow with relief, but his heart never calming. That's probably the adrenaline, the game is starting soon, it's only normal to be nervous right? Yeah that's probably it. But the upcoming game could not explain the fact that his cheeks were red and his throat went dry from a mere look into Potter's eyes, Draco felt like he was laid down on a plate, exposed to those sharp green eyes, which is normal, they always glared at each other making edgy remarks but now.. somehow, Draco found himself being speechless.

“W-WELCOME EVERYBODY!!”  a loud voice echoed through the pitch belonging to no other than Neville Longbottom, sitting right next to the headmistress. Perhaps this year she made the clever choice letting a mannered kid to be a narrator, this year they won't be experiencing the hotheaded Lee Jordan and it was honestly relieving to know. After his voice a loud cheering broke out, teenagers screaming and clapping raising their preferred team’s banners and overall filling the pitch with noise. “Welcome to our first Quidditch match of this season” Longbottom smiled, “are you ready?!” An another wave of cheers roared all over, Draco's grip on the broomstick tightened.

Both of the teams settled on their brooms waiting for their signal to finally start the game, eyes locking in with Potter's Draco ignored the unusual fluttering in his stomach mouthing: you're going down. Was it a wise choice? Perhaps not but did it excite him to his core? Definitely. And Potter had caught on, answering him with a playful smirk. He'd done this many times yet each time the nerves overflow him again, the cheering crowd turns into a buzz compared to his heartbeat, it may be not his first Quidditch match, but it's definitely his last.

With the signal from Professor Hooch, they took off. 

There are not enough words to describe how much Draco had missed this feeling, the moment his feet pushed off the ground and he soared right into the sky he felt like his lungs fill up with a fresh breath of air as if he wasn't really  breathing up until now, wasn't really living. The Solus bothered him all the time, that's a given. Pulling on his hair and bruising his cheeks, their mere existence drowning him in hollow darkness, but they've got nothing on him once he's in the air as if his broom, besides lifting his own weight, got rid of their burden as well.

It was a lot colder up there with violent wind freezing his fingertips thus he could no longer feel them, Draco didn't mind, since the thrill of owning the sky again filled him up with warmth and excitement he hadn't felt in a long, long time. Meanwhile the game went on “Ah! There she is! Ginny Weasley- Gryffindor’s beloved Chaser is pushing through the rival team!!! Is she going to score?!” Longbottom’s whiny voice rang excitedly through the pitch, Draco didn't really catch on to his team's tactic, considering that he joined at the moment’s notice, deciding to play like he usually did seemed like a wise decision, he let himself rest on his broom while he's positioned on top of the game his eyes scanning the field, taking leveled breaths he fills up with concentration armed and ready to take off at any sign of gold. “-AND SHE SCORES!!” Longbottom's excited yelp gets overshadowed by the loud cheering crowd, Weasley's sister has pushed through Slytherin’s wimpy keeper who looks like he just  experienced an attack by an angry weasel, which is not too far from the truth. “Ooh!! Gryffindor's keeper- Ron Weasley successfully blocks again! Not to be supporting my house or anything but the Slytherin team needs to try harder to break down this defense!!” Slytherin’s beater swung his bat frustratedly, accidentally hitting his fellow teammate in the face. His team was clumsy and unprofessional, chasers practically leaping out of the way each time Ginny even thought about looking in their direction. 

Gryffindor's team collected points quickly shattering whatever's left of his team defenses each and every time, still no snitch in sight.

At the corner of his eye he could see Potter plotting, of course it is important to watch out from him to, the moment he goes for the snitch Draco might be a second too late. Potter had to be the only seeker he ever lost to, he hated to admit that but Potter is good,since through all those years of playing against him, Draco never caught the snitch, not even once. It's a humiliating thought really, being this close but never enough, this might be his last chance to prove himself, he's going to catch it, no matter what. “And he's heading  for the loop- he strikes!! Slytherin's chaser finally strikes!!” Longbottom mutters a little bit disappointedly, his voice matching the booing from the crowd together with the Slytherin house screeching, typical. Even though they just scored, there was no time celebrating their victory- it's still way too far out of reach. The rival team had already gathered one hundred points, sixty more and there will be no point in catching the snitch. His eyes roamed the pitch once again, Potter had made a move but it was clearly a distraction, as if his face wasn't distracting enough. Their eyes met and locked into each other, Draco's senses sharp and his face burning, even the slightest movement- there it is. A ball of gold stops between them it's wings fluttering in a kind of buzz, time stopped between them,both holding a breath- the golden snitch.

Silence around him, not because of a charm, just because nothing else mattered at this point, without skipping a beat Draco leaped towards it with high speed, Potter flying at it too from the opposite direction, the ball noticed them escaping just before it was caught by any of them. “THE SNITCH HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE!” he heard through the wheezing wind in his ears, he  barely dodged a bludger sent his way by a Gryffindor beater, which is bad, since now he had fallen behind Potter. “GRYFFINDOR'S SEEKER- HARRY POTTER IS NOW CHASING THE SNITCH!! WILL HE CATCH IT? OH NO!” the crowd groaned, a bludger had successfully hit the chosen one, spinning him away from the snitch. That's my chance, Draco thought, making his way quickly through his flying teammates, eyes locked on the shiny ball, their score is now one hundred and fourty to Gryffindor, with mere thirty points for his team, if he catches the Snitch now, there's a huge chance they can win. “USING POTTER'S FALL DRACO MALFOY IS GETTING CLOSER TO THE SNITCH! THERE'S STILL A CHANCE HIS TEAM CAN WIN AND HE'S TAKING IT- COME ON HARRY!!” Longbottom whined into the mic, red and green blurring around him as Draco's focus remains on the golden snitch. This cunning ball does all sorts of leaps and turns for Draco to miss him, it will have to try harder, since he's already falling down after it. “Harry!” A similar voice cuts him off, Ginny Weasley flew right by him to mess his course, she succeeded, damn her. “Go!” She screams over his shoulder, Draco turns around and gasps together with the crowd: Potter is on the other side of the pitch, his hand reaching out for the golden ball already, no. 

“EVERYONE CHEERS FOR HARRY POTTER TO CATCH THE SNITCH! WITH MALFOY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PITCH- NO ONE COULD STOP HIM!” no, I can stop him. Draco thought to himself, desperately flying in his direction “PERHAPS AN ANOTHER GRYFFINDOR WIN IS OVER THE CORNER?!” he hears Neville, he hears the loud crowd, I'm not letting him win this, not now, after all those years- his head is louder, louder than any crowd or obnoxious redheads. Fangs were digging into his shoulders now, he feels heavy but his broom takes him with the speed of light, his hand reaching up even though he's far, please- not now- he prayed to no one. Yet the snitch was getting further and further, together with Potter.

That's how it's always been. As long as Draco can remember. Potter is glowing with all his glory, winning, each and every time while Draco's left behind, weeping for no one and everyone at the same time. A golden snitch looks even smaller when you look at it between your fingers but don't feel in in your hand, yet he reaches out as if his hand could stretch to countless meters, the crowd gasps loudly, just as Potter was about to catch it his eyes widened the moment it slipped right between his fingers, the snitch escaped right under Potter's elbow- now flying in Draco's direction.

“UNBELIEVABLE!! JUST BEFORE GETTING CAUGHT THE SNITCH CHANGED COURSE!!” Longbottom shouts his throat out while Draco's arm kept getting heavier, he'd been to focused on the game to notice them: Solus crawling all over his body and face, their tails almost blocking his field of vision, with one fluffy Solus hanging on his wrist  scratching it and biting it as if it tried to stop him, this Solus had thick 'fur’ and a flat face with three glowing white eyes, if Draco had given it more attention, he'd notice a pair of horns sticking out of it's head. Despise the weight Draco leaned onto his broom fully, using his whole body to reach out “please- just let me do this!” He whined, the creature protested,  it's sharp teeth chewing on Draco's fingers. Potter didn't fall behind for too long, already leaping towards the snitch from the other side: now it's about who comes first, both reaching out for the snitch desperately, Draco's tired, so tired of losing to him each and every time, gritting his teeth Draco knew they thought the same thing.

“I won't let you.” 

 

Fingers going numb both from the cold and the way Draco clings them to his borrowed broomstick wind screaming together with all the voices in his mind,  _ just a little more. _ Fingers stretching, both of them are seconds away from the golden ball, it has nowhere to go- with a loud thud they fly past each other their speed creating a loud wave of wind, making Draco squeeze his eyes tightly, feeling the fangs of the furry Solus tearing off his sleeve, falling off him with a loud terrifying screech, he heard nothing, felt nothing besides cold-

Cold metal ball tucked tightly in his fist.

Blinking, Draco tries to focus on his shaky hand, opening it slowly, scared it might run away, since it's the life he's not supposed to be living

The golden snitch.

Reflecting the bright sun right there

In his palm.

And the world filled itself back with sound, loud cheering all over him. “MALFOY CATCHES THE SNITCH!!” Neville groans, but the crowd screams anyway. Potter was right there besides him, glaring at Draco with those wild green eyes his chest heaves as he pants. Somehow the world colored itself with bright vibrant colors, making it  hard for Draco to keep his eyes open, or maybe it's the tears, he couldn't think anymore.

Instead, he pushed his hand tightly against his chest, feeling excitement overflow him. Even the wind became kind to him, patting his hair as a congratulations just like his mother did when he was little. Tears gathering in his eyes but not quite leaving yet taking their time to hang out in his eyes while Draco just  _ breathes _ .

Holding the snitch right next to his chest squeezing so hard his hands sting against the now warm metal, the screams and shouts mixed in his mind entering through one ear and escaping through the other. What was the score again? Did they win? He didn't care, he won. for himself and no other.

_ Goodbye.  _ He curled up into himself,  _ goodbye _ he said, his body trying really hard to remember this feeling, his last Quidditch game, one of many but unlike any other, it was  _ his,  _ the only chance that truly belonged to him.

_ Goodbye,  _ he said to the Quidditch pitch. 

_ Goodbye, _ he mumbled to his broomstick.

_ Goodbye,  _ he looked up, breathing in all the memories. Saying all the goodbyes he didn't get to say during the war.

At last, he looked down at the golden snitch

_ I've finally got you. _ He thought, feeling his lips curl up into a heartfelt smile, _ right under Potter's nose, and I got you. _ His chest filled up with something, something warm, like his mother's cookies, he pressed his lips against the snitch and whispered “thank you.”

“Malfoy-” Potter's voice snapped him from his daze, gray eyes lifting and locking into something that wasn't there before: 

The furry Solus that he was pretty sure he dropped, was floating alone in the air right in front of him, it's white eyes filling up like a potion bottle with shining green, Draco had to squint in order to look at it, since now it's black fur began cracking with the same green light shining through, at first he was sure it's going to explode, but instead, it  _ bloomed _ . Like the most beautiful, magical flower. And it was no longer a scary dark creature- The Solus turned into a green spirits, it's form moving in delicate swirls and it's sluggish consistency turned into a soft fog, just like a cloud.

Bright green meeting gray, their eyes locked, Draco was pretty sure the Solus sparkled with everything that's clean and pure, and with a swish of the wind, it flew right through Draco's chest.

And it's like weight lifted off his back.

 

They didn't win, even though Draco caught the snitch, the Gryffindor team earned more points leading up to two hundred points against one hundred and eighty in Gryffindor's favor. He didn't really care, it's not like he'd ever get the chance to play for his team again, he's banned after all.  Right after landing Draco found himself being choked in a tight hug by no other that Pansy who wept into his shoulder “anh we were so close!! I'm so proud of you Draco!! You did amazing” all he could do is chuckle, guess that enough since she kept jumping in place and left him to hug Granger instead, they got pretty close hadn't they? When did this even happen? “Really, good job Malfoy” Granger smiled at him, he nodded. “Oh come on guys, Gryffindor is the team that won! I don't seem to get any praise.” Potter muttered besides them, with his arms crossed over his chest and a pout hanging on his lips “oh Harry, you did well too” Granger rubbed his mess of a hair, Potter smiled brightly, Draco's heart skipped a beat. Wait what? 

Collectively deciding to ignore this (collectively as he, the voices in his head and these damn Solus.) Draco snorted, sneering in Potter's direction “would you look at that, the almighty Potter is sobbing over a snitch.” The git rolled his eyes “yeah right, as if I hadn't seen you crying when you finally caught it.” Damn. A blush crept down his neck, Draco didn't think Potter would see that. Perhaps he assumed Potter would be too busy to notice as he was cradled by his Quidditch team, guess he always has time to mock Draco. The whole gang came down to the Pitch, Loony lovegood floated around Ginny, who’s face matched the color of her hair. Weasley jumped excitedly together with Pansy, pulling his girlfriend back towards him in a kind of passive aggressive manner, seems like Granger had created herself a freaking harem. Even Blaise came, congratulating Draco though he hadn't won anything, still nice though.  

Letting his eyes wander Draco peeked at Potter, he had no idea why would he do that, but he did. Had he seen what happened to that Solus? Should he ask? Something about the way Potter grinned in his direction made him too nervous to ask, he'll probably do this later, once his fucking heartbeat calms down.

It's only then when he notices that Pansy has gone quiet, her brows furrowed in worry “hey, are you okay?” He stepped closer to her, she shook her head, Draco followed her gaze: the dumb ravenclaw who dumped her stood right in front of them  _ snickering _ like a total asshole, which he is. Everyone noticed her mood, the whole team Gryffindors and Slytherins alike glaring at him all together. 

Just as Draco was about to step forward to have a little friendly chat he felt a tough hand pushing him back, it was Hermione, already making her way towards him.

“Uh oh.” Weasley whined

**Smack** . The whole group winced as Hermione punched the ravenclaw right in the face. “That must've hurt” Potter grimaced, everyone around him nodding “oh I know.” Draco said, a painful memory from his third year flashing right before his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let the pining begin my dudes


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can one truly be forgiven, after ruining someone's life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALIVE!! God this chapter took so long to write I'm so sorry you guys;; it had been exam season and I was extremely busy with school, sorry for the late update! But here's a 7k chapter just for you~ hope you like it!

**Guilt** ****  
**[gilt]** **  
** **noun**

****  
**the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability:** **  
** **He admitted his guilt.**

 

With the bright morning light peeking through the window Draco curled up on his bed, he's been awake for quite a while now actually, facing a quite bothering phenomenon. After his last Quidditch game an unusual thing happened, Solus shining brightly and just-  _ disappearing. _ Well, at least that's what he thought at the moment when a rather fluffy Solus sparkled in many shades of green, even the weight left his back for a blissful moment. Yes, exactly, a moment.  What he noticed later was that in fact, all the Solus stayed in place, and were now peering up at him in his own bed. He himself sat right in front of them (had quite the fight, peeling them off his body in order to place them on his forsaken bed.) His knees pushed up to his chest with his hands idly wrapped around them, head resting on his knees. He was glaring down on a bunch of creatures eyes narrowing in suspicion, seven. There were seven Solus sitting on his bed, he checked countless times, but the fluffy one from the game just  _ vanished. _ Of course when they were all piling up on his back he'd never tell them apart, but looking at them now, each and every one of them looks entirely different.

He tried hard to recall what happened during the game; as he was about to reach out for the snitch the Solus just started rioting, scratching his face, pulling at his hair, but the fluffy behaved differently, it was hanging on his hand in a desperate attempt to stop him from catching the snitch, and the moment his fist clasped around the gold ball this particular Solus just fell of his arm- perhaps because of the sudden stop, and moments later it was floating up in the air right in front of him.  Will it come back? Had it left for good? He wasn't certain, maybe the potion worked in delay? Then why only one of them disappeared? Draco rubbed his head frustratedly, nothing made sense in his head. 

Countless questions followed him around his day, during History of magic Draco found himself staring at those creatures instead of listening to professor's rambling counting them again and trying to sort them out in timetables, maybe they have a certain type, but the more he went on the more he understood that actually they're all fairly different. In front of him Potter sat leaning into his palm, he was clearly trying not to fall asleep yet miserably failing with his head hitting the table countless times throughout this lesson, noticing how he leans into his hand himself Draco found it difficult to try looking at the board, his eyes drifting towards Potter's bush of a hair. Raven curls sticking out it many directions, Merlin, Potter is such a mess. But somehow, Draco couldn't tear his gaze away from him, from behind Potter’s obnoxious bush of hair reminded him of a Solus somehow.. eyes flickering between the mass of creatures to the mass of hair, maybe that's why he's annoyed from the Solus so much, they all remind him of Potter.   

There was something he had to know, so many questions unanswered all regarding the creatures living on Draco's back, looking up to professor Binns Draco decided it won't hurt to try now, his mother already taught him tons of history anyway. Pulling out a new piece of paper Draco scribbled a question carefully: 

 

_ Have you seen what happened during the game? _

 

Gray eyes scanning his neat handwriting Draco took a deep breath and with a swish of his wand sent this note to Potter, it took the git a couple of seconds to notice, sending Draco a confused look Potter bowed down to to write an answer himself, soon enough the parchment was back on Draco's table with a new attachment. Draco squinted at the bold messy handwriting scoffing loud enough for Potter to hear “what a slob.” He murmured under his breath, trying to understand what the heck Potter slapped on there

**Besides me beating your ass? Nah, you're just lucky.**

 

Draco scoffed again, luck? He was the one to catch the snitch, noticing Potter looking in his direction, Draco stuck out his tongue and mouthed “loser.” Receiving an over the top eye roll from the Gryffindor.

Now he had to make his own handwriting extra pretty, just for pettiness sake, to remind Potter yet again how much he's superior, pushing his quill against his lower lip Draco thought his words over, and then wrote them down

 

_ Fuck you Potter. _

 

Ah, what a great start, looks perfect with neat thin lines as if they stretched out of Draco's long pale fingers, while Potter's writing seemed to be punching the poor parchment, chuckling to himself, he continued

 

_ Even though I'd gladly remind you about your shameful loss during the latest Quidditch game you see, I hadn't trained in years just to beat your ass, Making me curious if you were just staring at me the whole time. _

 

A bit out of topic, but Draco had to shove it in his face, also he had to fold it like a rose and blow it in Potter's direction,again, for pettiness sake. Of course.

Seeing Potter flustered however, was worth a thousand of silly paper roses making Draco's heart skip a beat like that when he noticed a wave of crimson covering Potter's cheeks, what the hell. Why would he react this way? Potter is not pretty or graceful, his hair looks like a bush, his handwriting is a complete mess smearing ink all over a perfectly good parchment, his hands feel like sandpaper with a dirty button up which he clearly never bothers to press, tying a tie would be Potter's biggest nightmare everything about him is so un-Draco like, so unorganized and sloppy, without Hermione he wouldn't even brew a potion properly and yet, and yet…

Draco felt a sigh leaving his body, leaning onto his his palm he just looked at Potter sticking out his tongue in concentration as he destroyed the parchment in order to write his reply, with his filthy glasses casually sliding down his nose, everything moved so slowly, he so un-Draco like, making him a Potter. a messy, stupid, and incredibly talented, handsome, special...Potter. it was Potter note that cleared his head, thank Merlin, if he drowned in them even more he could melt.

 

**You wish, I wouldn't stare at you even if my life depended on it, you however, know how to cling to me during life or death situations pretty well, my ribs still hurt from the room of requirement.**

 

Draco's lingering stare turned into a glare pretty quickly, especially after reading that embarrassing note, stupid Potter, nothing about him is handsome nor special, he's just a fucking jerk.

 

_ Moving on. _

_ I need to meet you after class. _

 

This time he simply folded the note, throwing it at Potter's head as hard as he could, this brought tons of attention especially after Potter's loud yell “ow Malfoy- what the fuck?” The note left a mark on his forehead, perhaps because Draco twisted it a bit with a weight charm, but the ghost professor didn't even bother to look up from his notes, continuing to ramble about history.

**What, is that a date?**

 

Seeing the short note Potter made sure to charm into stabbing him with it's edges Draco's face went red heart hammering in his ribcage. 

He meant it as a joke you idiot, he told himself, being even angrier from the fact that Draco even considered getting excited about Potter, what was his deal anyway? Draco was pretty decent around him before that,yeah he'd daydream about him from time to time but it's not too serious. Taking a deep breath Draco wrote his reply

 

_ No dumbass, it's about the Solus, meet me in the library together with Granger and the others. _

 

A hopeful part in Draco's head hoped Potter would be disappointed that it's in fact, not a date, an another side of his really wished he'd stop feeling this way, what way, actually? They just got closer due to the Solus situation it's nothing special. But passing notes with Potter during History of magic turned out to be quite fun, perhaps he should do that more.

 

* * *

 

Dropping his bags on his bed Harry stretched out lazily breathing in the air in their dorm, cozy and welcoming as ever, Hogwarts has always been his home, more than anything in his life, even Grimmauld place didn't have the same impact on him like Hogwarts did. More than anything he was happy that he got to protect this place, his friends became his family, his heart ached from the thought that it's his last year at Hogwarts,soon there will be no more feasts, no more Quidditch games, he'd miss the teachers, yes, but most of all he'd miss his life here, what if when he leaves he will have nothing to look up to? 

He was a hero for everyone, a savior of the wizarding world. people like him should be looking forward for their bright future filled with fame and easy opportunities, but what if Harry will fail to find himself? Blurred between billions of people who admire him being nothing but an empty shell of what he once was? 

No, this is what he died for, this place was the reason for him to come back to life, Hogwarts, his home, and the people in it who built him up from a boy sobbing under the stairs terrified from the voices upstairs, loud steps marking that his uncle is coming to get him and remind him of everything he'd ever done wrong- even if it's just him existing. In Hogwarts his being was never a mistake, the place where he truly belongs amongst witches and wizards enjoying magic and friendship all together, he'd never be alone here. 

In the real world he would.

Him killing Voldemort divided Harry from the crowd. Reminding Harry of one time his muggle school went to a museum showcasing amazing statues of almighty greek heroes, they always scared Harry, perfect figure carved into cold stone so brilliant yet so distant, so lonely, Harry never wanted to be like that, not ever desired his character standing proud in front of people his face forever smiling at them passing by and then they'd whisper 'here he is, Harry Potter, our hero’ they would nod in excitement, perhaps mention his name in a couple of history lessons but never caring about who he truly was, what he loved or feared, he'd become this mindless figure existing only of the great thing he'd done when he was 17, children would aspire to be like him feeling so little in front of his grand name. But the truth they'd never know is how his life would be after the battle of Hogwarts, how he'd shadow from the fame or fall onto a painful tragedy just like many heroes did before him

 

Because heroes are always unhappy in the end.

 

"Harry?” a voice brought him back, Neville just entered the room his hand still on the door handle “are you okay? you seem bothered” he let himself enter the room closing the door behind him, Neville was eyeing Harry suspiciously as if there was something he wasn't saying. “Uh, yeah” Harry blurted, running his hand through his hair “was just about to go out, I need to meet Malfoy in the library.” He cringed, somehow it was weird to say, but it was true, yet Harry felt awkward addressing it out loud, yes, he and Malfoy were meeting but their friends are also going to be there, Malfoy had something important to discuss. 

Seems like Harry wasn't the only one who found it weird, since Neville's eyebrows  furrowed into a frown “Malfoy.” He said, his tone cold. Harry nodded, swallowing hard, somehow it was hard to meet his gaze. Neville looked something between hurt and completely furious and all Harry could think about is how Neville sliced Nagini with the Gryffindor sword, and if he should await such fate himself. Neville leaned against the door folding his arms over his chest “really? After all those years? You just go and hang out with him like that?”  he tried to keep it tough but Harry noticed how Neville's voice broke at the end his hands no longer looked like he was folding them, but keeping himself together instead “why would you do that?” Harry's stomach clenched, it was barely a whisper but it hit him right in the gut, Neville looked straight up broken, Harry dropped his gaze. “Neville.. it's not what you think… he's- he's changed… Malfoy’s different now” their eyes met, and Harry regretted they did “he's been through a lot… life has been really hard on him, you've got to understand buddy”  the more Harry talked the less he found sense in what he's saying, did Draco really change? Harry had no right to say that, he barely knew him, the only reason he and Malfoy started talking from the beginning was because Harry could see the Solus after that he simply convinced himself that Malfoy was worth saving.

“He's been through a lot huh?” Neville tightened his grip on himself “he abused me Harry. For years. I thought you'd understand.” Harry's heart dropped to his stomach.

Of course he'd understand, all those years Dudley beat him up and tease him, making Harry angry, afraid. 

He remembers that constant fear oh so well, walking in his muggle school halls avoiding any eye contact yet still suffering from a bunch of children who thought so high of themselves, Malfoy was a bully just like Dudley. Harry knew that, he hated Malfoy for years and yet now.. Merlin, of course Neville is angry, Harry acts as if he's forgotten  how much Malfoy bullied Neville, while for Harry Hogwarts was his newfound home-

For Neville this place was a living nightmare.

Because of Malfoy, not because he was a death eater or a Slytherin, but because Draco just fucking felt like it. A memory from earlier today flashed in his mind, Malfoy smiling at him, calling him a loser creating a knot in his chest, he felt so ashamed for that now. looking at Neville,  _ his friend  _ who he just betrayed like that, and for who? For a boy who tried to kill him for years? Who made countless lives miserable? “Do you even know how scary it is?” Neville sobbed.

_ I know. _

“Do you understand I can never forgive what he's done to me?”

_ I do. _

It was hard to see but Neville was shaking, the door behind him being his only support. 

“I tried you know” he looked up at the ceiling, Harry listened. “i saw him get beat up countless times, I also caught him crying in the bathroom.” Harry knew exactly the day he talked about, when he and Malfoy fought in the bathroom and Harry stormed off leaving him there, alone and miserable. “I helped him, gave him food, even though he pushed me earlier.” Neville muttered, bitterness in his voice “he didn't even thank me Harry, he just ate and left. Even after I helped him he turned his back on me.”  

“Neville… I'm sorry..” Harry mumbled, barely hearing himself “he...he needed help..” Neville just sighed, “and there you are, just offering help for free to anyone who's asking for it.”  He didn't want to hurt his friend like that, Harry was ready to burst on Malfoy at any moment letting out all the anger that woken up in him but then he remembered the Solus, he remembered how heavy they felt in his hands, how Malfoy has to carry on with them each and every day. “do you ever feel like there's suffocating weight on your back?” Harry asked,with nothing but desperation moving him along, Neville stared at him for a good minute before nodding “if you could… remove it.. would you?” 

“Of course” Neville said. Harry shifted his weight from leg to leg “I am the only one who could help Malfoy lift his weight.. I know it's wrong- I know he's... wrong…” he stared at his feet fists clenched at his sides, Neville just sighed “and you just had to save him, that's very Harry of you” Neville managed a low grin, but Harry knew it came with a heavy cost “I can't change your mind Harry, but I can't flutter around him so easily like you guys do...it's just... unfair”. No matter how much he'd think about it, Harry would never find what to say, he failed Neville, a friend who fought by his side, who shared the same prophecy “ I'm sorry.”

That's all he could say.

 

* * *

 

And on that sweet note, he took off to the library. 

He'd already told Hermione and the others to meet him in the library and while his legs led him to a place he knew well, his mind drifted somewhere else. Neville's face appeared whenever he closed his eyes, his broken voice rang in his ears each moment he let himself drift in thought, he felt so fucking angry- at Malfoy, but mostly at himself. Not noticing how he reached his destination so soon Harry found himself meeting face to face with what he feared most. Malfoy looked up to him, he was sitting in the far corner of the library together with Blaise and Pansy, there was a playful glint in his eye when he saw him, thin smile tugging at his lips “Hey Potter” he said, Harry just grunted avoiding his gaze, not letting green meet gray, even though Malfoy’s eyes were desperately searching for him, smile dropping into slight confusion Malfoy watched while Harry flopped down in the far end of the table, Merlin, he felt so guilty.

Furrowing his brows lightly Malfoy glared at him but didn't say anything, Harry was grateful for that, since he wasn't sure he could answer. “Yo guys!” He was so happy to hear Ron's voice approaching their table together with Hermione, his bright smile lifting up the intense energy at the table within seconds “sorry we're late” Hermione panted, sitting down right next to Draco, since it's kind of the last place that's left, she didn't seem to mind. Ron grabbed a chair and dragged it to their table and when they all settled Blaise spoke “so, why did we all gather up here?” Actually, Harry wanted to know too, during their history of magic lesson Malfoy said something about their last Quidditch game, even though Harry didn't notice anything out of the ordinary Malfoy did seem.. lighter. 

Taking a deep breath Malfoy leaned onto the table his hands fiddling nervously “one of the Solus vanished.” He stated.

“WHAT” Ron and Harry both got up from their seats, Harry scanned the bundle of creators and Hermione bit her lower lip, Pansy just squeaked in excitement “shh!!” They heard from behind them, Blaise pulled Ron to sit back down “but how?” Hermione said, keeping her voice low “the potion worked?” Blaise squinted at Malfoy as if he tried really hard to see the Solus, but failed. “That's what I thought at the beginning”  Malfoy met his gaze, Harry's heart skipped a beat “I wonder if Potter had seen it too” Harry frowned, he doesn't remember anything from the last fifteen minutes of the game, as if everything is blank until Hermione punched that bloody ravenclaw right in the face, he shook his head, Malfoy sighed, continuing: “the moment I caught the snitch one of the Solus just fell off me and.. bloomed?” Everyone gazed at him, now when he said it, there really seem to be less Solus crawling on Malfoy’s back. “What did you feel when it happened?” he blurted out, his voice tense and uncomfortable, Hermione noticed of course, sending him a questioning look which he ignored. Malfoy's gaze was fixated on his pale hands resting against the wooden table recalling the fresh memory the best he could “it floated in front of me with cracks appearing everywhere...and with a splash of green light the Solus didn't look like itself anymore and more like an actual spirit- it flew through me, and the weight on my back lightened a little.”  Hermione nodded her eyes shadowed with deep concentration, she hummed “maybe it has to do something with you catching the snitch? It could be a trigger somehow releasing that Solus from you”. the table did nothing but to nod in agreement, Ron let out an exasperated sound like a dying whale, common sound for Ron Weasley when he thought. “then it leaves us the event before he caught the snitch.” Blaise said, turning everyone's attention to him “Quidditch.” 

“Quidditch” Hermione agreed, “You like Quidditch right?” She turned to Malfoy, who nodded “been playing since I was a child, my-” his voice broke down a little before he continued “my father taught me how to fly my broom” 

“could it be related to quidditch though? Draco has been doing it his whole life, it's not that special.” Blaise said, quidditch did seem a pretty regular thing, why would it trigger the Solus blooming? There clearly was a part they were missing. Harry risked a glance at Malfoy's direction, seemed like mentioning his father made him a little paler even against the soft light of the library. Quidditch is one of many connections between him and Malfoy, gasoline keeping the flame of their rivalry going strong “maybe something that happened during the game? Catching the snitch for example?” Harry suggested, as much as it pained him remembering how Malfoy slipped right past him catching the snitch, he's bitter about it even though their team won, like it's a personal loss to Harry.

“But Draco did catch the snitch before, that makes no sense.” Pansy protested.

“Not from Harry.”

After being quiet the whole conversation, Ron suddenly blurted out, his blue eyes cold like glass, looking right at Malfoy, who went even paler. Everyone just gaped at him, Hermione's mouth forming a small 'o’, its true that Malfoy had never caught the snitch playing against Harry, but he never saw it as such a big deal, Malfoy is a  _ strong  _ seeker, the most challenging one Harry ever had to deal with after probably Cedric, he'd never tell him that, but it's true. Still, it's just catching the snitch against Harry, it's not that special, right?

“Of course! How could I be so stupid?!” Hermione groaned, slapping herself of the forehead “that's why Harry can see them! It's a  _ bond!  _ Of course it has to relate to Harry somehow!” She was so excited for her breakthrough but Harry just felt his stomach flip uncomfortably 

_ He's a bully _

Neville's voice rang in his ears, he’s having a bond with a bully, a death eater. Guilt overflew him, could he really help Malfoy now? Even though he's the one who offered it, Harry doubted he could bear facing Neville again, he closed his eyes holding them shut tightly.

“Draco, what did you feel when you caught the snitch?” Hermione asked, her eyes sparkling, opening his own Harry realized Malfoy was looking right at him, Solus rioting on his back as if to prevent him from saying it “I felt…”  Draco winced, one of the Solus pulled his hair, he took some time to answer his eyes flickering like he’s a young writer trying to put his feelings into words “.. happy.” He finished, and Harry remembered.

He remembered Draco's expression the second he caught the snitch: he didn't scream nor raise his hands declaring his victory, Malfoy held the snitch tightly in his hands curling into himself with the snitch pressed right against his chest, Harry couldn't speak, he doubted he'd hear him, as if Malfoy created a bubble around himself deleting everything outside it. The sun blinded Harry as Malfoy looked up at the sky tears making his eyes look less gray and actually match the vibrant colors of the sky, Harry was completely taken away- so shaken at how  _ beautiful  _ Malfoy looked then, his eyes told so many emotions, it wasn't the usual excitement and happiness you'd expect from winning a game, no, this was something else. Malfoy’s pale skin glowed against the bright sun making him look godly, with all of his guards down Draco's shoulders relaxed, the boy just breathed like he'd just been underwater, as if he'd never really tasted fresh air before now. It looked almost sad, he shouldn't be seeing this, Harry thought at the moment but couldn't tear his eyes away. Malfoy had taken his walls off for one blissful moment, no, this wasn't just happiness that Harry was seeing, it's happiness in its purest form: 

 

_ Freedom. _

 

That's what it was, something Malfoy couldn't form into words, he wasn't just happy, he was  _ letting go _ . 

“Well that's easy then! In order to get rid of the Solus we just have to do things that make Draco happy!” Pansy exclaimed, shooting her friend a happy look, everyone agreed with her already whispering possibilities between themselves, no, that's not it, Harry had to say it

_ He's a bully. _

“I don't think it's that simple.” Ron said what Harry couldn't manage to, instead the savior of the wizarding world let out a choked cry, luckily everyone's attention was turned to Ron, who seemed to be uncomfortable with all the attention he was getting, biting his lower lip the freckled boy spoke “I.. I have panic attacks” the bomb dropped shutting down all the excited chattering surrounding the table moments ago “it's due to my anxiety you see, when… when Mal- Draco talked about weight on his back, I could deeply relate.” 

“Ron..” Hermione said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Something in Malfoy melted since he looked at Ron with such awe you'd never think they hated each other before. “The thing is, I don't think just being happy will vanish them, just like being among friends whom I like and trust, won't keep me safe from anxiety.” He mumbled, perking up suddenly “it's not like it doesn't help! But it never goes away entirely you know” seemed like Malfoy knew, since he nodded slowly, his whole focus turned on Ron. 

“The way I look at it, is that Quidditch wasn't simply something Draco enjoyed, it's something that was taken away from him.” 

_ they wouldn't let me play quidditch. _ Harry's mind reminded him of something Malfoy said to him once, when they were laying down on the grass in the middle of the quidditch pitch. 

“Draco got a chance- one of a lifetime, to really play one last time against his long term rival, someone who he always failed to defeat”  everything seemed to click together now, Ron is right, it was way more than a game to Malfoy, it was his childhood taken away from him. 

“You know how my therapist helps me deal with anxiety?” Ron asked Malfoy softly, who swallowed hard trying to keep eye contact “when there's such burdening weight, so heavy you can barely breathe, the best way to deal with it is to face it.” Ah, the countless times Ron had to face his worst fears just to help Harry, all he could do is smile gratefully at his best friend. “What you did during the game, is exactly that. There are things that a burdening you creating so much weight, you've got to face them Draco.”  Ron said, finishing the sentence with a soft smile, Malfoy couldn't return it.

 

* * *

 

And on that sweet fucking note (again.) , the group dissolved agreeing that it's an issue for an another day. Draco was glad to escape the library, spending so much time in there was suffocating especially with the weird tense air that has been going on between him and Potter. Did something happen? Draco wondered. Shooting glances at the Gryffindor throughout their whole meeting, Potter seemed to be strictly avoiding his gaze,  perhaps he's imagining things, he and Potter had been exchanging notes just a couple hours ago, and it was fun! Then what's wrong? Deciding that thinking about the burdening weight on his back would be too heavy for now (literally) he approached Harry.

“Hey Potter” he said, they were now standing in the hallway right next to the library, Hermione has shot him a worried smile, Potter hadn't met his eye “hey.” He grumbled. “You good?” It was weird having a somewhat civil conversation with Potter, but over all the Solus research Quidditch matches and potion brewing, it seemed like they formed somewhat of a bond- if of course, Draco hadn't completely misunderstood the situation. “Fine.” Potter said shortly, turning away and storming off without adding another word.

“He is clearly not fine.” Draco stated, folding his arms over his chest, Hermione hummed, her expression worried “did you guys have a fight?”  Draco frowned at her “fight? No?” He couldn't recall any fights with Potter recently, which was surprising as it is- him and Potter actually getting along well, accompanied by some weird feeling Draco couldn't name yet, around Potter he felt… lighter? But in the same time incredibly tense, always fighting the feeling to tug his mess of a hair behind the gits ear, literally it never stays in one place does it? Potter's mop really  _ is  _ like the Solus, black fluffy and  _ annoying. _

Yes, annoying, that how Draco would call him, but fights? No, they most definitely had none of those lately, then why Potter switched all of the sudden? 

“I'm sure he's just in a bad mood” Hermione reassured him “he will be back being himself in no time.”

 

Hermione, of course, was wrong.

During their potions lesson Potter hadn't even met his eye as if looking in his direction would land a some kind of curse, when Draco asked for some basilisk fang from the golden trio’s table Weasley,  _ Weasley _ was the one to give Draco the ingredient while Potter straight up  _ ignored him. _ Each time Draco leaned over their table the git suddenly found some random ravenclaw girl very interesting jumping into a conversation about reptiles, the girl, being an utter nerd, always answered him even though she looked at tad confused every time the chosen one leaped into a conversation, furrowing her brows she'd say: “Harry, you had already asked me that.”  and he would chuckle like a fucking idiot saying “oh sorry, I just...er… really like reptiles, yeah.” Which everyone knew is a blunt lie, Potter is a Gryffindor, and every Gryffindor hates anything that's to do with reptiles. But maybe it's just because he's such a fucking snake, that would suit him.

Fine, maybe he's avoiding you. Draco thought to himself as he burned Potter's nape with his glare, Hermione and the Weasel shared confused looks trying to get Potter's attention, who (with no surprise) gladly left his precious conversation about how many types of venomous snakes there is at Hogwarts.  “What's up guys?” He said innocently, Draco groaned out loud “are you alright mate?” Ron placed a freckled hand on his shoulder, shooting nervous glances in Draco's direction. “Yeah, why?” Potter batted his eyes like a stupid child, looking at his friends but not on Draco “uh... you're kind of ignoring Malfoy..”   Weasley looked uncomfortable making up between them, especially when he hated Draco and nothing really happened for Potter to ignore him. “What? No I'm not.” Potter had the  _ nerve  _  to say that, finally meeting Draco's eye giving him a tense smile before quickly fixing his attention back to his friend, yeah, right. “He… asked you for some basilisk fangs earlier..?” It was kind of weird hearing them talk about him in third person when he stood right behind Weasley, but with Potter's small mind such tactics are necessary. “Yeah but I was busy talking to- uh..” Potter stuttered, looking at the ravenclaw girl sitting in the next table “Jessica.” Hermione said, giving her friend a stern look. “Yeah! Jessica!” Potter squeaked “also, you already handed him some! So there's no problem”

No problem? Draco let his jaw stay hanging, he'd been clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned white, this is just plain rude at this point, if Potter wants to fight, Draco will give him one hell of a fight- 

“Mr. Malfoy” Slughorn's voice startled him, cutting off his line of thought, the old man stood right behind them his skin sweaty in the foaming room filled with many bubbling potions, perhaps that's why Snape always looked greasy spending so much time in the dungeons. Draco coughed, sustaining his anger at Potter “yes professor?” He asked in his usual sweet voice “you seem to be spending an awful lot of time near this table, don't you have a potion to finish? quit the chattering!” The professor barked at him, flinching, Draco shot one last glare at Potter before turning back to his table.

Throughout the whole day Potter avoided him, turning away from him in the hallways sitting far away during lessons, they even ran across each other in the bathroom once! And Potter, being his true self and completely dumb, just ran back into his stall and locked himself in there.

 

Draco, in a word, was frustrated.

  
  


During their dinner Draco dared to try again, since the beginning of their research about those creatures he believed he'd managed to create some sort of a bond with the Gryffindors, dare he say even a  _ friendship _ , ever since Hermione and Pansy made up, the girls made sure to sit together during feasts and chatter about boys and what not, casually dragging their friends including himself and Potter to the table they chose to sit in at the moment, so at dinner time Draco grinned as Pansy perked up noticing the golden trio entering the great hall, Hermione waving at her with excitement grabbing Weasley by the hand and tugging him in their direction, Slytherin table it is then, Draco thought, his eyes steady on Potter, who didn't dare to take a step in their direction only to be noticed by Hermione moments later, he sat too far to actually hear their conversation but by the looks of it Potter pointed awkwardly towards the Gryffindor table rubbing the back of his neck apologetically, Hermione furrowed her brows at him, even Weasley seemed concerned. A part of him wished that his friends would convince Potter to join their meal but Hermione and Weasley came to their table alone “Harry's been so weird lately” she said, sliding in right next to Pansy “said he had something he and Ginny had to talk about”  Ginny? a sharp feeling stabbed him in his stomach. Why would Potter want to talk to his ex girlfriend? Unless…  _ they want to get back together _ , why would he care anyway? Merlin Draco was so angry. 

While glaring at his meal, containing mashed potatoes and some vegetables on the side Draco thought over many ways to mash Potter up, grind him perhaps? Draco thought as he stuck his fork in the mass squishing it under pressure and moving it around the plate, or maybe he should squish him to death, there should be a spell for giant forks, if not, he'd invent one. Because Harry Potter has officially gotten on his nerves.

How can you just convince someone you can help them, hang around with them until they feel utterly confused and then suddenly just ignore their existence? He wondered while imagining his blob of mashed potatoes as Potter's face, slicing it in half and dividing it in two groups. Draco sighed, pushing some food in his mouth at last, no matter how angry he felt, how much he'd like to stab Potter with a fork, most of all Draco felt  _ sad. _ after all they've been through, after the way Potter smiled at him during that last Quidditch game or how he teased him at class with notes scribbled in his ugly writing, it felt playful- it felt  _ nice. _ Like he and Potter finally found a middle ground, them getting along after all those years is the only good thing that came out of those Solus, Draco stretched his neck, winching from the pain brought to him from all this weight, Solus crawling all over him trying to turn over his drink, with little to no success since Draco had gotten used to them, always holding his cup tightly in his hand to prevent it from spilling all over his meal. but together with getting used to dealing with the Solus, Draco got used to Potter's presence, the way Harry switched so suddenly left a hollow feeling in his stomach, Draco hated it. 

“Hey Draco?” Pansy whispered to him while Hermione chatted with Ron, leaning closer she made sure they wouldn't hear their conversation “you know about the Solus and all? Ron's suggestion?” There was something knowing in her gaze, she was careful as if she's talking to a scared animal “so… I thought about a thing you always wanted to so but you couldn't, a weight on your chest” Draco furrowed his brows at her, he knew where this was going “you should tell them.” Pansy said, Draco hissed at her “no! no I shouldn't” not only that he was angry at Potter right now, he didn't need additional pressure from Pansy “oh come on!” She whined “you know they would accept you if you'd come out-”  and then he saw him,Potter getting out of his chair hurrying to leave the great hall. Draco jerked up with a sharp shriek of his chair startling everyone surrounding him “Draco? Where- hey!” Ignoring Pansy he followed Potter with quick steps, he can't miss this opportunity to talk to him, not now. As he escaped the great hall he saw Potter's back turning to the nearest hallway probably on his way to the Gryffindor common room, Draco  _ had _ to reach him before that. Breaking into a sprint his footsteps echoed through the stone hallways, as he made his turn he could see him just a couple of meters away. “Potter!” He called out, running up to him and stopping, panting heavily as he leaned onto his knees to catch his breath, Potter visibly stiffened by the sound of his voice, slowly turning to face him “what do you want?” He asked, his tone uncharacteristically cold, something twisted in Draco's stomach, it's the voice he'd tend to use back in the old days when he called him names and Potter would give him the exact same response, filled with  _ hate  _ as if he's talking to an enemy, something about his tone didn't fit the Potter he knew now, cold was not a match to his dark warm skin and his bright green eyes, when Potter smiled he'd shine brighter than the sun his effortless laugh filling in the air around them, warmth spreading all over Draco's body as he did so. But there was no memory of such warmth now in the way Harry acted around him, why? They seemed okay only a little while ago, what happened? Draco's head overflowing with thoughts he bit on his lower lip “er..” he murmured, straightening up “are you avoiding me?” The silence that followed was suffocating, behind Potter's eyes he could see all the things he's processing in his head, Draco's silhouette mirrored in the now dark green of his eyes, at last, Potter answered “yes.” Something in Draco crushed as he flinched at the words “why?” He managed to blurt out, if he could pinpoint the way Potter glared at him now, he'd call that feeling pity. 

“Because you had found a solution didn't you? You know how to get rid of the Solus, there's no need for us to be friendly anymore.” Even though one of them bloomed just recently, Draco felt like additional weight was gathering up at his back crawling on top of him with their undying presence “what- what are you saying?”  

“I'm saying that there's no need for me to hang out with a death eater anymore.” Potter said, his voice cold yet hesitant, but Draco did not hear that through the blood bubbling in his veins, being called by that name again was enough for his wrist to throb as if to remind him what's there, Draco held his hands in tight fists feeling his fingers losing sensation “oh is that so? Of course! The chosen one is too important to be seen with the likes of me huh? Think it's making you dirty!” Draco said through gritted teeth, stepping closer as Potter took a step back, his expression unreadable “Calling me a death eater, how original Potter! Did that little brain of yours think about that?  Or maybe one of your Gryffindor bullies handed you advise? Hmm?” Potter's eyes burned with fire, just like they did in Myrtle’s bathroom just a couple years ago “don't go calling others bullies now! You've been ruining other people's lives since the day you got here! And the only thing that's stopping you now is the fact that the ministry might actually lock you up for it, just like they did to your father.” It hit low, Draco's eyes widening in disbelief as he lurched at Potter grabbing him by his collar, Solus running wild on his back their claws burning on his skin “don't you  _ dare  _ talk about my father! You don't even know me!” He shouted, his eyes gray like a winter storm were now striking with thunder, hate and anger both burning up in them as if all the nice things the did since the beginning of the semester were nothing but masks getting thrown out now “what there is to know? That you're a rich prick who had everything since he was born?” Potter muttered, pushing Draco away from him “I've been trying!” Draco shouted, his chest rising and falling heavily “I've been trying so hard all year!! I tried to do- to be better!” 

“Don't make yourself a fucking saint just because you've been decent!” Potter yelled back “you've tortured so many over the years- you've made Neville's and Hermione's life hell!”  It looked like at any moment Potter would reach out for his wand hexing him on the spot, but Draco didn't care, he'd been filled up with so much fury “Hermione forgave me!!” he wailed in desperation, at that Potter walked up to him entering his personal space in mere seconds pushing a painful finger at his chest so forcefully Draco had to step back only for Potter to follow “and you're so fucking lucky she did! You think you fixed everything?! Hermione is just too kind, you may assume you are her friend, but you weren't there confronting her crying when  _ you  _ called her a mudblood.” He wasn't shouting anymore, but his quiet voice was equally as terrifying, Draco dropped his gaze facing anything but Potter's glare “so how about you go and face your problems alone for once, I bet you could buy yourself a new couple of sidekicks soon enough.” And with that, he turned around walking away with his back to Draco who faced the floor with a blank expression, Potter's footsteps ringing in his ears so loudly he couldn't handle it, his mind raced back to when he was eleven and his father was the brightest figure of his life, how he told him all about the greatness Draco would achieve one day only if he would follow, so he did. following each of his footsteps becoming more and more like his father until he didn't know what is like to be himself.

A thought occurred in his mind, a question he'd always wanted to ask his father, but as he blindly followed him, he never could:

 

_ Father, are you happy?  _

 

And now Potter was leaving him behind too, he did not manage to follow in his footstep, there he is again, rejecting his hand, just like he did to little Draco when he was eleven. “I’ve been running away all my life!” Draco shouted at the top of his lungs, his voice breaking as the echo made Potter freeze at the end of the hallway “I'm not like you! Always facing your problems head on- fearless- with nothing in your way!”  His whole body was shaking together with his voice while Potter remained still at the end of the hallway “I'm.. I'm tired of running away…” he sobbed out a broken whisper loud enough in the acoustic hallway for Potter to hear, he reached out his shaking hand wrapping it around himself feeling his back sting from the creatures hurting him “I need you… please, I need your help! You said you would help me!” He begged, looking up at Potter but with no response, at last, Potter turned slightly to look at him, but Draco couldn't stop “don't I deserve a second chance? Why won't you let me try Potter?”  His gaze remained cold, raven hair falling over his eyes like a curtain, hiding what's really there “you don't deserve it.” He said at last, and then walked out closing the door with a loud bang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah.  
> Haha  
> Ha.  
> Pain, am I right?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do heroes become after finishing their task?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! This chapter is super important and I'm very proud of how it turned out, this whole chapter is Harry's POV, enjoy!

**farewell** **  
** **[fair-wel]**

**noun**

****  
**1.an expression of good wishes at parting** **  
** **2.leave-taking; departure**

 

Malfoy didn't come to breakfast.

Harry would find it somewhere in himself to feel bad, he really would if sitting next to Neville after all this time didn't feel so right, as if he's finally doing what he's supposed to after the war. They were seated at the end of the Gryffindor table together with Ginny and Luna who seemed to join them quite a lot, the girls chattered among themselves and Ginny blushed each time Luna leaned in to say something she read in the quibbler. They looked so adorable together it made Harry wonder whether they were dating or not, perhaps Hermione knew? He should ask her. 

“Aren't you supposed to sit at the Ravenclaw table?” Neville asked, his voice scolding while his eyes seemed amused, he'd been shooting Harry curious glances since yesterday, especially after he stormed into their dorm fuming from his fight with Malfoy, even though he asked him if he was doing okay Harry really didn't feel like talking so he just went straight to sleep instead. “Well” Luna sighed, her expression dreamy as she puts down her newspaper, which Harry just noticed was turned upside down “if Harry can go and sit over the Slytherin table all he wants, I thought I could too" a low blow. Harry flinched the moment it was mentioned, immediately avoiding Neville's gaze which felt heavy and burdening with it's presence. Just like the Solus, he thought, mentally slapping himself, there's no need to think about it anymore. 

“Well, he's not sitting there now is he?” Neville said, his eyes narrowing at him, Harry found his plate of food very interesting all of the sudden. “Yeah, what's with that?” Ginny joined in, pointing her fork at him “Hermione seems to sit there pretty often, Ron joins her and all, how come you're not with them now?” Her fork moved from him to point at the Slytherin table right on the other side of the great hall where his friends sat, the seat next to Pansy empty, the place where Malfoy usually sits. 

“Harry.” Neville said, his voice stern. “Did something happen?”  Harry could feel the sweat running down his forehead, and even worse he could feel Neville's eyes reading him. “of course something happened” Luna hummed with the airy voice of hers “if it didn't he'd sit on Draco's lap right now.” 

“What?!” Harry yelped, feeling his cheeks warm up “I wouldn't sit on his lap!!” He exclaimed, making his reaction as dramatic as he possibly could just to prove his point, Ginny just gave him a knowing stare. Neville sighed, the stern facade he was putting on just moments before washing away like water “it's because of what I said isn't it.”  Harry couldn't meet his eyes, somehow guilt overwhelming him even though he did the right thing this time, didn't he? “It's nothing buddy, he's just a bully it's not like we were that close-” but before he could finish his sentence, he felt a hard kick on his chair, letting out a very impressive screech for a young man, he turned around sharply “what the fu-” 

“What did you do.” The kick, turns out, belonged to Pansy, who stood behind him with her dark eyes screaming murder. Harry swallowed hard, moving aside a bit as he stuttered “w-what are you talking about?”  Only now he noticed that his best friends, Ron and Hermione were standing there too, their facial expressions disapproving “Harry, we all saw him leave dinner in your tail yesterday. Blaise said Draco returned crying.” Merlin, he made Malfoy cry? yeah he said some pretty lame stuff, but Malfoy did way worse didn't he? Harry tried hard to ignore the sting in his chest, he didn't care about Malfoy, at least he tried to believe so.

“So what? Malfoy is no longer a concern of mine.” Harry said stubbornly, feeling tense from all the people surrounding him, even though the great hall is as big as it gets, Harry felt like he was suffocating. “No longer a concern of yours?” Pansy stepped closer, Harry avoided her gaze just like he'd avoid fire, one look and you are gone for. The Slytherin girl gritted her teeth so hard her whole face paled, angry eyes glistening with tears “you said you would help him!!” She screamed like a little child not getting her candy, making Harry the impatient parent who just wished to go away, burdened by everyone's sudden concern about Malfoy. “And I did, he found a way to make them disappear, there's no need for me anymore.” Harry said, feeling Neville's gaze at him, somehow all of this attention takes him back to the days when Voldemort was still alive, everyone just clung into Harry, building their hopes up on a mere child saying that he is the chosen one, he will save them all.

But what if Harry didn't want to save them? What if he just wished to be a normal kid, having a normal childhood, he had finally escaped abuse entering a world full of  _ magic  _ for what? To never truly enjoy it? To always fear death, a little boy being terrified of a person whose name shall not be said, the one he'd never met yet still made him his mortal enemy, and Harry had been afraid, very afraid, but no one cared about that. No, Harry had a role to play, and he played it, he killed Voldemort, no more dark lord or death eaters, only the death and sorrow left after them, so why even after all that, Harry still can't be left alone? “But Harry-” Pansy sobbed, Hermione stepped in, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder “Harry you  _ have to _ save him!”  Her voice was desperate, hopeful, just like the witches and wizards calling his name many time before, Harry Potter, the boy who lived! Just like them, Pansy cared only about what's bothered her. “I don't have to do anything!!” Harry snapped, slamming his fist on the table making Hermione jump a little, Ginny looked at him with knowing eyes, he'd melt before them if he had any feelings left for her, but he didn't. Right now Harry was just angry- at everyone and everything. “What do you  want from me?” Harry stood up, now he was the one stepping closer to Pansy, who sobbed quietly as she watched him approaching “to save your friend? What if I don't want to? What if I'm tired of saving people?!” 

“Harry…” Ron reached out, Harry ignored him. “ i’m not the chosen one anymore, there's no reason for me to be, Voldemort is dead.” Pansy flinched at the name, her shoulders stiffening as she let out a broken cry “don't say his name... please..” he whispered, Harry let out a loud exhale, his chest rising and falling rapidly “I don't want to be anyone's savior, I just want to live quietly.. without anyone pushing their weight onto me, I have enough for myself.” And with that said, he turned around and stormed off, not ready for any of his friends scolding. Yes, he started doubting his motives during his chat with Neville, he had been unfair with Malfoy when he called him a death eater in the hallway, but all of them claiming that Harry has to save him- as if he doesn't have a choice, and Harry was tired of not making his own choices.

_ “I've been running away all my life”  _

He remembers Malfoy saying the moment he turned his back at him, well, if Malfoy had spent his life running away, Potter had no right to run away, for him it wasn't even an option. 

Perhaps that's why he escaped, his feet kicking the grass angrily as he walked, somehow he had ended up at the castle grounds, cold breeze sending shivers down his spine, this felt good, refreshing. He could feel his shoes get wet from the grass, a remaining moisture left from the morning rain, Harry didn't mind, breathing freely for the first time today, everyone just assumed that he threw Malfoy into the trash and felt nothing about it, but the truth is, Harry felt bad, so bad. but he didn't know what else to do, he snapped, doing the same thing he accused Malfoy of doing; running away. 

“Harry! Run!” A familiar voice woke him from his daze, realizing that he walked all the way to Hagrid’s hut Harry jerked to the side sharply as a blurry figure ran right past him “what the-” he exclaimed, reaching for his wand. “No don't hurt them!” The voice, Harry realized, had belonged to Hagrid, who ran in his direction with his curly hair letting out smoke,hm, that's unusual. Harry couldn't remember Hagrid’s hair doing such a thing before. Before he could properly greet his old friend, Harry heard rustling in the grass followed by a dark figure jumping right out of it “DODGE!!” Hagrid screeched, jumping to the side right after Harry fell on the grass covering his head feeling the mysterious shadow jump over him “what- what is this Hagrid?!” Harry exclaimed, reaching for his wand and rolling to the side, avoiding yet another attack “i-its a Venenares! Wonderful creature!  Well.. when it's not trying to melt your head off…” 

“Not trying to make my head what?!” Harry exclaimed, his existential crisis long forgotten as he literally tried to survive a what seemed like a deadly beast. “Melt your head off! Isn't  that fascinating? Their Venom is so powerful it could make a puddle out of ye in mere seconds!” Hagrid, being Hagrid, sounded way too cheerful considering the clearly life threatening situation, classic. “it's not the time-” Harry yelled, shouting a lucky protego charm as the creature spit on him, melting all of the green grass around him into a disgusting grassy slime “-to be fascinated!” He grunted, running up to the man “how do you catch it??”  The half giant hummed, his thick brows glued together in thought “they are very fragile creatures which should be handled with kindness.” 

“Hagrid, no offense, but I don't want to be kind to a creature who tried to murder me mere seconds ago.”

“Too bad.” The man answered, rubbing his beard “one of us needs to distract it so the other could jump and catch it from behind, their back is their blind spot, that's why they're so dangerous when afraid.”  seeing that Hagrid was much bigger in size and overall a big goofball, Harry knew that he would do the distracting, which leaves … Harry to actually risk his life (again) and catch the damn creature. “What do I do when I catch it?” Harry asked, wary of any movement he might notice in the grass. “You scratch it right on the nose, that's where's the venom comes from” 

“Great.” Harry said, yeah sure, just pet a dangerous creature right where it's most deadly, why not?  “The moment it feels safe, the nostrils will close and the creature will breathe through it's skin, be very careful though, don't harm it.” Harry nodded, even though harming the creature was the lowest place on his list of worries since his own actual health is in line, but whatever, keep the creature safe it is, not like Harry might  _ die  _ or anything, he already did that anyway.

“Okay…” Hagrid took a deep breath, Harry's grip on his wand tightened “are ya ready kid? On the count to three…” the half giant whispered, slowly getting on his feet, the moment he did so Harry noticed movement in the grass, already crawling on his way there. When Hagrid stood in his full height Harry finally got a look on the creature: it wasn't bigger than a cat, dark purple scales scattered all over it like fur, it had two large eyes, red and placed too close to each other right in the middle of it's head, of course placement like that would leave a blind spot, making such a small creature spit venom in fear of every sudden movement, it didn't have ears but two long whiskers instead moving in front of it's face and sensing the grass like hands, the creature itself acted like a blindfolded person reaching out for any stable thing for them to hold on to, to make them feel safe. Harry crept behind it slowly while Hagrid clapped his hands happily “ivy! Come here little girl.. it's okay now… shh..” as he made a step forward so called Ivy hissed spitting venom in every direction, Hagrid rose his hands defensively, stepping back “shh..shh… I just look scary, my beard is actually very fuzzy …” Harry came closer with steady but quiet steps keeping his head low on order to be ready to dodge any toxins being spit at him at any second, the moment he reached the creature however, he launched forward clasping his hand around it carefully lifting it off the ground, Ivy screeched moving her tiny legs in many directions just like a bug that had fallen over on its back, before the creature even tried to spit out venom, Harry shot his fingers towards its nose, scratching it gently. As he did so, the Venenares calmed down in his hands it's scaled softening and laying down on it's skin, Hagrid ran up to him with a wide smile on his face “good job kid! You've tamed the Venenares! Give it here” Harry passed Ivy into Hagrid's big hands who held the creature like a baby, placing it softly in arms while his giant finger caressed the creature’s head. Harry couldn't help but to smile in awe at the sight, a big dangerous looking man is actually the softest person in the world, caring about every life of every creature, even if it melts people.

“Thank you Harry” Hagrid said softly as he shushed the creature, rocking it to sleep. “I will go and put it back to it's cage, I had them stored for the next care of magical creatures lesson you see, I think that it would be cool to teach the kids about these wonderful living beings…” Harry nodded, not having the heart to tell him that children might not like dealing with a little venom spitting demon. “Wanna come help? I can brew you some tea.” Hagrid so kindly offered, Harry and his friends tend to visit Hagrid and have tea, it had been such a reassuring thing for them to do through the years, no matter how bad things had gotten, Hagrid always waited for them with a hot cup of tea and some rock cakes, Harry didn't notice how catching the creature actually made him forget about his problems for a little while, deciding that he doesn't want to be alone quite yet, Harry gladly accepted the offer, following Hagrid to the place where their usual care of magical creatures lessons had taken place.

 

When they reached their destination Hagrid bent down and placed Ivy in a big cage  putting it right next to a bundle of other Venenares who cuddled up together on a fluffy grass bed. “Woah” Harry said, kneeling down besides him and looking down at the sleeping creatures “there’s so many of them..”  Hagrid nodded, smiling softly “yes.. they like to be in packs, usually they are very peaceful creatures you see, but if you scare them… take them away from their pack and make them lose everything they know, they become a deadly beasts who would kill anyone who even tries to get closer to them, it's takes a lot of effort to earn their trust.” Harry’s eyes scanned the creature who now cuddled up between it's friends, hiding their scales just not to hurt each other. “How can you do this all the time? I mean… helping someone this much even though they might hurt you.. or run away..” Harry asked, a part of himself realizing that he wasn't really talking about the creatures. Hagrid's eyes looked at him with knowing warmth, he reached out a big hand and put it in the cage, a careful finger caressing Ivy “well.. it does get difficult sometimes but it's my job” The half giant said, Harry bit down on his lower lip “don't you get tired?” 

“Tired? Oh no” Hagrid flashed him a wide smile and then turned his gaze back to the cage “I think the trick is that I don't do it because I have to, but because  _ I want to _ … a bit cliche but it works.”  

_ Because I want to _

Harry repeated these words in his head, a heavy sigh leaving his body, when did he ever did something because he wanted to? When it wasn't his duty as the chosen one? Harry remembered one time: when he chose to come back to life, that was his choice, to finally rest or to return to a war, to fight against the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Hagrid was there, carrying his body through it all, the one who brought him to Hogwarts, and then back to life. “I… I don't know what to do Hagrid..” Harry said honestly, feeling like he could say anything to the man, he never expected from Harry anything than to be himself, not a warrior nor a hero, just Harry. “Is that a creature you can't tame?” Hagrid asked making Harry chuckle, comparing Malfoy to a creature sure was a suiting thing. “Yeah” Harry said, feeling his chest getting lighter “ a very annoying and confusing creature.” Hagrid hummed “I know a couple of those.” Both of them laughed now, Hagrid caressed a head of the Venenares “well, just like these guys.. you need to find the best approach.. most of the time the ones who are the most terrified, are the ones who need a bit more understanding to help them get through.” the creature rubbed against Hagrid's finger sleepily letting out a purr like sound as Hagrid continued “just look at those creatures, half an hour ago it almost melted me into a puddle, but give it a bit of patience...and it opens up to you”  just as he said that, a Venenares turned on it's back, letting Hagrid pet their belly. 

“sometimes… I doubt such a bad creature deserves any kindness.” Harry admitted, pushing his knees against his chest as he watched the cage, a sad sigh leaving him. Malfoy had done so much wrong through the years.. hurting everyone around him, becoming a death eater and in the same time not giving Harry away in the Malfoy manor, calling him an idiot as they passed notes during history of magic, everything about Malfoy is so confusing, so uncertain as if each and every time he changes shape, just like the Solus.  A warm hand landed on his shoulder giving him a tight squeeze “well,” Hagrid sighed, his eyes kind and understanding “I think everyone deserves a bit of kindness.” Harry met his gaze, feeling reassuring warmth spread all over him “what if I messed up?” 

“It's okay” Hagrid said, his voice soft and forgiving “we all mess up from time to time, you're just a kid Harry, and it's okay for you to make as many mistakes as you can… because you learn from them.” Harry felt his eyes throb, since when was he allowed to be just a kid? Everything he did always could put his friends in grave danger, he couldn't make any mistakes… he had so much on his shoulders

So much weight.

“Hagrid, I'm not a kid anymore, I'm 18” Harry sobbed, hating how ridiculous he must've looked. “Well, when will ever get to be a kid than now? Growing up is not a thing you do physically.. even though you did grow a bit taller since I brought you to privet drive as a baby” Hagrid winked at him, shoving a playful elbow at his shoulder  “you grow up only right here.” The half giant poked a gentle finger in his chest, making Harry move back a little, Hagrid's finger spread warmth over his chest. “Everything you are is stored right in your heart, and if it's still a child who beats in there, so be it. No one has the right to take your happiness from you.” Harry wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, he's so glad he has Hagrid to always be at his side

“Thank you, Hagrid”

“Any time kid.”

 

* * *

 

Malfoy of course didn't bother to show up at any lessons they had that day, because he's dramatic like that apparently. Harry was kind of grateful for that since he himself isn't quite ready to face Malfoy yet. His talk with Hagrid really helped Harry to gain direction, and the following lessons made him forget about all of his problems for a little while before he met his problems head on (because he can't catch a break, of course)  he went down the hallway in the west tower before he spotted a mop of platinum blonde hair which turned on his fight or flight instinct. Harry froze at his place, Malfoy was standing right in front of the entrance to the headmistress office, his eyes weren't puffy from crying like Harry would've expected but they looked tired, his usually pressed button up was all wrinkled up, perhaps it had something to do with the bundle of creatures holding into the poor fabric. Malfoy looked around himself as if checking if he was alone, stepping closer to the gryffin and whispering something, making it move and stairs appeared, Harry gasped, how did Malfoy know the password? Why would he go there? What is he plotting? A smart person would call a teacher especially since the culprit is a person who Harry called a death eater yesterday, a dumb person however, would go straight up to him and accuse him of dangerous deeds. Harry, not being famous for his smarts, did just that. 

“Malfoy!” He shouted walking towards the boy looking more confident than he felt, honestly Harry felt really shitty about yesterday, but Malfoy didn't need to know that. The boy turned to him his gray eyes wide before he even got a chance to say anything, Harry blocked his way into the headmistress office “are you trying to sneak in there?” He said, making sure to give Malfoy an extra glare, the Slytherin boy frowned “sneak in? Potter are you  mental?” 

“Yeah? Then why are you acting all shady? Hmm?” Harry folded his arms over his chest, looking closer at Malfoy now, he noticed how much paler he looked, his eyes cloudy from a sleepless night.  “What the fuck Potter. I didn't do anything.” Harry squinted his eyes at him, finishing the sentence for him “yet.” He pointed out, making Malfoy roll his eyes dramatically “Potter, I wasn't going to sneak into the headmistress office.”

“Of course you weren't. if you're not interested in serving detention of course.” a new voice said making both of the boys jump. Professor McGonagall was standing right on the stairs looking down on both of the teens her expression as stern as ever “p-professor” Harry stuttered feeling as if he was caught doing something dirty even though he knew for sure he is innocent, McGonagall always affected people like that, Harry still swallowed hard, Malfoy tensed up besides him “w-we will go then….” Harry was about to turn around only to be stopped by the headmistress “hold on mr.Potter.” She said, Harry  could see Malfoy smirk on the side of his eye “well, wasn't nice seeing you Potter.” he waved him a familiar sneer on his face, Harry was surprised to find out he didn't like how the sneer landed of Malfoy’s face, a smile suits him better. Harry shook his head, what a weird thought. Malfoy just turned on his wheel when McGonagall stopped him “you too mr.Malfoy.” the blond boy froze Harry could clearly see the irritation on his face but Malfoy still turned around, smiling sweetly even though his eyes were cold as ice “yes ma'am.” He mused, rolling his eyes the moment McGonagall turned around. “Come.” She barked, marking them to follow her into the office. 

“This is all your fault.” Malfoy hissed, shooting him the ugliest glare. “My fault?! How is this my fault?” Harry said, shoving Malfoy with his shoulder, the staircase to the office was so narrow both of the boys were practically glued together so shoving Malfoy hard into the wall had been very appealing. “If you didn't yell about me sneaking in we wouldn't be going there right now.”

“So you  _ were  _ sneaking in!” Harry gasped, feeling like his sixth year self is creeping back in trying to prove what Malfoy had been plotting. Malfoy was at his fifth eye roll by the time Harry said that piercing the boy with his ice cold glare “I was going to see Snape because some  _ jackass _ refused to help me.”  Harry felt his heart drop not only from the mention of his passed potions professor but also because he only now realized how angry Malfoy is at him. Which is to be expected, considering all the things Harry said, but having their usual bickering a moment ago made him completely forget about it.  “Snape? How- oh.. he has a portrait?” Malfoy huffed, Harry could practically hear the boy saying 'duh, you dumb prick’ even though he said nothing at all, just following the headmistress until they finally reached the office. 

McGonagall made her way through the room with her back to the teens “sit.” She commanded as she reached her chair, sitting down on it and watching both of them do the same, it's the first time Harry had visited this place after the war, not finding the well needed courage to admit that Dumbledore’s seat shan't remain his forever and will pass on the the next headmaster. He loves McGonagall, she's like family to him, but Harry  could never erase that night at the astronomy tower, when the man he thought he knew was murdered by the killing curse.

“Professor, I wasn't trying to sneak in.” Malfoy stated, being visibly uncomfortable in his seat “I know.” The woman nodded, gazing at them with knowing eyes “your loud bickering with Potter outside my office is not the reason why I brought you here, Mr.Malfoy.” she said and Malfoy’s cheeks dusted pink as he avoided her gaze looking down at his pale hands instead. “Then...why..?” Harry tried to hard to recall whether he's done something wrong in the past week besides like, causing Malfoy a mental breakdown. but he didn't do anything else, at least he hoped so. 

McGonagall was still staring at them folding her wrinkled yet delicate looking hands as her elbows leaned on the table “I know you had been troubled with the Solus Mr.Malfoy.”  both of them gasped, Malfoy’s hand grabbed into his own shoulder instinctively while the Solus hissed at it eyeing McGonagall suspiciously. “You can see them too?” Harry exclaimed, if she can see them.. maybe she could explain why Harry sees them too? Maybe she could help Malfoy now! 

“Unfortunately, I cannot.” The headmistress sighed, her stern expression softening and being replaced with deep concern, a look you would see on a worried mother, sad almost. “But I do know you see them Mr.Potter, and that you have found the journal”  Harry frowned, if she can't see them, how does she know? “I know it's confusing Potter.” McGonagall said as if she'd just read his mind “but I could clearly see by Malfoy's behavior that he has been bothered by something, a little bit of research and a list of missing potion ingredients from professor Slughorn connected all the dots for me.” Malfoy shot him a quick look, their eyes meeting for a mere second. Harry knew he had been thinking the same thing: that night when they snuck out to take some of the missing ingredients, they forgot to return them.  “Do not worry, I won't punish you for being out of dorms after curfew, and Mr.Slughorn hasn't been too angry about it, he's worried about you Draco.” Malfoy's shoulders tensed and he moved uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding her gaze. “I mean” McGonagall continued, an amused smile tugging on her lips “almost collapsing due to an imaginary stomach ache? I would say you are quite the actor, maybe you should consider the job after you graduate.” 

“Oh Lord.” Malfoy groaned, burying his face in his hands, Harry could see the tips of his ears turning bright red. Harry couldn't help but chuckle earning a death glare from a certain tomato boy. “Anyway. If I am guessing correctly, the potion hadn't worked, right?” McGonagall said, her expression turning serious again. The boys nodded even though the blush hadn't left Malfoy's face entirely yet “well, you found a way to make them vanish?” McGonagall was studying Malfoy, waiting for any movement or reaction, Malfoy bit his lower lip “we found out that uh… doing things that help me heal.. kind of.. facing my fears in a way” the headmistress hummed, leaning back into her chair “correct. Solus are created from negative emotions, if you can track what caused them, you can set them free.”  Set them free, just like the Solus bloomed during the Quidditch match, Malfoy had been set free from what was bothering him, facing the fact that his childhood is over and his actions have consequences, a freedom that is so difficult to achieve. 

“Well, I called you both here today to give you an another option.” Malfoy's head perked up, his storm gray eyes looking at McGonagall in bewilderment “there’s an another way?!”  Harry chewed on his inner cheek, something about the way McGonagall said it didn't feel right, as if the other way wasn't a thing they should look up to. “Yes.” McGonagall said, looking down at her hands “it's an easier way, a spell.”  Malfoy had looked more alive than he did in months, sitting right on the edge of his chair gripping onto the table like his life depends on it. “What- what is it professor?” Harry watched, seeing her expression turn sadder by the minute “if you can't revealio on one of the Solus, you'll get to see what caused it to appear from the beginning...but.” she took a shuddered breath, looking at Harry and then at Malfoy, whose excitement began to waver “at great cost.” She continued, he could see the how Malfoy's pale fingers twitched “the bearer will have to experience that moment all over again, causing the trauma to deepen, and creating a chance for the Solus to never disappear.” 

Malfoy visibly deflated, his hands which were tightly gripping the wooden table now fell on his sides. “I see..” he muttered, his voice barely higher than a whisper. “That's why I wanted you both in here, Harry you and Draco have an unbreakable bond, one so special that only you can see those creatures, if Draco decides to go down the more dangerous path and do cast the spell, he'll need you with him or else…” McGonagall looked at Malfoy who now stared blankly at the table “...he might fall apart.” She finished, her words being followed by a harsh silence.

 

* * *

 

 

Both of them stood next to the headmistress office, after McGonagall’s statement Malfoy had been silent, simply nodding at everything she said. Harry thanked her for the help and led both of them outside, leaving them standing there in silence. Malfoy didn't bother moving, his eyes pierced into the floor. Harry felt really uncomfortable, especially after everything he had said yesterday, he'd sworn he won't help Malfoy again and there he is, breaking his own promises.

_ “I think everyone deserves a bit of kindness.” _

These were Hagrid’s words to him, and looking at Malfoy now, so small and broken, Harry knew in his heart he had to help him, no, he  _ wanted to.  _ But could he ever do this right? Without hurting Neville, without forgetting all the wrong things Malfoy had done?

“Hey... Malfoy…” he said, deciding that apologizing may be a good start and he will figure it out from there, Harry was about to reach out his hand to comfort Malfoy, shifting his weight awkwardly from leg to leg at he talked “listen er .. I'm-”

“Potter.”  Malfoy didn't look at him, there wasn't anything violent or angry in the way he talked, he just sounds... calm. And that was way more terrifying in Harry's opinion.  “Could you.. come with me somewhere..?” He finally turned to face him, the bags under Malfoy's eyes had become way more defined, the Solus crawled on his back still, never letting the boy rest making him deal with horrible, unbearable weight.  “...sure..” Harry said, his voice quiet, matching Malfoy's. He felt like talking too loudly may scare him, make Malfoy spit venom at everyone approaching, Harry knew he had to approach carefully not wanting to hurt Malfoy more than he already did. Nodding, Malfoy had fallen into quick steps leading Harry through their well known halls. He didn't tell him where they were headed, and Harry didn't ask. letting their footsteps being the only sound to accompany their journey. Malfoy had his shoulders tense under the white button up he was wearing, and just walking from behind him Harry could see the way his muscles moved with every step. The Solus has gathered up at his shoulders moving slightly every time the boy moved his neck. Harry noticed that each time Malfoy did so he'd flinch a little, he assumed having Solus on your back would feel like a heavy backpack, straps digging into your skin with uncomfortable pain after a while of wearing it. Harry didn't dare to say a word the moment they had reached the fifth floor walking all the way to a blank wall, Harry's stomach flipped, he knew this place, if you desperately need something this wall would lead you to the room of requirement.

Harry looked at Malfoy, who stared at the blank wall with an unreadable expression. Did he bring Harry here to require something? It would make sense if only.. “the room of requirement was destroyed.” He said, surprised at how hoarse his voice is, as if every muscle in his throat had tried to stop him from saying it or Malfoy would break. Yes, they had been there when it happened, during the war Harry flew out into this very same corridor  with Malfoy clinging into his back leaving the room of requirement behind burning in flames. Malfoy had ignored his comment however, stepping forward and placing a shaky hand on the wall “I need to hide something.” He stated clearly, Harry knew that if you think hard enough a door would appear letting you in a giant warehouse where once Malfoy hid the vanishing cabinet letting death eaters into the castle. Just like Harry expected, the awaited door failed to appear. Waiting a few silent moments the Slytherin  boy let out a shaky breath, letting his head fall softly against the cold wall pressing on his forehead. “Please…” he whispered in a voice that made Harry hold in a cry “I want to say goodbye.” just as Malfoy said it, voice barely higher than a whisper, so quiet and painful as if every word leaving his mouth was a requiem. And the building heard him. Hogwarts, a place known for helping those who need it most answered Draco, with a loud creak straight lines appeared on the wall creating a shape of a door, Harry had to move back from all the small rocks falling on the ground but Malfoy did not waver, soon enough to have his forehead pressed against a pitch black door. 

Malfoy didn't have to push hard in order to open it, it just swept apart the moment Malfoy lifted his head off the dark wood, opening up to a heartbreaking sight. Harry coughed from all the ashes spilling out of the room, miles upon miles of pitch black remainers of what the room of requirement once was. “It still smells like a fire” Malfoy said quietly, Harry could clearly see how hard he was shaking, he'd stay frozen in his spot right there, gaping at the unusually empty room. Hundreds years of history, students who hid their darkest secrets in there, all burned down to ashes. But Malfoy stepped in, and Harry followed suit. “Not a sign” Malfoy said, not minding how his every footstep echoed through the empty room, how it rose down the ashes dirtying his always tidy shoes. “Not even a reminder… that he- that he died-” Malfoy couldn't finish the sentence, instead he curled into himself, clutching his shirt where his heart would be so tightly Harry feared he might tear it out. But he didn't need to finish what he was saying in order for him to understand, together with everyone's secrets, Vincent Crabbe, one of Malfoy's friends, lies forgotten, his mere existence burned to ash. 

After the war no one stepped into Hogwarts for many months, having it completely repaired for the new school year, and while all the dead is being remembered, buried right on the hill together with Dumbledore, all lying there together as they did many years at the school they died protecting, no one mourned Crabbe, or even mentioned his name, Harry couldn't even remember if he had a grave, a place for his friends to remember him besides this room where he died in. Harry looked at Draco's crunched figure, his whole body glued into the same spot while messy tears ran down his face, falling down on the black floor. If Malfoy died in this very room, Harry wondered, would someone cry for him too? Malfoy couldn't speak, whenever he tried, he just broke down more, Harry couldn't say or do anything, why did Malfoy bring him here? He has no right to see this, this other side of Malfoy, the one who lost a friend, just like all of them did. He never got to say goodbye, never even saw the body, yet his friend is gone. And this is the first time Malfoy had ever faced the truth, a truth that punched him right in the face. Harry couldn't bear to look at him, letting his eyes trail around the room instead, noticing something that wasn't there before. “Hey, Draco” he said softly, Malfoy's name feeling foreign on his tongue, he stepped towards him, placing a gentle hand on the boys shoulder, making him gasp a little. Malfoy met his eyes, which was a mistake, since they were red and puffy from tears, giving Malfoy's storm gray eyes more of a blue-ish color, his usually tidy hair has fallen over his eyes and his nose was leaking,his skin looked pale but still streamed the warmth of a living person,so much emotion shouldn't be in this dead room, he doesn't belong here, Harry thought, tearing his gaze from Malfoy's to look at the corner of the room “...look..” he said, Malfoy's eyes followed his, locking on an old piano that stood there, black and rusty, but still in tact. Harry smiled weakly “not everything got destroyed after all”   Malfoy's gaze lingered on that spot for a little while before he moved from Harry, letting his hand fall off his shoulder as he walked towards the instrument. Malfoy sniffed, wiping his nose with his arm, smearing everything over his shirt, Harry would be disgusted, but he wasn't, he just watched Malfoy instead. Who had ran his hand over the dark wood brushing the dust off it “my mother told me that a piano should never stand untouched..” he murmured, pushing two careful fingers under the lid before pulling it open, revealing two rows of keys, white ones that took a more creamy color over the use and the years, and black ones, slightly thinner that were safely tucked between them. Malfoy took a deep breath letting his finger press on a higher key softly filling the silent room with sound, he then let his other fingers stretch on the instrument, hitting random notes as if he's trying to recall a melody, hitting the same note a couple of times as a beginning of a combination altering the key each time he did so. Malfoy had his eyes closed now and his brows furrowed with concentration, he was listening, searching for a sound long lost as if he can  _ feel  _ the music beyond hearing it. His face relaxed when he found the melody, slow and soothing, three keys going up and down sounding like a family next to a pine tree, celebrating a lovely Christmas. Malfoy's other hand joined, meeting the melody with a lower tone, his fingers playing by muscle memory, hitting some of keys harder than others, Harry wondered it that hurt, hitting your thumbs so hard on a note, but Malfoy's long fingers looked free on the piano, caressing each note as if welcoming it back home. He moved his hand to the higher notes, his fingers dancing there before he took a deep breath: 

“ _ Hush your cries...close your eyes… stay..with me…” _  Malfoy was singing, his voice low and untrained, but it belongs there, right in that melody, and he wasn't standing in a burned out room anymore, but quite somewhere else, in a place warmer, safer than this. 

_ “Let's just dream… quietly.. of what might be..”  _  Harry found himself stepping closer, quiet and careful, the air did not smell like fire anymore, the sound replaced it, wrapping Harry safely in it's arms.

_ “calm your fear… I'll be near… to you… I'll cling..”  _

_ “Rest my friend… time can mend...many...things.”  _

His pale fingers trailed all the way up hitting the notes gradually, even the Solus found peace, not bothering Malfoy as long as he played the song, Harry wondered where had he learned it, playing the piano like that, more powerful than any spell or potion, a sound so sincere Harry could feel Malfoy's pain right through it.

“ _ I don't know the answers… tommorow’s still unknown… but I can make this promise..”  _  Draco inhaled, his voice breaking  _ “...you won't be alone…”  _

_ “I don't know where we should go..”  _  as Malfoy's voice echoed through the room one of the Solus jumped off his shoulder, it had way rounder features that the others did, having two long ears hanging off the sides of it's head, raven colored curly fur sticking out in many directions and so long it almost hid the piercing pair of snow white eyes staring at Malfoy, the creature stepped on the lid it's paws leaving marks on the dusty wood, it walked around in circles as if it can't find it's place, it's lost. 

_ “Just feeling farther from our goal..”  _

Malfoy ignored it, his eyes pressed shut as he played, the Solus leaned in, watching Malfoy's bruised hands at work and closed it's eyes, Harry held it a gasp as it's fur began cracking blue light shining through.

_ “I don't know.. what path we will be shown ..”  _ Malfoy slammed the keys harder, his face curling up in pain before he relaxed again, his fingers returning to it's soft rhythm

_ “But I know that when I'm with you i'm at home.”  _  The cracks grew bigger and the Solus leaped into the air, it's black fur completely shredding off revealing a sky blue creature which is so bright Harry had to raise his hand to block the light, the Solus really did look like a spirit now, many shades of blue swirling like waves, they come and go, just like sadness, but the blue never leaving, just being replaced by a new wave in the sea. It's previous flapping ears were floating like long hair underwater, as if gravity didn't affect them as long as they could keep their breath in the depths. 

_ “ Yes I know that when I'm with you I'm at home..”  _  Malfoy sang, his voice followed by a melody, the Solus gilded around him  it's head dabbing softly the the rhythm. For a moment Harry was sure he heard the creature humming to the music just before it flew right through Malfoy's chest exploding at his back like a blast of color sparkly blue dust falling on the ground slowly, and as Malfoy played his finishing notes, Harry was sure he saw blue dust get picked up by the wind together with the ashes, creating a silhouette of a boy who stood behind Malfoy for a mere moment, nodding as if saying goodbye to an old friend, the boy then met his eyes, Malfoy's long thin fingers played gently and the boy vanished the moment Draco hit the last note, followed by soothing silence.

And that's how he went, pained screams and burning fire, a burden in his heart that will forever be remembered, that's how he left, Vincent Crabbe, accompanied by a friend and a beautiful song.

  
  
  
__   
_ Hush your cries, close your eyes, _ __   
_ Stay with me _ __   
_ Let's just dream _ __   
_ Quietly _ __   
_ Of what might be _ __   
__   
_ Calm your fear _ __   
_ I'll be near _ __   
_ To you I'll cling _ __   
_ Rest my friend _ __   
_ Time can mend _ __   
_ Many things _ __   
__   
_ I don't know the answers _ __   
_ Tomorrow's still unknown _ __   
_ But I can make this promise  _ __   
_ You won't be alone _ __   
__   
_ I don't know  _ __   
_ Where we should go _ __   
_ Just feeling farther from our goal _ __   
_ I don't know _ __   
_ What path we will be shown _ __   
_ But I know that when I'm with you I'm at home _ __   
__   
_ Yes, I know that when I'm with you I'm at home _ __   
__   
_ There's a quiet place _ __   
_ In my embrace _ __   
_ A haven of safety where _ __   
_ I'll dry your tears _ __   
_ Shelter here _ __   
_ In my care _ __   
__   
_ But even when we stumble  _ __   
_ And someday when we fall _ __   
_ What I will remember _ __   
_ That I had you through it all _ __   
__   
_ I don't know _ __   
_ Where we should go _ __   
_ Just feeling farther from our goal _ __   
_ I don't know _ __   
_ What path we will be shown _ __   
_ But I know that when I'm with you I'm at home _ __   
__   
_ Yes, I know that when I'm with you I'm at home _ __   
_   
_ __ Yes, I know that when I'm with you I'm at home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had always headcannoned that Draco can play the piano, it only suits him right??? The song used is a song called "Home" from the RWBY soundtrack, it's super beautiful and the moment I heard it I imagined this scene, here's a link if you want to hear it! 
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POoeN5v2U6Y&feature=share


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps each friendship should start with a splash of water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually supposed to have way more scenes in it and while writing I suddenly noticed that I passed my 6k mark by 2000 words!! So I decided it's better if I'd divide this chapter and put all the other scenes in the next one, I have officially started my last year of high school?! Hope I won't be too busy and continue uploading as quickly as I can. Also the wordcount is around 60k now?? Which is absolutely insane!! Thank you so much for keeping in touch and reading this fic, it's super dear to my heart! <3  
> This is a softer one, it was hard to write after the piano scene since I'm so proud of that one, hope I won't disappoint!!!  
> Enjoy the chapter and please comment your thoughts it makes me so happy!

**trust** **  
** **noun  \ ˈtrəst**

 

**1: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something**

**2: one in which confidence is placed** **  
** **3: dependence on something future or contingent : hope**

 

“I didn't know you could play the piano.” Harry said, after the Solus disappeared Malfoy had no intention of staying in the burned room. He let his fingers linger on the milky colored keys for mere seconds before stroding off with a quick pace, and in a loss of what to do, Harry followed. They ended up seated on the green grass right by the dark lake, Malfoy being curled up to himself, his head hanging between his knees with a few platinum blonde strands falling on top of his face. Malfoy just shrugged, his shoulders quirking up as he did so. “My mother taught me how to play when I was little” he admitted, the air was still tense between them, Harry had no idea why Malfoy wanted him, of all people, to be the one to see him in such a vulnerable state. Harry didn't deserve it, not to hear Malfoy playing nor to see how Crabbe had shown him his farewell, he never had the right to see how beautiful to Solus were when they bloomed, not after all he said.

“This song…” Malfoy continued, lifting his chin just enough so it would rest on his knee, gray eyes mirroring the dark waters, the sky had already turned pink having the lake reflect today's last rays of sunshine. “It's a lullaby she used to sing to me… in order to calm me down after a nightmare.” Honestly Harry would never imagine that Draco Malfoy, a man raised by two rich wizards would ever have nightmares nor a single worry in his life. He didn't sleep in a cupboard under the stairs, growing up in great halls and marble floors instead, never had Malfoy known hunger or cold, his parents were alive and well, the Dark Lord didn't kill them by the mere age of 21, not ever getting the chance to send their son off to Hogwarts, a school both of them grew up and fell in love in. But after seeing Malfoy fall apart in the room of requirement like that, Harry knew for sure that even when you have money and breathing parents, nightmares will hunt you down as well.  Harry picked on a handful of grass, finding that he didn't quite know what to do with himself, so he plucked a bunch out, watching as numerous bugs scattered away from the rude invader of their grass home. “Why did you choose to sing it now?” Harry found himself asking, not daring to look up at the blond. “a funny thing isn't it?” Malfoy let out a humourless laugh “she sang it to me after calming down my father, and just when the screaming downstairs settled, she would come and soothe me with a hoarse voice.” Harry didn't say anything, he felt like he had no place in Malfoy's story, so he let him talk.

“I thought that- that it would soothe him too..” Malfoy's voice turned quieter, and Harry needed no explanation to know who he was talking about. Vincent Crabbe had died in horrible flames, his screams still visiting him in his dreams, Harry was the one to fly Malfoy out of that place, only to follow him back inside a year later.

“Why did you let me come?” Harry asked, meeting Malfoy's eyes for the first time after they left, the blond boy looked clouded, as if he'd debating whether he should tell him about his reasons or not, it seems like he decided on the positive, since he answered; “I couldn't go back there alone, I tried..” Malfoy choked up, taking a shaky breath before continuing “I… I felt like you'd understand, since you were the one to save me and all… seemed appropriate.” Harry hummed, dropping his gaze at his now dirty hands. “I know you said you wouldn't help me anymore, sorry for dragging you into this again.” Malfoy said, making Harry look back at him “no! no.. don't apologise… I should be the one doing so, it's just-” just what? It just him not bothering to deal with his problems properly since it always worked out in the end? Honestly, Harry didn't know, and that only made him feel more guilty. “I'm truly sorry Malfoy” he tried desperately, remembering his decision to try again, not because he had to, but since he himself wished to do so. Draco looked at him for a long while before he reached for his back and grabbed a feisty Solus which screeched in his hands, and before Harry could form a question, he had been hit by a fur ball that felt like a fucking _bludger,_ Harry fell back with a loud yelp, groaning audibly from pain as his head hit the ground, only now realizing that Draco Malfoy had thrown a _Solus_ right into his face.

“You are a fucking menace!” He heard Malfoy shout at his side before he grunted in pain again, feeling an another creature being thrown at his stomach “Mal’phoy- shtop!!” Harry whined, scrambling his hands to try and lift up the Solus off his face, he felt his pulse queaken as he failed to breathe, his head buzzing from the pain of the fall.

“Sorry?! You're sorry?!” Malfoy screamed, pushing more and more creatures onto Harry's frame until the boy couldn't feel his limbs anymore, being crushed up by hideous weight. “Merlin!! I hope you suffocate!!”  And to Malfoy's delight (probably) Harry definitely was, in fact, suffocating.

_God I can't believe I died and came back to life only to be killed off by an emotional Draco Malfoy._  Harry thought while coughing violently, feeling his lungs clench in pain, well fuck, he really is going to die.

To his relief, Malfoy had enough mercy stored in him to lift off the creature just in time when Harry started seeing white, he gasped loudly taking a deep breath as if he'd just been underwater. Malfoy had been glaring at him with glossy eyes, one Solus held tightly between his hands while his chest rose and fell quickly, Harry could hear every quick breath the blond boy takes, perhaps because he's practically wheezing air in and out of his lungs, or because he nearly got fucking _murdered._

Malfoy let out a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of his nose  “honest to god Potter I want to bloody _slaughter_ you.”

“Well, you almost did.” Harry mused, his voice hoarse only to squeak like a little girl when Malfoy lifted the Solus in an aggressive manner, kindly reminding him that he could go back to choking him at any moment. “I'm sorry I'm sorry please don't kill me!” Harry sobbed “I didn't die for this!!” Malfoy rolled his eyes dramatically, dropping the Solus into his lap. “You should've just stayed dead. Would make my life a whole lot easier.” and for a mere second, Harry agreed with him.

“I can't believe you almost killed me with a Solus.”

“I can't believe you're such a prick”

“Fair point.”

Harry stared at the darkening sky, mostly because it's the only thing he could do while being pinned down to the ground by a bunch of heavy (and deadly) creatures. “I really am sorry, Draco” Harry said in a tone that  he could describe as no other than kissup, desperate for Malfoy to forgive him and also release him from all of this damn weight. “Sod off Potter, don't go using my name now.” Malfoy huffed, folding his arms over his chest, clearly sulking. “You didn't mind it in the room of requirement.” Harry stated matter of factly, tensing up as Malfoy shot him a quick glare, already taking a deep breath to prepare himself for suffocation Harry was rather surprised when Malfoy just softened up, his eyes darting back to the water “it was different..” he muttered, his voice so quiet Harry barely heard it. He didn't say anything after that, his words leaving a void for uncomfortable silence. Harry sighed, really wishing Draco would scold him more, heck, even shove a Solus up his face again, anything to replace this quiet, shattered Malfoy.

Getting tired of the silence, Harry broke it; “are you going to use the spell?” He asked, his mind drifting back to their earlier conversation with McGonagall, a part of him truly wishing Malfoy would never come around to actually _use_ this method, it's just too cruel. Experiencing your trauma all over again only for a slight chance for the Solus to disappear, Harry would rather carry that weight for the rest of his life than to try and get rid of them in that way. “Revelio? No.” Malfoy shook his head, his broken expression turning serious. “The moment I heard her say it I decided I will never try to cast it on them.” he shot the Solus on Harry's body a quick glance, his hands clenched into tight fists. “ _Never._ Even if it means I'd have to find all the reasons for them appearing alone, I already made two of them bloom anyway.” He felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach, knowing that Malfoy feels so desperate only because he claimed to abandon him, telling him that Malfoy didn't need his help anymore, Harry regretted these words, he really did, even though he wasn't entirely wrong either.

“I talked to Neville you know..that's what made me blow off on you.. er- if you've been wondering.” Harry muttered awkwardly, grateful that he's glued onto the ground for once, it held him down from running away from his problems, which worked. For a long while Malfoy didn't say anything, his gaze glued to the now pitch black water, they didn't notice how long they've been in the room of requirement and if Harry would've guessed, they've been sitting near the lake for quite a while too so it's no surprise stars had scattered across the sky like sprinkles on frosting, leaving them alone with the soft moonlight and the sounds of the night. When Malfoy finally spoke however, his tone was no longer angry; “What’s magic to you Potter?” Harry said nothing, just gaping at the blond boy besides him. What kind of question is that? Magic is everything and everyone, filling the world with so many wonderful things, filling Harry's miserable life with so much color and happiness, without Magic Harry would still be with the Dursleys, or even worse, thrown away to the streets. Magic is _freedom,_ a wonderful thing which he was lucky enough to experience in his life. “Everything.” He answered, green eyes meeting gray. Malfoy just sighed, his tired expression is now colored with a bit of sadness. “A wonderful thing huh?” Of course it's wonderful! Harry wanted to say, how dare Malfoy even question such a thing, magic is great, just sometimes it falls in the hands of a bad person, but that does not make magic itself bad, magic is never cruel nor violent, at least it's not supposed to be. “For me,” Malfoy continued, finally breaking eye contact “magic is a set of rules which can never be broken.” He lifted both of his hands as if he's holding a wand, practicing movement which reminded  Harry of an orchestrate. He closed his eyes, pale eyebrows furrowed in concentration, each movement of his hand was well trained, as if he's done that many times before. “Not a move out of place-” Malfoy continued to move his hands as he spoke, moving his hands so persistly you'd think he'd been cursed to to that. “Hold your hand not too high, but not too low, grip your wand tight, say the spell correctly, each latin word as if you're fluent in the language, never mumble, never waver, don't hesitate and if you do-” Malfoy dropped his hands, and only now Harry noticed that they were shaking, Harry's eyes widened, realization suddenly hit him.

“When you're a pureblood, you have no right to enjoy magic” Malfoy continued, and more than anything Harry wished to get back up again, _don't, don't say it._ He thought, but Malfoy could not hear his pleas, they were all in his head after all.  “You always have to be pure, dirty your magic with forbidden spells but not failure, no, failure is unacceptable.”

“So my father taught me not to fail.” Malfoy said, flinching at his own words. “He taught me to sit tight, and master my spells, to perfect my movements, because Malfoys are allowed nothing but perfection.” A memory flashed in front of his eyes, how he's seen Malfoy and his father at the beginning of his second year at Hogwarts, how tense little Draco was around his own father, it all made sense, all fell together and yet, Harry couldn't bear admitting the truth.

“He hit you.” Harry said, and Malfoy let out a chuckle, though no humor slipped between his lips.

“He taught me, in the only was he saw acceptable.” Malfoy said, his voice bitter. But that makes no sense, ever since they were little Draco always bragged about how great his father was, Lucius Malfoy, a great wizard in Malfoy's eyes, the one who bought him the newest brooms and the best robes, a man so dark yet his only son still admired him, no abused person would ever brag about their abuser, right?

“And you know what's the worst part?”  Malfoy turned to him, his expression so pained Harry himself felt like crying “I thought I deserved it. I thought that that's how it's supposed to be!” His voice broke, reminding Harry more of a hiss than a whisper, one you'd hear from a frightened kitten displaying it's last way of defense in front of a predator.  “I mean- I mean… he gave me all I ever wanted, he bought me all the toys and sent me candy with each Hogwarts letter, he loved me Potter, did he not?” Harry thought he did, each time he'd see Malfoy from across the hall, receiving numerous gifts from his parents on the daily, you'd assume he's nothing but a spoiled child, everyone wished to be loved by their parents like that, but was he truly loved? Harry couldn't say for sure. The Dursleys hated his guts, therefore they abused him, locked him in a cupboard under the stairs, but Malfoy was different, never locked up nor starved, but abused nonetheless. “I.. I don't know..” Harry sighed, did Malfoy really expect an answer? From an orphan no less, but unlike Malfoy, Harry knew his parents loved him, they died protecting him, and while they are still alive, Malfoy never knew if what he received from his parents was true love. “I thought he did.” Malfoy admitted “I was so inspired by him! Ever since I was little I've been told that one day I'll grow up to be a great man like my father, and as his heir, that's all I wished to be… but now? He's locked up in Azkaban for choosing the wrong side in not one but two wars! What a great man he was my ass! now he'll rot there for the rest of his life, and perhaps, if the ministry will feel adventurous, me and my mother will join him soon.”  Harry pushed the Solus off him with great effort, just enough for them to scramble up in his lap, he sat up clumsily, determined to leave them there, not letting their weight return to Malfoy yet.

“Your mother loves you.” Harry said at last, remembering how the woman defined Voldemort, lying right to his face for a mere chance to see her son, While Lucius risked his whole family for power, Narcissa Malfoy was ready to lose everything in order to keep her family safe. Draco softened at that, his shoulders relaxing slightly “I know..” he mumbled, pushing his knees tighter onto his chest, perhaps thinking about his mother alone in muggle London, well, at least that's what Hermione had told him after reading the prophet one day, telling him something about the Malfoy manor being taken away when Lucius was arrested. Harry wondered how the boy felt about that, but this wasn't his question to ask.

“I.. I know all of this sounds like an excuse.. I mean..” Malfoy bit his lower lip, thinking over his next words “but this could explain what I did to Longbottom and Hermione...at least a little…”  and it did, even though his bullying could never be justified, Malfoy is trying, and for the first time Harry could see it. “I know I don't deserve any more of your help Potter, but thank you for coming for the room of requirement with me” and with that he stood up, brushing grass off himself, the pale moonlight made his skin glow with a tint of blue “I should go, it's way after curfew.” Malfoy said and turned on his heel, and as he did so all the Solus leaped out of Harry's lap in order to run after their master, slowing him down as their claws dug into his pants. “M-malfoy wait!” Harry collected himself quickly hopping on his feet running right after Malfoy almost stumbling into the dark water, after he caught himself he reached out a hand at Malfoy, looking at him with pleading eyes. The boy rose a pale eyebrow in his direction, his eyes glistening with question while the Solus climbed up his torso back to their usual place at his back.

“I really am sorry Draco.”

“Do you want me to throw an another Solus at you?”

“I'd rather not, but I thought maybe…” he stretched out his hand more, Malfoy's eyes flickering between his hand and his face, Harry coughed awkwardly “maybe you'd want to be my friend?”  it looked like all the blood left Malfoy's face as he paled, his eyes wide. He said nothing, just looked at Harry's hand as if it was some kind of alien, Harry moved it a bit closer to him, because it was extremely awkward and also uncomfortable to be left hanging like that, for a second he wondered if Malfoy did that to repay him for the hand he hadn't accepted himself in their first year, he really hoped Malfoy's not that petty. Honestly he didn't knew what urged him to be Malfoy's friend all of the sudden, but also it felt weird if they weren't friends? Especially after all the shenanigans they went through while researching the Solus, even Hermione made up with Pansy, so why can't Harry do the same?

After a long minute of clearly debating whether he should take his hand or not, Malfoy reached out, shaking their hands a bit awkwardly, Harry sighed with relief “that's great! Now we could- er, Malfoy?” Harry tried to take his hand back, only to realize that Malfoy has tightened his grip around it, not letting him go “um… I would really like my hand back?” He chuckled nervously, Malfoy no longer looked confused, his expression turning into a glare “uh… Mal-ah!” Harry couldn't finish his sentence suddenly feeling his body jerk forward with a pull from Malfoy's side, and before he knew it, he was falling face down into the water.

Splash!

He had been hit with a sudden cold all the air jumping out of his lungs from the surprise, it wasn't even that deep, even worse, even through his closed eyes Harry knew his forehead hit the soft ground underwater, putting his hands if front of his chest Harry pushed himself up gasping loudly. His vision was blurry, shit, his glasses must've slid off him in the water, he blindly moved his hands in the water searching for the well known circular frames, when he found them, he dragged them out of the water right on his nose. After taking a few quick breaths analyzing what hell had just happened, Harry jerked his face in Malfoy's direction “what the fuck?!” He exclaimed, trying to get on his feet only to fall back down into the cold water with a loud splash. Malfoy had the _nerve_  to laugh, stepping down the shore he just oh so kindly pushed Harry off, ruining his hopes- his trust!  

“Don't look so pissed Potter, you looked so tense I had to _cool you down_ somehow” he rolled his eyes dramatically but the eyes looking back at Harry were amused, which is much better than their heartbroken version, didn't change the fact that Harry was fuming though.  “So you just abused my trust like that?! Throwing me into the black lake?!”

Now Malfoy was laughing, a full, heartfelt laugh “woah, you trust me? Isn't that too quick for you arch nemesis?” He teased, Harry let out an exasperated huff, so Malfoy didn't accept his offer, geez, what a way to reject someone, guess he's still bitter about being rejected in his first year. Malfoy groaned, offering a hand “quit moaning Potter, didn't you ever get pranked? That's what friends do” Harry looked up so quickly his vision blurred for a second, now he stared at the hand Malfoy was offering, a smirk tugging on his lips “and you're calling me a menace?” He reached up, his cold hand taking a warmer one, water dripping down his skin. Harry's smirk widened, Draco Malfoy is a fool.

He tightened his grip around his hand

 

“Aren't you too quick to trust me for a Slytherin?”

 

Splash!

 

* * *

 

“I can't believe you've done this!” Draco exclaimed as they walked through the fields on their way back to the castle, both of them soaking wet. “You got what you deserve.” Potter mused, his horrible mop of a hair still dripping so hard you could wash a whole corridor with it. “I offered you a hand!! To help you get up!! Ugh!!” He kicked the grass like a child, hating each time even the slightest breeze made him shiver, being cold is horrible, being wet is worse. He wrapped his hands over himself, holding his hands under his armpits “that's so fucking childish of you.” He muttered through gritted teeth, Potter groaned “you started it!”

“You deserved it!!”

“And you didn't?!”

“Clearly I did not.” Draco stated, sneering when Potter pulled his tongue out on him. Yes, seeing Harry Potter splashing disoriented in the black lake had been quite a sight, one he might imprint in his memory and tell his grandchildren, how he tricked the all mighty Harry Potter, the chosen one, to fall face down right into the black lake, letting out the most girly scream as he did so. You know, for pettiness sake. What he won't tell his grandchildren however, is how he himself fell to the very same trick, leaving him all wet and uncomfortable, his shoes squeaking with every step he takes.

Merlin what a day. He had a breakdown, missed a bunch of lessons as he stayed in his room sleeping out all the crying he did yesterday, thinking whether he wants to strangle Potter or himself, (in the end he did strangle him, ah, the sweet, sweet taste of revenge.) Then that talk with McGonagall gave him so much hope before it all crashed and burned. What's the point of telling someone the solution if they can't use it? Deep inside he knew that McGonagall suggested using the spell as a last resort, a second option not many are given in life, and as kind as the headmistress is, Draco could never use her offer. It's just too much, experiencing the things that created the Solus once again, he doesn't even know what kind of things cause them, and after two Solus blooming; one during a quidditch game and the other in a room where one of his friends died, he honestly didn't want to know.

Even visiting the room of requirement again was surreal, he couldn't go near there through the whole year but only now, with Potter by his side, he felt like he got the courage, which is totally stupid, since Potter was angry at him at the moment and yet he still followed him there, even comforted him for fucks sake.

His eyes drifted to the boy walking next to him, Potter had removed his tie, twisting it in his hands to get some water out, what a muggle thing to do, he could simply use a spell for that yet he didn't. As a drop of water slid down his nape, making him shiver, Draco knew he was as stupid as Potter was, for not drying himself that is. But something about walking together at night, completely soaked up like total idiots was surprisingly magical in his opinion, so special he'd stay wet and shivering as long as it means he won't ruin it.

When they finally reached the castle there was no need for a clock to tell them it's way past curfew, they walked quietly through the silent hallways, dim candle light stretching over the stone floors making the boys look way taller than they actually are, none of them talked just walking together in comfortable silence, it's exciting, mischievous even. If someone saw them they'd assume they went for a night swim, sneaking out of the castle to dip into the dark lake, perhaps they should do that for real some time, with them being friends now and all.

_Friends._ Right, he and Potter are now friends, he would be embarrassed to admit how happy this actually made him, he had to throw Potter into the lake just so his stomach would stop fluttering.

Their little walk came to a stop when both of them simultaneously turned to opposite directions towards their dorms, Draco was about to go down the stairs to the dungeons when he noticed, turning back to Potter awkwardly. “Er… that's where I go…” he pointed down the stairs and Potter nodded, shrugging “yeah, I have to continue through that hallway to reach my tower.” For a mere second them just being together felt so natural, Draco completely forgot their house differences, and the fact that they live in two different sides of the castle. “Well, good night” he said, not really knowing what to do when your rival suddenly becomes your friend, do you hug? Shake hands? He and Pansy usually hug when they part, would Potter find it weird? While Draco had his daily existential crisis Potter already turned on his wheel, waving “good night”  Harry said, Draco just nodded, biting his tongue so he won't wish him good night again. He lingered for a little while though, watching Potter's back as he descended, a part of him wanted to sigh, he didn't know why, and just as he was about to go down the staircase he noticed it.

A long shadow creeping from the corner, exactly where Potter need to turn to in order to get to the Gryffindor tower. His heart skipped a beat, and without thinking he leaped forward grabbing Potter by the arm and pulling him down the staircase. “Malfoy what the fu-” Potter yelped, being interrupted by Draco's hand clasping over his mouth, Draco shushed him, putting a singular finger in front of his lips, mouthing “Filch” to a round brilliant green pair of eyes, which then narrowed flickering back to the hallway where footsteps could be heard now. “What's this? Someone has been walking around here Mrs.Norris!” Filch’s annoying voice echoed through the halls, if Draco didn't stop him Potter would have to serve a pretty nasty detention.  “Someone's out after curfew!! And the steps are leading to…?” They could hear his steps getting closer, but Draco had no interest sticking around for him to find them, fiddling in his pants single handedly he searched for his wand, whispering a silencing charm on both of them before tearing off the wall and pulling Potter down the stairs right into the dungeons.

“Wait- Malfoy what are you doing?!” Potter whined, applying no force to actually resist him. “Taking you to my common room” Draco said simply, not having the patience to deal with his whining when Potter stopped sharply,  almost making Draco trip over his own feet.

“YOU'RE WHAT?!” The idiot screeched, and Draco was glad he thought about putting silencing charms over them before going with Potter _anywhere._ He rolled his eyes, frustrated at the fact that he's so close to his warm bed yet he's still here, wet cold and extremely uncomfortable. “To my dorminto- oh Merlin" only now he realized how weird that sounds, oh God he's such an idiot. “I- er- “ he mumbled, feeling his cheeks warm up in front of Potter, who still stood there, his mouth agape. “Jesus I didn't mean this in a weird way! Don't make this weird Potter!!” Draco snapped, stomping his feet hard on the stone floor in frustration.  “I'm making this weird?? I was walking to the Gryffindor tower peacefully until _you_ suddenly grabbed me and pushed me against the wall!!”

“Filch was there!! I saved your ass!!”

“My ass could've saved itself!!”

Draco rubbed at his temple, wondering how Granger managed to spend 7 years with this walking headache.  “Look Potter it's not like I'm going to fuck you there, don't be so fucking dramatic.” He wanted to slap him, and then himself, and also cut his tongue off for saying such a _stupid thing_ . Potter's eyes widened before narrowing again, his brows curled into a frown. “I'm not dramatic, also, who said I'd let you top me?”  Draco felt like slamming his head into a wall,his cheeks definitely red now. “I can't believe we're having this conversation!” he said, and Potter had the _nerve_ to roll his eyes, recalling Draco's words mockingly. “You know what? Never mind. You can stay here in your wet clothes, freeze to death for what I care! Maybe Filch will come around and give you a blanked, I'm going to _my_  common room, which is warm and cozy, not like this damn hallway!” Draco spat at him, exasperated to the core. Shooting Potter an extremely ugly sneer he turned around walking to the Slytherin common room with quick steps, Potter just stood there, gaping at him for a second before calling out; “Malfoy! Wait! I changed my mind I'm pretty cold!” Draco ignored him and continued walking. Potter followed him looking like an abandoned puppy, whining like an actual kid. “Oh come on! Draco please~”  he scooted closer, reaching for his hand which Malfoy moved out of his reach swiftly. “Don't call me Draco.” He growled, but Potter, being the annoying Gryffindor he is, didn't waver.

“Dude- ew no. Drake? Drakkie? My buddy? My man?”

“Okay okay fine!” Draco stopped, turning to face the idiot, who actually _grinned._ Lord have mercy, haven't he suffered enough? “Stop. Just stop.” He begged, Potter quirked a single eyebrow. “You sure dude?I thought Drake suited you pretty well.”

“Do not. Call me Drake. Ever.again.”  Draco said, jabbing a finger at his chest. Doing his best to show Potter how pissed he actually is. “Then how am I going to call you?” Potter pouted, Draco wished earth would open up and eat him.

“Draco is fine, for fucks sake Potter.”

Satisfied with his victory, Potter kept nagging him during their whole way to the Slytherin common room, stopping only when Draco had murmured “a new page” before entering, sighing with relief as the warmth of the dim fire welcomed him there, everything about his common room was so calming, feeling more like a home to him than the new shitty apartment they got in London, heck, even more than the manor. Potter clearly didn't agree with him however, freezing the moment he stepped into the room. “Um… is it really okay for me to come in?” He mumbled, all his teasing from earlier evaporating. Draco was already about to step into his dormitory, waving him to follow. “Of course, don't you Gryffindors bring friends from other houses over?” On his third step on the staircase Potter let out a whimper behind him, quiet steps following him up to his room. “And where will I sleep?”  A reasonable question for once, Draco might as well call himself impressed. “Don't worry about that, not many eight years returned to finish school, also, as you may have guessed, one of my roommates is dead so there's always a free bed.” He pulled the door open, entering a well known room: four beds scattered across a wide room with a round window in the middle, it could never be opened, but it does show a great view of the dark lake, during his first year Draco was surprised their room had any sunlight at all, but then Snape explained him how the founder charmed every window to let through as much lighting and sound as any normal window would, just so Slytherins won't feel any different than they already are. So now the soft moonlight crept through the glass, lighting up the otherwise dark room, with only one candle on Draco's nightstand, perhaps Blaise’s doing. Usually two only two beds are occupied, Blaise and his, but seems like his friend is out for the night, he did have a thing going with some Hufflepuff. “Well, that's my room” he said, walking straight to his trunk, already searching for some change of clothes. “W-where are your roommates?” Potter asked, looking around curiously yet not leaving the doorstep. “Well,  as I said, one is dead” he waved at the left side of the room while his other hand still dug through his clothes. “Goyle is in Azkaban, Blaise seems to be out, he does that often, so it's just us here.” Finding what he was searching for, he pulled out a green sweater which should fit Potter just right, together with a pair of ivory pajama pants that were short on him. “Here” Draco said, tossing Potter the clothes. Being a fairly talented seeker, Potter caught them easily, glaring down at the fabric as if it's cursed.

“Why all of your clothes are green?” He asked, looking at his sweater suspiciously. Draco just gaped at him, giving him a few minutes so the question would sink in, especially when he's in the Slytherin common room which is (surprise!) Mostly green, before he snarled “why all of your questions stupid?” And pulled his pajamas from under his pillow, suddenly feeling very self conscious. When he originally invited Potter over, he didn't think they would be alone, he also didn't think through the fact that they will have to change in front of each other, he was about to ask Potter if he wants him to leave to for a couple of minutes before getting a flash of bright red boxers, with _colorful golden snitches_ no less, he quickly turned back, looking down at his pillow like his life depended on it. Harry Potter, the savior of the wizarding world and also a famous prick, is changing right here, in his room.  Draco shouldn't panic as much as he does, they're both boys, nothing new here. He doesn't bat an eyelash when Blaise changes here, but when it's Potter suddenly his face just _has_ to heat up and his heart has to beat so fast he might as well be having a heart attack and currently dying. Of course Potter always has to be different, as if he's not so brilliant and important as he is, Draco's poor, poor heart might not withstand an another glance in his direction, so he didn't, stubbornly pushing down his own pants instead thinking about anything besides Harry Potter and his obnoxious boxers. A thing he is glad about though is that he himself wore a plain black pair today, so even if Potter did sneak a glance, he had no blackmail material against him, and Draco would always have a pair of bright red snitch boxers to his defense.

“You are a hypocrite you know that.” Draco mumbled, a desperate attempt to keep his head from reeling back to his terrible, terrible gay thoughts, he also pulled his pajama pants on before asking, he may have nothing embarrassing under his pants, but it still doesn't mean he could withstand Potter seeing it. “What do you mean?” He heard from behind him, Draco took his time to answer, the ruffling fabric behind him indicates that Potter had put on some pants, thank god. He slowly unbuttoned his wet shirt, not quite ready to expose himself as much quite yet, but eventually he reached the last button, letting the shirt slide off his shoulder, he could feel shivers running down his skin from the cold air of the room, making him hiss quietly. He was completely aware of Potter's eyes in his back, especially since the Solus scattered away from it and waited patiently on the bed as they always did when he got dressed. As he was taking his sleeves off he hesitated, knowing exactly what awaits him under the white fabric, taking in a deep breath, he took down his shirt completely. He clearly heard Potter gasp, knowing exactly what he saw; the dark mark. Still there, and it's thick black lines as ugly  as ever, quite fainted, but still very much noticeable, just sitting there, ruining a perfectly pale wrist, the air around them appeared to be sucked up by some vacuum, leaving a tense and heavy silence lingering over both of the boys. Before Potter could comment on it Draco said “your boxers are red.”

“What?”

Draco quickly pulled his pajama shirt on, a silk long sleeved nightshirt so long it could work as a dress, while he might’ve used it as a night dress when he was little, he isn't as shameless now.  “You commented on how I always wear only my house colors, while you are wearing red boxers yourself. That's why you're a hypocrite.” He finally turned to face Potter, who still stared openly at his wrist as if trying to understand what exactly happened there, his mouth hanging open. When he noticed Draco was watching him he snapped it shut however, careful green eyes fixating on his face, even though Draco could clearly see them snapping back to his hand every couple of seconds. “I- I'm not a hypocrite! I'm sure all of your underwear is green.”

“Nope.” Draco admitted proudly, his other hand clasping over the mark through the fabric. He spared it a quick glance before flopping onto his bed, sighing with relief. “Well, enough with the underwear talk. I'm going to sleep, we have two free beds in this dorm so you can take whatever, I'm turning off the lights, okay?” Draco said as he slipped under the covers, already about to blow the candle. Panic flashed on Potter's face as he simply nodded, he stomped over the two free beds and Draco blew off the  candle, letting the room to be taken over by darkness.

He snuggled up in his bedsheets, enjoying the well missed warmth. Closing his eyes shut he was ready for dreams to overtake him, he didn't hear any rustles from Potter's side of the room, which was weird, maybe he's a very still sleeper. Burying his head into the pillow he could feel himself drifting into sleep before he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. “Draco.” Potter's voice said through the darkness, and Draco my or may not have released a very loud screech. He snapped his eyes open, jumping up quickly up his bed so now he was almost falling off, his eyes got used to the darkness already so he could clearly see Potter _sitting on his bed._ “What are you doing in my bed?” Draco hissed, keeping his voice low even though they were the only ones there.  The boy shrugged, shifting closer “let me sleep with you please” he said, sounding just as uncomfortable as he looked like. Draco just stared at him for a long, long minute, trying to understand whether the chosen one is joking or really wants to get killed.

Draco blinked a couple of times frowning “sod off Potter, I was already falling asleep!” He said, pushing Potter off his bed. “No please! Your common room is freaky and I don't know which bed belonged to Crabbe and I don't want to sleep in a dead person’s bed!!” he begged with pleading eyes, a slim hand grabbing the wrist Draco was pushing Potter off with, leaving him no means of escape. He jerked his hand back but Potter only held him harder, green eyes filled with determination “I don't want to sleep on the floor Malfoy please.” He wanted to struggle, he really did, but something in him softened, remembering those lonely nights at the manor, small feet tapping on the marble floor as he made his way to his parents room, sobbing to his mother after having a hideous nightmare, and how soothing it was so sleep besides her, feeling safe thanks to her warmth. Before he knew it, a sigh left his lips and he was already falling back into his pillow, shifting slightly to make room “fine just shut up.” He growled, pulling the covers over himself.

Squeezing his eyes tight shut he felt the mattress shift with Potter's added weight, who now probably laid besides him. Draco did his best to fall asleep, thinking about anything that could distract him from the git he's sharing his bed with. He counted sheeps, thought about his mother, about Quidditch, and how the weight on his back is way less suffocating than It had been before, two Solus gone into the unknown, both leaving with such pretty colors, only leaving Draco to wonder where they went. And a small part of him, slowly noticing that none of them never really _left_ \- he could still remember how their weight felt, and now he knows what caused them, yet, somehow, knowing the cause doesn't really make it better, but rather more familiar of a feeling: more bearable.

Like meeting up with an old friend after many years apart, it's a bittersweet feeling that he knows by heart, and it doesn't really hurt now but he _knows_ it did, a memory so distant yet so real,  there to follow him with every step.

His eyelids grew heavy as his mind slowly drifted to sleep, the cool room contrasting against Potter's warm body besides him, his breathing has calmed down a while ago, perhaps he's already in deep sleep. A part of him wondered what Potter dreamed about, was it the war or the love of his friends? They all dreamed about the war, hellish nightmares of the screams, crimson red blood dripping in the halls, dear friends long gone, only the lucky ones don't experience nightmares, but the ones that got it the hardest are the the people that don't dream at all, those who have nothing left to dream about.

It was then when Potter shifted, every movement of his noticeable on the small bed “did it hurt?” Potter, who Draco assumed to be long asleep, spoke suddenly. And he debated whether he should turn around and strangle the git for disturbing his sleep twice in one hideous night. “Shut up Potter. This is not a sleepover.” Draco growled, pulling his blanket over his ears as if it would make all the Potter-related noise to go away. But the boy didn't waver, instead, Draco felt an another shift on his bed as Potter popped himself on one elbow, his gaze sternly locked on his nape “I never had a sleepover..” the Gryffindor muttered, a tint of hurt in his voice. Draco made his annoyance known by groaning loudly before turning over to face him, his glare softening when he actually _saw_ Potter, he had his glasses off, making his already big eyes more noticeable, his hair was it's usual mess, but in the moonlight there was something more about it, the way the tips of his raven curls shone white against the moonlight, with each strand of hair sticking out in every direction, but his eyes locked on a certain strand, tucked neatly under the palm Potter was leaning on. Draco was ashamed to admit how _dry_ his throat became the moment he saw him, how his breath actually hitched, which made the whole situation a lot more exasperating. “You're aware we have lessons tomorrow right? That I actually need to _sleep_ in order to function like a normal human being?” Draco said, his voice groggy from the sleep he never reached thanks to a certain someone. But Potter didn't answer his remark like he usually does, instead, he repeated his question:

“Did it hurt?”

Even though Potter didn't state what he was talking about, Draco's forearm stinged with imaginary pain, his dark mark, of course Potter would ask about it in the end, he's seen him changing, and as much as Draco avoided the subject, there's no running away from him past- nor from the mark on his hand. Draco just scoffed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes “duh. It's a dark spell.” He spat, ready to turn away and fall into deep, deep slumber, but Harry stopped him. “Can I see?” he asked, his voice soft, barely higher than a whisper. But to Draco it sounds like shattering glass, he actually winced at the words, his hand shooting to hold his arm, clenching the white fabric around it defensively. “Sod off” Draco said, his voice coming out more of a sob than anything threatening. The truth is, he was terrified of showing it, the mark he once wore proudly, bragging to his friends how he was chosen by the dark lord, just like his father.

The pride he once had now has been splashed with shame, with blood of his own friends. Why would anyone want to see such thing? Such cruel, hideous thing?

“Please” Potter said, treating him like some kind of a small animal. Draco didn't want to, he won't show it even if he'll be begged to. “It's proof that he's dead.”  His gray eyes shot open quickly, widening as he met Harry's gaze. The eyes that once were only looking at Draco with pure hate, the same look he'd give the dark lord, they were soft now, pleading, asking for permission. Just like him, Potter had been afraid. He needs proof that the person that ruined his life is really dead, and Draco, as foolish as it is, gave up for him.

Slowly, pale fingers released the fabric, and with a deep breath, Draco shoved his blanket down and rolled up his sleeve.

And there it was, curvy thick black lines, though faded now, but still, as clear as day marking the shape of a snake and a skull, Voldemort’s mark. Potter did not ask before touching it, his careful fingers just brushed against the skull, trailing it's faded lines. A shiver ran across Draco's skin, usually the mark was touched only to summon _him_ , how ironic is that the boy who lived would he touching it now?. “Huh.” Harry said, his intense green eyes following the lines with deep concentration “I thought it would feel more like a scar, but your skin is smooth.”  Draco wanted to laugh, to mock him for such an awful remark, but he didn't, his eyes focusing on the famous lightning bolt instead. He never understood how everyone always recognized Potter for such a small thing, there it is, barely seen under Potter's bush of a hair. Yet this scar was the thing to define him, the legendary Harry Potter, the chosen one.

A thing clicked inside of Draco as he let his gaze follow Harry's locking on a mark of his own.

Perhaps McGonagall was right, they _are_ fairly similar.

Both of them were marked by the same person, letting it define their whole life.  
“I was surprised too” Draco said honestly. “It looks so much like a scar.. especially now.” Potter hummed to that, his thumb rubbing his skin gently, his eyes mirrored how he was drowning in thought “have you ever thought about covering it up?”  Potter said, and Draco actually laughed. “A tattoo made by the Dark Lord himself? No magic could remove such evil, also, I'm covering it up the whole year. You know how hot it is to wear long sleeves during summer?”

Harry shook his head “I didn't mean clothes, do a cover up tattoo or something.”

“Yeah, like any magic tattoo artist would touch me.”

“A muggle one then.”

Draco froze, thinking whether he should brush it off as a joke, but Potter's glare was determined, he was totally serious. “Potter please, muggles are-”

“It's very common in the muggle world to cover up scars or old tattoos.” Potter cut him off. “They don't know who he is, they would think you were in some kind of emo phase or something, seriously, they won't bat an eye.” Draco couldn't form proper words, a pureblood getting tattooed by a muggle? In what world would that happen? Potter is mental, absolutely mental. “It's without Magic, so I don't think it will activate some sort of trap.” Potter insisted, his hand now squeezing Draco's arm tightly. Draco grunted uncomfortably, looking down at his mark, could that really be covered up? By muggles no less?

“I-” Draco said “I don't know okay?! How muggles even tattoo people?”

“With needles.” Potter said without skipping a beat. Draco screeched “A NEEDLE?? What is wrong with them?? I would never do such a stupid thing as tattooing myself with- with needles!!”  Instead of saying anything, Potter just gave him a long, long glare. “Won't do anything as stupid huh?” He mused, making Draco snap his mouth shut.

“Ugh- fine I'll think about it it.. or something.” He exclaimed, yanking his arm from Potter's grasp and turning over so his back would face the git, he pulled his covers back over himself, his cheeks heating up in a very much annoying manner.

“Just go to sleep Potter.” He muttered, wishing for his own mattress to swallow him.

Potter just chuckled behind him, shifting with his own blanked before he said;

“Good night, Draco.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm jumping between humor and angst but that's what I like, I feel like this fanfic is really bittersweet and kind of real? For my feelings at least.  
> Hope you liked this update! I've finally reached scenes I wanted to make for so long!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even doubt  
> Can be delicious  
> And it washes off of all the dirty dishes  
> When it's done  
> I can smile  
> It's on someone else's plate for a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOO IT'S 2 AM AND I JUST FINISHED THIS CHAPTER BUT I COULDN'T MAKE YOU GUYS WAIT ANY LONGER SO THERE IT IS! I LIKE WROTE 5K WORDS IN ONE SITTING SO THIS CHAPTER IS 9K WORDS THAN THE USUAL 6K HOPE IT'S GOOD ENOUGH GOOD NIGHT

**forgiveness**

**[for·give·ness]**

**noun**

**  
** **Forgiveness is defined as letting go of past grudges or lingering anger against a person or people.**

  
  


Harry woke up heavy.

Not only that, but he also felt disoriented and incredibly warm. His eyes opened slowly, blinking a few times while two thoughts occurred to him: this wasn't his bed nor his common room. 

The weight he felt on top of him? That was Draco Malfoy. His long pale legs draped all over him, a platinum blond head snuggling into his chest, Harry let out a choked noise, Malfoy was bloody heavy, since in addition to a weight of a healthy young man, a bundle of way more heavier Solus all cuddling on top of his back as well. Which would have been cute, if Harry wasn't in actual danger of suffocating. 

With a quick flash of panic Harry considered shoving Malfoy off himself and claim him for abducting him, but then he remembered that he willingly came into his room, even worse,  _ he  _ begged Malfoy to let him in his bed.  Should he wake him up? Would that be rude? On the other hand, Draco was sleeping so soundly, he remembered how he caught the boy sleeping when they were brewing a potion together, there's something so soft about him like this, with all of his guards down and his cheek squished against his chest. It's like he fits there, to snuggle up against him- wait. He shook his head, feeling a blush creeping up his cheeks, was that weird to think about Malfoy in that way? He is his rival! Well, not anymore, but they  just became friends, and friends shouldn't fantasize about each other. Tearing his eyes off the blond forcefully Harry looked around the room,with the night gone and a soft sunlight creeping in he could definitely see a comfort in living here, green patterns on the beds fitting just right with the green-ish water seen through the round window, while feeling cozy and secure, it will never be as comfortable as the Gryffindor common room is.

His heart dropped to his stomach when his gaze locked with an another pair of eyes. Blaise was there, standing right next to his bed with his eyebrows quirked up and a rather cocky smirk painted on his lips. “Comfortable?” He said, his eyes glistening with amusement. Choking on air Harry immediately jerked up so violently the poor sleeping Malfoy slid right off him, awakening a bunch of sleepy (yet still hideous) Solus, who started screeching and running all over the bed.  With no time to take in the situation Harry's head turned back to the dark skinned boy “it's- I can explain!!” Harry screeched, so panicked he didn't notice a figure shifting on top of his chest. Blaise just stared, long and emotionless, as if he was knowing something Harry didn't quite catch that grasp of yet, but he didn't care, not in the moment, when he is found in the Slytherin common room in no other than Draco Malfoys bed. 

“Ugh…” a quiet grunt could be heard right next to him, Malfoy popped himself on his elbows lazily, sleepy gray eyes not awake enough for him to grasp what's going on. He slowly turned around, and Harry noticed how messy his bedhead is, one side of his head completely smushed, probably caused by Harry's chest, which now lays cold without Malfoy on it. His eyes narrowed, as if trying to process whether the man in his bed is invited to stay there or not, and then dropped his head back to the pillow, groaning; “quit yelling...it's too early for that.” Harry gasped, only not realizing how raspy Draco's voice sounds, and if he didn't know any better, he'd assume Malfoy just had a  _ night.  _ Which is bad, since Blaise is right in the room with them, and by the devious smirk on his lips, he does not know any better. “Morning love birds, you better get dressed before you miss breakfast completely and whine to be about it all day” Blaise said, pulling out a fresh button up and changing right in front of them, Harry, his mouth agape, quickly closed it moving the blankets from his feet ( throwing it on top of Malfoy in the process) and stumbling out of the bed clumsily almost tripping over his long pajama pants.  “we're not love birds!!” Harry stuttered, but Blaise wasn't looking at his desperate face. Instead, menacing eyes focused on Harry's body, not that there's anything wrong with it, after leaving the Dursleys he became a rather healthy boy. He didn't know what Blaise was staring at exactly, but Harry couldn't help but feel uncomfortable under his gaze.

“Nice sweater. Green suits you.” The Slytherin boy said in the end, his smile widening and revealing two rows of perfect white teeth. Harry gasped, his head snapping to look at his clothes. Right, he borrowed Draco's pajamas yesterday, which was fine during the night, but now when the cruel sunlight revealed him, Harry truly realized that he, a proud Gryffindor, was wearing multiple shades of green as his sleepwear which may or may not belong to an actual Slytherin, who was still lying on the bed they had previously spent the night in. They didn't do anything, Harry was just creeped out by sleeping in a dead person's bed, and sharing one with a very much alive Malfoy is a way better option. 

Blushing hard Harry looked around the room to find his clothes, finding them right in the entrance, damn. Blaise had quite the sight when he came in didn't he? 

“Can you guys shut up? Potter was just dumb enough to run into Filch, and I was kind enough to let him stay the night.” Draco finally rose from his bed, taking his damn time stretching lazily, can't he see Harry is in a state of distress?!  Then, the Slytherin boy turned to Blaise, his eyes cold “and you would've known that if you weren't so busy snogging that Ravenclaw last night.” Blaise just shrugged but Harry could see a deep blush creeping up his face “whatever, you're late for breakfast.” He said and then grabbed his bag, giving Harry a wink before striding out of the dormitory.

Standing there, Harry was unsure whether to bolt after Blaise to avoid conversation or stay there staring blankly into a wall. Unaware of his crisis, Draco sat on his bed running a lazy hand through his hair  “we ought to get ready” he mumbled, tired eyes taking in the bright sunlight. “Yeah,right.” Harry spat out, turning around to gather his clothes, his heart dropping when the realization hit him: his clothes are still wet from yesterday. As if his morning couldn't get any weirder. Maybe he didn't have to trust Malfoy this quickly, perhaps offering him a hand of friendship was the wrong thing to do, it only brought weird things and wet clothes. besides, he and Malfoy might never get along, and within seconds time Malfoy will realize this and kick Harry out of his dorm.

But he didn't. Instead, Draco slid off his bed silently, bare feet tapping on the cold floor as he made his way to the bathroom. Harry could see it now, how the bundle of Solus seems a bit smaller, with two of its compatriots gone the rest seems more challenging, as if they're ready to hold onto Draco until his death, keeping the boy from letting them bloom.

Maybe that's his purpose? Harry wondered, could it be where he comes in? To help Malfoy get to the finish line so when the next time comes for him to turn his back so carelessly to Harry, just like he does now- “hey,” Draco turned to him, one hand resting on the bathrooms door handle “don't just stand there, or does the mighty Harry Potter doesn't need to wash his face?” He snorted, already following Draco in “shut up Malfoy.” He said. 

So when he turns his back to Harry again, it will be light with 5 more Solus missing.

 

* * *

 

 

“Where have you been?!” Weasley squealed as he and Potter made their way inside the great Hall, it was already half empty as many students had already finished their breakfast. They sat down the Gryffindor table together earning a couple of looks, especially from Longbottom, who tensed up the moment Draco appeared in the hall. Potter chuckled awkwardly rubbing the back of his head “sorry, I slept over at Draco's” he said, and Hermione gasped loudly, he could already feel the blush creeping up his face, no way to be subtle with the name change but Potter didn't have to be so blunt about it! “Don't make it sound weird Potter. I kindly let you in only because you were enough of a dumbass to almost run into Filch yesterday.” It seems like his excuse (which was the absolute truth and nothing else) didn't land properly, since Hermione gave him a long and knowing look he wished she wasn't giving him. Pansy, who Draco now noticed was sitting besides her, a pair of black eyebrows so high you could barely see them under her dark hair. “You guys made up!” She exclaimed happily, a wave of relief washed over him, at least his best friend wasn't giving him weird looks, someone did though, sitting next to Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom couldn't stop staring him tense glances as if waiting for Draco to leap at him at any moment. When he met his gaze however, the boy turned back to his half empty plate, shoving a piece of fried egg into his throat, nearly choking on it in the process.

“Well…. Yeah…” Potter said “things happened.. and we sorta decided to be friends afterwards.”  He pointed over at Draco focusing everyone's attention on him. He coughed, reaching for a green apple in a basket and taking a big bite of it. “Yes. One of the Solus bloomed again”  at that Weasley gasped, jerking his head so fast Draco’s surprised it hadn't rolled off his shoulders, only to be disappointed as he's reminded that he indeed, cannot see the Solus at all. “So now.. two of them bloomed? That's progress! How did it happen?” Hermione asked and suddenly Draco didn't feel like answering. How could he describe it to them? Sleeping with Potter had been really helpful, he was too busy fighting over his blanket than thinking about what happened in the room of requirement, this moment he and Potter shared, Draco hadn't played the piano since it was taken away by the ministry, together with his whole life but then, in that burned down room he found the power to play again. Only Potter had heard him sing, that song from his childhood long long ago, one that followed little Draco through nightmares, which at the time were a monster under his bed and not a worse creature lurking in his house, splashing blood over the walls Draco once used to draw on. Somehow he only wished for Harry to know about such thing, about such details about his life, the ongoing loneliness inside a big house and a crowded school. He felt like Potter could understand him, though coming from a different place, though being a hero in the war instead of a mere coward, Potter didn't laugh and didn't ask questions, they shared a knowing silence together, a silence of two things who know nothing at all. He then took a second bite of his apple, avoiding the question as he chewed. “I went to say goodbye to Crabbe in the room of requirement, in its remains, at least.” He said at last, risking a glance at Neville, who stated blankly into his plate, Draco wondered if he had listened in on their conversation, Potter's words flashing inside his head:  _ “I talked to Neville you know..that's what made me blow off on you _ . _ ”  _ he could only guess what the both of them talked about, given their shared history Draco guessed it wasn't good things. Hermione nodded quietly as gloom fell over the table, they've all been there, well, besides Pansy of course, who now tried to hold back tears, not a good way to start a morning, mourning you friends death, but it's not a new thing for any of them, since everyone lost someone in the war. “I'm sorry Draco… we tried our best-” Granger began and he made sure to stop her there “hey, it's okay. The Solus bloomed, so I'm better now” he gave her a gentle smile which she returned, no need to feel guilty now. Besides her, Weasley frowned, perhaps disapproving of their exchange? Draco had no time to think this over, since at this moment Neville rose up from his seat leaving the Great Hall. He didn't know what pushed him up to follow, but he did, shooting Potter a quick glance. One of the Solus climbed up his hair as he did so, making his scalp sting and eyes water- maybe Neville is the next thing he's ought to fix? He wasn't sure, but it was worth a try.

Falling into a quick pace he followed in a direction he assumed Neville would take, noticing movement right around the corner.  Taking bigger steps he took a sharp turn, seeing Neville's back just a few meters away from him “Longbottom!” He shouted, running up to him as the Gryffindor stopped, only now Draco noticed that his shoulders are tense, as if he's expecting a beating, his heart dropped when he realized this might be his fault. “Um.”  Draco felt uncomfortable talking to him, especially since he didn't really feel like apologizing to Neville Longbottom. But he promised Harry to be good or something, so he better give it a chance. “I'm sorry, you know, for everything” Draco said, scratching the back of his neck. Neville, who still stood with his back facing him, didn't speak for a while, but he did turn around, his eyes not angry nor hurt, just tired.  He looked apathetic, like Draco's words mean nothing to him, maybe they did. 

“Did Harry tell you to say it?” He said at last, Draco opened his mouth to answer only to get interrupted “I know you guys had a fight. Probably because of me, and now you're okay again. So Harry asked of you to apologise to me.” He stated coldly, glaring daggers onto his face, Draco could only nod weakly “Longbottom listen-” 

“Why me?” he said before Draco finished the sentence “that's the only thing I want to know.” Neville took a step forward, his apathetic expression turning angry “why, out of all the people you could make miserable- you chose me?”. His throat went dry, how is he to explain himself? Neville has always been the weakest link, a tiny whiny little boy who couldn't defend himself against anyone. He has to admit bullying Neville has made him feel…powerful. “I- I had a hard time, back then.” he said simply, but Neville just frowned “oh I've heard all about it. Those creatures on your back or something, giving you a hard time! How interesting. Draco Malfoy starts caring about the people around him only when he starts suffering!”  that's not true, he wanted to say, to shout even. How dare he accuse me of such things when I'm trying to apologise? Draco wondered to himself, gritting his teeth to the sight of the angry Gryffindor. The Solus on his back hissed loudly, making this overall experience a huge headache, taking a deep breath he tried again. “Listen.. my father abused me okay?” He felt a shiver run down his neck, but he went on “I was angry so I took it out on people! I'm different now.” He said, not entirely believing it. 

Seems like Neville didn't believe him as well, he scoffed angrily “different now huh? Oh, poor Draco! Look how damaged he is, so we should all just forgive him right? No! I won't be like them.” He stepped forward, poking a painful finger in his chest “I will not pity you Malfoy. I will not flutter around you just because you became somewhat decent!”. Now he was really getting on Draco's nerves, who felt his face heat up from anger, he'd push Neville off himself, just like he did in his early years, more than anything he wished to shout in his face, to laugh out 'ha! You think you're worthy of my apology?!’ and then Neville would squirm, run away crying just like he did after all those years instead of glaring daggers at him with such bravery now Draco understood how he had the guts to slice down that snake.

Clenching his hands into tight fists, Draco kept his arms at his sides “no one is fluttering around me Longbottom.” He muttered, finding it easier to avoid looking into his eyes. Neville just laughed, a cold, dry laugh having no humor in it. “I can't believe you're saying this, I can't believe we're even having this conversation! You-” he shoved his finger harder, making Draco take a step back “you come to me saying sweet nothings! You're sorry? Yeah sure! You didn't look sorry when you pushed me down the stairs with those big friends of yours, you didn't look sorry when you screamed the name of the dark lord so proudly, saying how soon all of us will be bowing down at your feet.” 

“Your family was bad huh? Yeah. On that I agree, did you know Malfoy? You're not the only one who had suffered. Your aunt, Bellatrix, did you know? How she  _ tortured _ my mother to oblivion? being cruel enough not to kill her, leaving an empty shell of a woman who won't even recognize her son!” a memory of his own mother flashed in front of his eyes, hitting his face like a splash of ice cold water. Her warm fingers soft yet determined on the keys as she taught him piano, her loving voice guiding while he tried to follow his mothers steps, he hated that he thought about her during such a moment, was she still there? All alone in muggle London, her beautiful hands bony and without color, she waited for her son to return, writing him frequent letters, showing him how she's still here, hoping her son remembers her warmth even when he's far away. Draco swallowed hard, noticing how Neville's hand dropped from his chest, and now hanged heavily at his sides like two shaking bags of flesh. “It's not fair. For you to stand here, for you to laugh together with Hermione who you once called a mudblood! And with Ron… and Ginny! Have you ever wondered how they felt? For you to be alive and breathing while their brother died fighting in these halls?!”  Oh. He remembered him, that Weasley twin, he saw his face in the newspaper once, as part of a long list of names, containing rows upon rows of Hogwarts students who died in the war, he came across it only because he was searching for Crabbe, his name wasn't included in the list.

He never really thought about it, how many familiar faces were buried after the battle of Hogwarts, people he ate and studied with on the daily, colorless amongst rows of graves. Was it because he has been so deep in his own problems? Would he, if were killed in the war, had been written in the lists? Perhaps not, just like Bellatrix and Crabbe weren't, since villians do not deserve to be remembered.

“Don't tell me you've changed Malfoy!” Neville was screaming how, and Draco let him, as angry as it made him, he didn't really have any words to fight his accusations. “Don't tell me that all you've done- all these things you put me through are not as black and white!” His eyes were blazing fire boiling behind his tears, who were now pouring out uncontrollably “after all of this … don't tell me that I'm wrong for thinking you were a villain, that you were not the monster- that I knew…” 

Solus swirled back and forth on his back, and Draco felt like he couldn't watch this scene any longer. He thought about saying 'i'm sorry’ again, but he couldn't, Longbottom wouldn't take half assed apologies, and Draco, well, he was no worthy of telling a heartfelt one either.

 

* * *

 

A couple of days have passed since their conversation, if you can call it that way. Draco couldn't say he's unbothered, as much as he wanted to act all cool and collected about the situation but his mind kept drifting back to it, he never knew about Neville's situation, he never cared to actually ask or wonder what his new friends were going through, ever since the Solus appeared on his back he always thought about how hard of a time he's been going through, while Potter feared sleeping alone, nightmares of the war still hunt him to this day. 

He stared at his lunch, this time they were seated in the Slytherin table, Pansy was chattering about something with Hermione per usual- which alone is a weird thing to say, these two really get along recently. Weasley, sulking right next to his girlfriend, shoved so much food into his throat Draco wondered how the git stayed so skinny. Potter, who sat just besides his best friend, would shoot him curious glances once in a while, perhaps it's very easy to notice when Draco's unwell. “Draco! What do you think?” He blinked, only now realizing that Hermione has been addressing him “uh- what?” He chuckled, really hoping that she wasn't asking him a question. Granger rolled her eyes “as I was saying, I think Slughorn's last project is utterly ridiculous!! How am I supposed to write an essay about unicorn blood when I can't even get a sample!  All the books babble about their silver color, not their special effects on healing potions for God's sake!” She exclaimed frustratedly and a soft smile curved on Draco's face. Potions, yeah, that's a thing he knows about, they are much easier to handle than human emotions or the guilt of many years of torture, if there's one thing he would be good at, that would be potions. “Of course Granger” he sneered “that's why it's a project- you're supposed to research it, come to your own conclusions instead of copying from the book, duh.” 

“Wait, what project?” Potter asked, looking so confused you might assume he arrived at Hogwarts just yesterday “the project Slughorn gave us last lesson, you're supposed to hang it out in 3 days you know.” Draco said, not even being surprised by Potter's behavior at this point. From their short friendship he had learned that the chosen one is not as clever and amazing as everyone thinks, while he knew this for forever, Harry Potter is nothing more than a huge dumbass. Pansy giggled, looking over Granger's shoulder to look at the boy “you really forgot? You know you're graded for this right?” The chosen one paled, his head quickly jerking towards Granger. “Hermio-” 

“No.” She said coldly, snapping her book shut. “But why??” Harry whined, trying his best attempt in the world's-most-annoying-puppy-eyes Draco had ever seen in his life. “Because you're supposed to do it alone Harry, I've already helped you with your charms essay, you're on your own here buddy.” Potter just whined, running a hand through his mess of a hair, Hermione softened a little “oh come on Harry, it's not that bad. Besides, Draco is brilliant with Potions too.” She said, and he noticed at the corner of his eye how Weasley sent him a nasty glare, what's his deal anyway? He had no time to think this over however, as Potter shifted his puppy eyes from Granger to him “Draco! Buddy!” he exclaimed, and somehow he felt a jolt of annoyance swirl in his belly, together with a weird hot feeling gathering in his cheeks “me? Helping Potter? Never in a lifetime.” He said smugly, enjoying how the Gryffindor boy gasped “I thought I was your friend now!” 

“More of an annoyance, really.” 

“Oh come on Malfoy, don't be a dick.” 

But now more than ever, Draco really felt like being a dick actually, because it annoyed Potter, and annoying him made Draco feel better. besides, playing hard to get is way more amusing. Harry did not find this amusing however, picking up a fork he pointed it at him. “You will help me young man.” He said, trying to be intimidating but honestly Draco thought he simply looked like a joke. But something in Potter challenging him ignited a spark of interest inside him, Draco's gray eyes glistened as he leaned back on his chair smirking mischievously at him. “Make me.” He said, suddenly feeling the mood shifting to something more heavy, some sort of tension he could not get the grasp of yet, seems like Potter felt this too, since he shut his mouth tightly with his brilliant green eyes burning bright with challenge, or something else, that's a thought he should think about later.

For a moment everyone just stared at each other, Weasley slowly chewing a mouthful of gravy, hoping no one will notice. Hermione coughed awkwardly “anyway. I'm in such a mood for apple pie!” She exclaimed, smiling to herself warmly from the memory. “Well, there's pie here” Ron said after he swallowed “speaking of-” he reached over the platter and grabbed himself a slice, or two, and kept eating. “I know.. but like.. I miss  _ making  _ them you know?” She looked at her boyfriend with sheer disappointment, and then sighed, realizing everyone are looking at her dumbfounded. “Wait, you've never made a pie before? Like, ever?” She stared, Draco felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach “uh…no?” He said, realizing that he and Potter said that in unison, both sparing a look at each other before turning back to Hermione, who frowned “you mean your mother never taught you how to make apple pie?” Potter grimaced, his gaze dropping to Ron's half eaten plate “er..” he mumbled, and Hermione clasped her hands over her mouth, gasping “oh Harry I didn't mean to- and you Draco?” She turned to him in a desperate attempt to fix the situation, he swallowed hard, noticing Pansy smirking at him. “Um, well, my mother never really used the kitchen...house elves cooked for us…” he mumbled suddenly feeling embarrassed of his heritage, which he shouldn't do, why would he? His life was filled with gifts and chocolates with plenty of money to spare of course they had house elves- his mother is a noble woman, at least she would be still, if her husband hadn't been a death eater and thrown to rot in jail. Hermione's frown turned into a glare, seems like house elves is a sensitive topic for her, Merlin, it's so hard to communicate with Gryffindors. 

"I see.” She said, her tone cold “I guess there's no choice then.” Something inside him told Draco that this is not going to end well, he'd been hanging out with Hermione for two months or so, and even he knew that when she had ideas it's either genius or the worst thing that has ever to you, so it is only natural that he automatically said: “no.”

“I didn't even say anything!” She exclaimed, and Pansy snickered besides her. “That's it, we're making pie.” This time, Weasley was the one to react, finally lifting his head from his plate while chewing a mouthful of pie “huh? What're we duin?” He asked, and Draco flinched with disgust, don't they teach them manners in the Weasley house? Hermione didn't mind, patting her boyfriend on the back “we will sneak into the kitchen! The house elves love me there, I'm sure they'll help.” Draco had to say one or two things about this situation. first, why the hell would they sneak into a kitchen swarming with house elves? Second, by the way both Potter and Weasley looked at her, Draco found it hard to believe that house elves actually like her, more like the opposite if he were to talk.  “Oh cool!” Weasley said after he finally swallowed, everyone else didn't seem as excited. “Well... there's no need for a thousand of people to make pie so….” Pansy said, casually sliding off her seat “yeah.” Blaise blurted out, standing up and leaving as if he never sat there, when Draco was about to do the same, he was unlucky being within arm reach of the woman, who immediately grappled him and pushed him down to his seat. “Well then, more pie for us.” Hermione smiled sweetly, and Draco already regretting his choice of friends.

* * *

 

It has been a while since Harry visited the kitchens, ever since Dobby died he tried hard to avoid this place, the guilt swelling up in his stomach each time he remembered his friend running around in these halls, working in this kitchen but not as a slave, but as a free elf. And free he died, buried like an equal near the shell cottage, the soft sand being his bed. Passing through the portrait they entered the well lit interior of the Hogwarts kitchen, swarming with a dozen of house elves cooking and chopping, aggressively preparing for their upcoming meal. The air was filled with all kinds of delicious scents, cooked meat and spices together with the smell of fresh bread just being pulled out of the oven. Hermione breathed in the wonderful smell, smiling widely as she already stepped in approaching the nearest elf. 

“Is it…how you usually spend your time..?” Draco murmured into his ear, through their way to the kitchen he paled several shades and looked very uncomfortable, focusing all his attention on his shoes than anything else going on around him. Harry smirked “nah, but I do remember a couple of times when I came over for tea when.. well, Dobby was alive.” The last sentence left his mouth with a guilty feeling swirling in his stomach, as hard as he tried not to think about his eleven friend, he just hopped back in to the conversation. When he thought that Draco couldn't look even more uncomfortable, he was surprised to find out that the Slytherin has successfully mastered the art of frowning, showing discomfort of various levels in many different and unique ways, his teeth clenched and he stepped a bit further from Harry, his milky pale hand rubbing at the cuffs of his sleeve. “huh..he died..” 

Oh, oh right.

Before Dobby earned his freedom, he had been serving the Malfoy family, with Lucius abusing him endless. Only thanks to Harry's trick during his second year he managed to free him, he often wondered if the Malfoys got a new house elf since. Harry rubbed his nape sheepishly “yeah, he protected me to the end.” Now Harry found himself looking at his shoes, it was weird talking about death like that, especially with Malfoy, his feelings never really occurred to him, how he should probably speak about what he is going through more, he remembered openly mourning someone only after Sirius- oh great, another death on Harry's account, maybe he shouldn't think about anything, maybe he shouldn't speak at all. “He teleported you guys out of the manor” Draco went on, not paying much attention to his distress  “what.. um..”

“It was Bellatrix, she killed him.”

“Oh..”

“She threw a knife at him at the last second, and it hit.”

“Oh. I see.” 

The both of them just stood there. At least there was one thing they could always be similar at, they don't know how to talk about important things such as their feelings, and very much prefer just standing there, getting angry at their problems instead of solving them. 

“There she comes!” Ron exclaimed, startling both of the boys. Harry almost forgot his best friend was standing right besides them, looking more and more uncomfortable by the second. He visibly softened when Hermione approached however, holding a bag of flour with two house elves behind her, one holding a basket full of apples. “We can use the counter right in the corner, by the time we will finish the dough they'll have an oven prepared for us” she said proudly with a bright smile on her face. Even though Harry was uncertain about all this, he couldn't help but smile back at his excited friend. Ron quickly grabbed the basket and thanked the house elf, while Draco gaped at the pair looking like he doesn't know what he's supposed to do now, so Harry quickly walked up to the second house elf which carried a paper bag and took it from her “thank you for letting us use the kitchen” he smiled at her softly noticing that the bag contains some cinnamon and sugar. She giggled shyly “we would do anything for our heroes, mister Potter” sharing a quick look with her friend who nodded “yes! This is the least we could do” Harry tried hard to keep smiling at them as he stood back up to his full height, it's awkward to get called like that, and Harry is everything but a hero in his opinion, which was mutually agreed with Malfoy who murmured “saint Potter” when he came back. 

“Shut up Draco, I thought we were friends.” Harry said, pushing the paper bag into his arms, Draco gasped and almost dropped all of it's insides  catching it in his hands clumsily. His head jerked up angrily “I thought this was your bag?!” Harry smirked “not anymore” and started making his way towards their table. “Wha-” he was about to complain, but realized that he was left alone with the two elves with all of his friends already halfway to their workplace. Draco snapped his mouth shut, giving the small pair a confused glare, as if he's unsure of how to act so he just returns to his natural state: being a dick.

He quickly caught up though, shooting nervous glances towards all the peering elves around him. “They're not going to eat you, Malfoy.” Harry said teasingly, pushing his hands into his pockets, enjoying Draco's distress. “That's easy for you to say.” He grumbled, letting his bag fall on the table with a loud thud as they reached their destination. Hermione already gathering her curly hair into a massive ponytail “okay first, wash your hands! Come on!” She pushed the boys towards the sinks “roll up your sleeves! Malfoy stop being a baby.” She shouted while Draco whined. They all followed suit, returning to find her putting out all of the ingredients, her sleeves rolled up and her tie carefully folded on her bag, which was seated on a chair at the far end of the table. “Okay, the first thing about pie making, is the love you put into it!” She chattered  happily, Harry could practically hear Malfoy rolling his eyes “oh, too bad, it seems to be the one thing I'm lacking, time to go.” He said, already turning over to leave, only to be grabbed by a too quick Hermione. “Oh no. You're not leaving” she said, dragging him back to the table and holding him in place by the arm. “So, I'll hand you guys some tasks and you'll do them, this way we will finish quite quickly.” She spoke calmly, tightening her grasp when Malfoy tried to yank his arm away. 

“Harry and Ron,I want you guys to make the batter. It's fairly easy, just make sure to keep the butter cold.” She walked up to them and pointed out the ingredients, sugar, butter, flour, and some water she got while they were washing their hands. She dragged Malfoy alongside her wherever she went to keep him from running away, and the boy made sure that everyone were aware of his discomfort. “Granger let me go I'm not a kid.”

“I'm not quite sure about that.”

“Ughhhhh” 

She completely ignored him however, telling them how they need to mix the ingredients in a bowl and then pour some flour on the table, kneading the dough before it all sticks together and becomes rather elastic. “Hermione my hand hurtsss” Draco sighed dramatically in the background, his other hand displayed against his forehead dramatically as if he's some damsel in distress. Harry snickered as she slapped his hand “Merlin's beard Malfoy you're so annoying.” She said, leaving Ron and him to deal with the dough themselves. She didn't go far however, leading Malfoy just across the table and finally letting go of his hand, Draco let out a cry of triumph holding his hand out as if he almost had it cut out, his happiness quickly fading when with a heavy thud, a basket full of apples was placed in front of him. “You my dear, are going to peel the apples.” Hermione said, handing Malfoy a knife. If Harry would've guessed he'd say at this point Draco was seeing white, since he gaped at the knife in his hands with pure horror “w-what?” He muttered, shooting Hermione a terrified look “you mean...all of these..?” He pointed at the basket, Hermione nodded smugly. “You better be thankful, I knew you wouldn't dirty yourself to save your life, so i didn't give you anything to do with flour.” 

“This- this is a fuck ton of apples!” Draco exclaimed, his rich background seeping through like sand “I've never even stepped into a kitchen? And you expect me to peel  _ apples?”  _ Hermione nodded again. “And cut them up afterwards.”

“Cut them up?! Are you mental? I will slice my finger off!” Now she was one one rolling her eyes, grabbing Malfoy by the shoulders and turning him sharply towards the basket, giving him a light slap on the nape, making him flinch. “Oh you will alright, you chop things for potions just fine.” 

“Potions is different than cutting someone's literal  _ skin  _ off!” 

“Don't be dramatic, apple is not a someone.”

“I am a someone!!” Draco whined, earning yet an another slap from Hermione.

Harry was laughing out loud at this point, seeing Draco struggling like that is truly a blast. When he turned to Ron however, he noticed that his friend was not having a good time at all. “They get along well don't they?” Ron muttered so just Harry could hear, he frowned “what are you talking about?”. His friend poured the flour into a bowl, but his motions were more violent than they needed to be. “Malfoy duh, all intelligent and up to his ass.” Harry gaped at him, his ginger brows were furrowed angrily with an intense glare aimed at the pair. “Ron.” Harry grabbed him by the shoulder “Hermione loves you mate, why would she need Malfoy?” This really didn't make any sense in his head, out of all the people he knew he would never even think that Draco and Hermione would work out together, they're just so.. not right for each other, Hermione liked Ron ever since she knew him, Harry honestly couldn't name a more perfect pair. They fight a lot sure, but they survived a war together, stayed together even though it had been hard. Unlike Harry and Ginny who couldn't handle an another person's problem together with themselves. “I don't know, he reads books and shit, clearly doesn't need help with potions.” Ron whispered angrily, slicing the butter into cubes even though Harry was sure he imagined someone else under his knife. Harry's frown deepened and he followed Ron's glare coming to a sight: Hermione peeking over Draco's shoulder as he pathetically attempted to peel apples, his hands clumsily either cutting too deep or nothing at all. 

“Why can't I just use magic?” he moaned, yanking the apple from his hand when the knife finally found its way to his finger, he hissed loudly shaking his hands which now Harry noticed had one finger colored crimson, quickly popping it in his mouth, sucking on it grumpily “I told you!!” He shouted, his eyes suddenly meeting Harry's.  He might have accidentally shoved a bunch of flour down his throat since it just went dry, there was something different about Malfoy, all worked up and frustrated like that, struggling with the dumbest and the simplest of things making him look more alive, more human. He had rolled up his sleeve just like Hermione told him, the soft yellow light of the room making even his ugly mark beautiful, platinum blonde hair all messed up and from all the times he ran his fingers through making several locks fall freely against his forehead, almost glowing white in this lighting. Something in his stomach twisted uncomfortably, and he dropped his gaze to look back at his bowl, filled with a little mountain of pure white flour, so soft yet cool to the touch, a voice in his head suggested to shove his face into it, that would make him get rid of a bizarre thought. 

“Oh goodness!” Hermione laughed out, quickly reaching for her wand and casting dittany. “There you go, blood's gone, now go back to peeling.” It was clearly a tease, but Malfoy got so worked up over it, muttering all about muggle nonsense and stupid apple pies, Harry hadn't really listened. 

“And the reason we're not using magic is-” she continued, walking over to their side, taking the butter that Ron had previously cut and dropping it into the flour, digging her clean hands in and started kneading. “Because it feels more real that way, if there's one thing magic can't do, is to give you the fulfillment  you'd get if you had done it by hand.” She pushed into the dough, not caring to get some flour on her, when she saw that the hard part was done, she handed the bowl to Harry, who took her position. “Ron, pour the water in little by little while Harry does that, it will be easier that way” Hermione gave Ron a quick kiss on the cheek, leaving a bit of flour there, Ron just grumbled, pouring a bit of ice cold water into the mix. “When you're baking it really creates this special feeling..” Hermione sighed, a soft smile appearing on her face as if recalling a good memory, taking a second knife and beginning to peel apples herself, doing a way better and skillful job than Malfoy ever could. “You can just put all your worries and feelings into it, and then serve it to someone else on a platter.” Harry gaped at the green peel curling up as a thin long line as she ran her knife over the fruit quickly. “That is a good metaphor”  he pushed into his dough harder, wishing that with it he could push in some lurking thought as well. She hummed, “when I was little I used to think that if I put all my feelings into a pie, I could make something good and sweet out of it, and then all my problems would wash off the dirty dishes.” They all went quiet, probably thinking about all the problems they could shove in a pie, even Draco went quiet, peeling his apples in big clumsy chunks, a couple of Solus lurking on his back, and some walking on the table, trying hard to knock the knife out of his fingers. He sighed, grabbing his bowl and moving over to Malfoy's side, earning a quick glare from Ron. “ ‘Mione,go help your boyfriend, he seems to be struggling.” She rolled her eyes but smiled at the boy lovingly “you peel the apples then.” She said, grabbing the bowl out of his grasp “just so it won't be too easy.” And with a wink she went to make her beloved roll out the dough for her. “Came here to laugh?” Draco muttered, reaching to take an another apple from the basket, Harry couldn't help but chuckle softly “a bit.” He said, fetching one Solus off Draco's back, who immediately froze, his gray eyes looking at him, wide and questioning but Harry, despite his loud and very much beating heart, ignored the boy and instead placed the creature on his own shoulder, wincing at the weight as it snuggled up his neck. “What are you doing?” Draco might've tried to sound cold, but his voice was too overflowed with confusion and relief with the burdening weight on his back lifting up a little. Harry shrugged, getting to peeling his apples, feeling extremely aware of the Solus on his back and the gaze of it's questioning owner. “You won't get anything done with these buggers teasing you all the time” he pointed at the Solus chewing on Draco's finger “thought that if I can see them… I might as well help you with their weight and stuff..” 

“Harry you're not supposed to be carrying me weight!” He exclaimed, not loud enough for their friends to hear but tough enough to make an impact, Harry couldn't care less about the tone however, since his heart did an embarrassing leap when he heard Draco use his first name. It was beating hard and fast in his ribcage, and he hoped that Malfoy wouldn't see the red appearing on his cheeks. “I want to, is that bad?” He answered as casually as he could, even though he felt like screaming and running a marathon through whole Scotland. Malfoy pouted “seriously, it's my burden to- hey!” He exclaimed as Harry snatched the apple from his hands “you're too slow, Draco.” He said teasingly, stepping a bit closer to him, just so their elbows would touch. He proudly ran his knife through Draco's stolen fruit, peeling it a lot faster than the other boy did. Malfoy huffed frustratedly but didn't move away, letting their elbows touch as for the first time they bear an immense weight, but decided to share it, just so it becomes a bit lighter than it was before. And Harry, though tried to ignore this voice in his head bugging him for the last hour, failed to push away the realization that already had come, standing in his doorstep and endlessly demanding, shouting for him to acknowledge the fearsome thought; that Harry, had long fallen for Draco Malfoy.

* * *

 

Sugar, butter, flour, and a fuck ton of apples.

Draco seriously hated pie making. He couldn't understand how people did that for fun, especially muggles- who has to powers to cut down a dozen of apples? Draco, apparently. Since this is what he just did. They had finished the pie by Granger pouring a bunch of cinnamon and sugar at the slightly red apples, all stained from Draco's precious blood! Even though he absolutely hated every second of it, there were some nice parts, it really got easier after Potter took one of the Solus, who still curled up happily on his shoulder, life is unfair Draco thought, since these suckers are never this nice to  _ him.  _ They battered a nice pie tray and Hermione did the rest, rolling out the dough and pouring in the surprisingly liquidy apple mix, cutting the dough into thin striped and knitting them into a some kind of confusing pattern on top of the pie, it did make it look a tad prettier though. Now they were seated on an elf size sofa, all eagerly staring at their baking masterpiece, filling the room with a deliciously sweet scent. They had made two batches( which Hermione definitely did in purpose so he would suffer more than he already did) one pie for them and the other as a thank you for the house elves that, by Hermione's words 'so kindly let them use their kitchen’. Draco couldn't understand the whole kindness towards house elves thing, these creatures kept peering at him as he might stand up and beat them. For a second he'd get angry at them, but then remember that they're not too far from the truth, since by Potter's words Dobby worked here for a while after leaving the manor, he probably told them all about the Malfoy family had done to him. Draco was perfectly aware that his father was hitting the poor elf, but if he wanted to avoid a slap, he kept his mouth shut about it, sometimes even doing it to the elf himself. He clenched his fists, staring at their pie in the making.

“I don't even like sweets.” He stated when Hermione pulled out the steaming pastry out of the oven, placing it on the counter to cool. It smelled great yes, with all the butter and sugar that went into this thing how could it not? But after putting so much effort into something he doesn't even get to eat all the bruises on his hands suddenly feel worthless. “Well then.” She gave him a long and disappointed look, casting a quick cooling spell before cutting into the thing, destroying the pretty crust she had put so much effort in. “One of the things about food is that you could also give it to someone important.” She cut out a neat slice and placed it on a plate then handed it to Draco. “How about you give it to someone? Sharing something you made actually feels really nice.” She said, cutting out slices for herself and the other two morons, who right now tried to beg the house elves for tea. 

He looked down at his slice of pie, and then looked up at her, remembering his previous conversation with Neville. “Hermione I'm sorry, I really am.” he blurted out, and she froze, staring at a slice of her own, a small but honest smile curling up on her lips, her brown eyes sad but knowing “I know.” She said, taking a fork and digging in into it, chewing as if trying to keep herself from speaking. Did it work? He really had meant it, even though he didn't say much, his gaze fell to the pie on the counter, noticing a Solus standing there all alone, it's while eyes reflecting his figure looking back at it, holding his plate, little cracks appearing on it's long form. This one didn't have ears, more like a sharp pair of horns and a short tail, though it didn't happen yet, it clearly was about to bloom, with orange light clearly seeping in through it's black fur. It then turned, jumping off the counter and walked casually towards the exit, then stopped and turned to look at him, waiting. 

Draco just gaped, looking at his slice and then at the creature, then back again “I...I think I need to give it to someone.” He muttered, giving Hermione a quick nod before following the creature, who already walked down the hallway. He really felt confused, is it leading him somewhere? Why hadn't it bloomed yet when there's clearly cracks? He carefully pushed through students, trying his best not to drop the pie in the process, only later he realized where the Solus was leading him: Myrtle's bathroom, somehow he always ends up there.

When he entered it however, he immediately knew why the Solus has led him there. Neville Longbottom was sitting there, his figure small and hunched under the sink, just like Draco had been when he just returned to Hogwarts, skipping meals and spending most of his time falling apart in the bathroom, that's when Neville came in, bringing him sandwiches. He probably made a noise, since Neville's head perked up sharply, his bloodshot eyes wet and leaking rapidly. Draco had taken a reflexive step back, and then saw the Solus strolling right up to the boy, sitting there, waiting. He took a deep breath and did the same, sliding down the wall at his side, far enough for both of them to be comfortable yet close so he wouldn't have to yell. He stared into nothingness for a minute before just offering the boy his plate. “I made pie.” He said, Longbottom just glared at him. “I, uh.. don't eat sweets so..just take it.” He shoved it in his direction until Neville took it, giving him a sceptical look “I didn't poison it or anything, otherwise Potter and the Weasel would probably be dead.”  The boy didn't answer, but Draco didn't expect him to. His chest had been heavy and bothering even without his words, telling how he's not interested in hearing Draco out, so he didn't give him the chance to do so, “what happened?” He asked him, leaning his head against the cold wall, he had the indescribable urge to fiddle with his sleeves. “You know, um, it's sometimes easier to talk so someone you hate than er..a friend.” Longbottom just stared, and it had gotten on Draco's nerves, can't he see he's trying hard here? This git is probably debating whether he should smash this pie right into Draco's face, and he wouldn't blame him; he gave him the pie after all.

But Neville didn't, his gaze fixated on the plate now, he was sniffing pretty hard, and Draco almost offered him a napkin but the boy bit into his creation. “It's sweet” Neville said, and he only shrugged. “It has a ton of sugar in it after all.” Neville chuckled at that, his laugh sad and bitter, but still a laugh “I just..miss her.. my mum” he said, immediately regretting it by the looks of it, since he took an another bite of the pie and made sure to keep chewing. To that Draco could relate, he sometimes also wished he could just stop speaking, but also, missed his mother with his whole heart.

“I do too, my father as well.” He said, not really knowing why is he being so honest in this situation. It became quiet after that, Neville sobbed but made no effort to push Draco away from him, and he didn't leave, just sitting the in the heavy silence, finally deciding to break it. “Look, I know you could never forgive me, and I don't expect you to.” 

Neville didn't answer,but his eyes were focused, he was listening, so Draco went on. “I.. I tried to come up with excuses for what I did, but the more I thought about it I realized that I was pushing my mistakes on other people… my father might've been shitty, but the one who- who abused you was me.” His words fell heavy, cutting through the silence like a sharp knife with every word, he had never blamed himself for anything, even when he ran away, when he pointed his wand at Albus Dumbledore, he always had someone to blame.

Always someone but himself.

“And I really have no excuse, and no satisfying explanation that is worth forgiving...I just..I want to be better, I want to try” and he meant it, something in him really did want to try,it is his last year at Hogwarts, and he might as well do it here than wait for a funeral in order to cry about all the things he should've done.

“I just want.. for you to give me a chance.” Draco said, turning to finally look a Neville who had quit crying, but did have a mouthful of pie he was munching on, he seemed to be in deep through, his eyes still red and puffy from the previous crying. He started at the pie, and somehow staring at it made his eyes tear up again, perhaps it really is that sweet and horrible, Draco hadn't tried, he doesn't even like apple pie, but Hermione was right, feeding someone a thing you made sure feels nice, even when it's Neville Longbottom “I can't forgive you.” He said, his words followed by a painful silence, making Draco release a heavy sigh from his chest, of course he can't.

“But a chance.. I can give.” Neville said at last, and somehow, a smile curled on Draco's face as he returned his gaze to the room, the Solus in front of him still sitting there, looking, and then bowing it's head as if thanking him, it's cracks expanding blooming with a soft orange color, rising up to the ceiling like fog before gathering up into a ball and flying through his chest.

“A chance is all I ask for.” He said, feeling his back become a little lighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I really like making apple pies, but I never eat them because I don't like the texture of baked apples:( it is nice to make others happy though.  
> I should really start wrapping up this fic huh? We really are getting there.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can love find way through ink and parchment?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AARRGHHH FINALLY I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER!! This one honestly took so long to write! Eventually it got too long so I had to cut it in half:( but here's a 9.7 k update for all you patient souls! 
> 
> I also wanted to thank you all for sticking with this fic for so long since this month it became one years since I started writing it, it's always so hard for me to finish stuff and not throwing it away halfway through so I am really proud of myself for writing this fic kinda consistently.   
> Thank you for reading my story for a whole year! I love you guys and hope you enjoy this fluffy chapter <3

**Love** **  
** **[luhv]**

**  
** **1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.**

**2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.**

**3.sexual passion or desire.**

 

_ Dear mother,  _

_ Thank you for your letters and candy, I thoroughly enjoyed them (it was hard hiding it from Pans, she’s always near for stealing) but they really brought me back a couple of years.  _

_ By the way, I wanted to tell you about some progress I've been going through. I have made a friend, someone you know in fact, it's Harry Potter. I guess we're friends now? We baked pie and I shoved him into the dark lake, good times. I don't know why I am writing you this but I guess I just wanted to share? Not being in each other's throats has been really challenging but I guess I am trying hard. And this time I am really trying.  _

_ I hope that you'll be proud, he did save your life once, well, mine too.  _

_ I guess I should thank him for it one day. _

_ Love, Draco. _

 

Draco kept rereading his letter over and over again feeling a nervous kind of twist in his stomach as he did so. He didn't write to his mother for a while and hadn't been too honest about what he is going through with her, and while he won't be telling her about the Solus anytime soon, he thought that she deserved to know about his newly obtained friendship with Potter. Taking a deep breath he folded the paper and slid it into the envelope closing it with a swift flick of his wand. Right now he was standing in the owlery in the west tower clutching his letter tightly in his hand the smell of bird poop and their occasional soft hooting to accommodate him in his daily distress.  It was a little bit after breakfast when he decided he should finally write back to his mother, with the Solus constantly bugging him he sometimes feels like he can't grab the quill at all, their weight and teasing sucking all the motivation out of him and if it weren't for his high grades that got him back to Hogwarts and actually give him a chance to get any job in the future even with his background he would allow himself to fail all his classes as well. Though he's not as brilliant as he were before he did notice that after his absence in sixth year slacking off all his lessons in order to serve the dark lord he fell a little behind, followed by him falling out of practice after the war and all the trials. But he still was rather Intelligent and managed to push through with fairly acceptable grades, sometimes having to fight for them against a bunch of mysterious black creatures that some days won't let him even crawl out of his bed. 

Said creatures were now way less however, having three Solus less on his back had been rather relieving easing his daily routine by a lot, he and Longbottom hadn't spoken after their little what Draco liked to call 'pie bonding’, Longbottom just swallowed awkwardly while Draco recalled the beautiful shade of orange the Solus bloomed into. This blooming had been different, it wasn't as dramatic and bright as the ones before but rather calm and soothing, this one actually guided him towards what needed to be fixed or rather; what Draco needed in that moment the most. He didn't even do much, he just gave Neville some pie and told him about how much of an ass he is and Neville took it, somehow making a tear jerking heartfelt moment actually something simple. It's funny how sometimes we forget the importance of simple things, chasing down these grand actions and experiences while missing out on everything in between, when Draco caught the snitch he didn't feel happy because he won, nor was he free because he proved everyone that he's better. But actually his freedom came from the simple thought that this was what his younger self ever dreamed of, to prove himself that there's something he could do and be good at, something he could clench in his hand and regain control which he had so little of at the time. 

He stared down at the milky white envelope; maybe there's no need to search far in order to heal all that's been broken, even if it's himself.

So he reached for his eagle owl and tied it around his leg. “Sorry for not bringing treats, I'll know better next time.” He said, running his knuckle down it's beak “send this to my mother will you? I'm sure you crave a flight.” Ulysses hooted softly before spreading his wings and taking off his weight leaving Draco's arm as he looked at him flying to the horizon, he couldn't help but smile at the creature for it served him for many years.And with a soft smile his shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh before spinning on his heels and heading down the stairs to go back to his lessons. He adjusted his scarf a little pushing it up his face so he could warm up his nose, it had really gotten colder in the past week and he wouldn't be surprised if it will start snowing soon. Deep inside Draco hoped that he wouldn't have to deal with the Solus anymore before Christmas break so he could visit his mother without bothering to deal with them but with the pace they have been blooming he really doubted the chance. They were now tugging at said scarf, probably to show him how they won't cease to bother him even when they're low in numbers, honestly Draco wouldn't even dare to think otherwise. “Draco!!” A familiar voice called to him as he were just about to enter his transfiguration classroom, it had been five minutes before the lesson starts and he more than wished to get his usual place not trusting snarky Gryffindors not to snatch his seat. Speaking of snarky Gryffindors, the voice belonged to no other than Harry Potter who just managed to run up to him as he turned. Draco has to admit he had been rather bothered by the name change, hating himself for each excited twitch in his stomach and the occasional flush of his cheeks that sneaks into his face each time Potter calls him by his first name. “What's up?” Potter stopped in front of him his hands leaning on his knees for support the boy, panting heavily as if he had to sprint in order to get here, Draco nodded “morning Potter, why are you running?” Now the boy was looking up at him an unusual brightness to his eyes, if Draco knew better he'd assume he was actually excited to see him, excited and something more which he could not pinpoint with his lone perceptiveness. A low smile curled up on Potter's lips as he straightened up brushing his robes to smooth them as if it would help him with his usual messy appearance. “You weren't at breakfast” Harry said, Draco's eyebrows shot up in response “I was, just left early.” 

“Oh...why? Are the Solus bullying you again?” 

“They're always bullying me Potter.”

“No need to be an ass.” Harry said with a long studying look over his face “I'm just worried you will fall back to your dramatic self and miss meals like you did before, some classes even.” 

“I don't miss classes because I'm dramatic! I am not dramatic at all!!” Draco exclaimed shoving Harry's shoulder slightly making the other boy chuckle, Harry caught his arm however holding it in place over his shoulder “yes you are, remember that one time after we fought that you didn't come out of your room all day-” 

“Alright alright fine!” He groaned pressing his palm against his face just to shut him up, and again there was that glint in Potters eyes as he stepped closer to do so, making Draco's stomach flip uncomfortably. They locked eyes for a moment that had seemed like ages both holding on the fight; the challenge that each of them represents, somehow unable to give up nor to let go of each other. For the first time in his life he noticed how unique Potter's eyes are, so green and full of life the sun reflecting many shades in them creating a beautiful swarm of colors, somehow it reminded Draco of the first Solus that bloomed during their quidditch game, this vibrant brilliant green has been a color it and Potter shared both of them soaring freely in the bright blue sky. For Draco flying had always meant freedom and the Solus blooming at the moment he felt truly free had shown him where his freedom lies; somehow this freedom vividly reminded him of Harry, perhaps since they're so different. Potter always doing the most amazing and unbelievable things he's wild yet so heartfelt and brave in his own Potter-like annoying kind of way while Draco walked in the shadows rising his chin high only to make something of himself yelling louder than he ever accused Potter to do just so he might be noticed- so he would not cease to exist under all the layers of what he needed to be. And even while Potter had been through way more difficult things than Draco did he never swept to the dark ways, kept fighting no matter what while Draco crumbled and fell apart in the hands of those he loved and claimed to love him the same. So much pain and fighting these green eyes had to go through, so many things a child should not have seen and now they're looking straight at Draco, a coward who now felt so small besides their emerald might looking through him as if his scars were ink against a piece of paper, Draco dropped his gaze. 

“W-what do you want Potter?” He mumbled feeling his cheeks warm up as he dropped his palm from Potter's mouth the boy following and releasing Draco's hand from his shoulder. “Well, remember that potions essay we had to finish..?” Harry said sheepishly stepping back a little rubbing the back of his neck, Draco's eyes narrowed at him already sensing where this is going. “Yeah?” 

“Well...I didn't finish it…” Potter muttered slowly, now actively avoiding his gaze. “Potter they are due tomorrow.” 

“I know!!” The chosen one exclaimed and Draco didn't notice how he grasped his hands in his palms before the deed was already done leaving him with no means of escape. Draco took a defensive step back only for Potter to follow his green eyes already turning into a plea Draco feared he could not avoid “could you let me copy yours? Pleeaasee” Draco used all the muscles in his body to keep the glare at the boy, he doubted it looked intimidating however especially with his now extremely flushed cheeks, he had no escape other than going to the defensive and gladly that is a thing Draco knew to do well. “huh?” A well trained sneer pulled itself back to his face “Harry Potter copying homework? And I thought the chosen one was so brilliant- defeating the dark lord surely is nothing next to a bit of Potions homework..” he teased, a pathetic attempt to hide his unexplained embarrassment as he tried to tug his hands away from Potter's only for him to hold on tighter, an annoyed frown on his face. “will you turn into a git every time I'll ask for help?” Draco returned the glare, yes, yes he will. “I'm not going to let you copy my essay Potter.” He said firmly.

“What?! Why?” His frown immediately changed into a look of distress “oh come on! Back in the great Hall you said you'd help me!” Draco's flush deepened with what he hoped would be anger. “Help yes” he hissed realizing this fight had been long lost. “So you're going to help me?” The boy suddenly lightened up and Draco couldn't help but nod, deciding it is a way better plan of action than sparing an another look at Potter's annoying face. “Thanks mate!” Harry exclaimed, releasing his hands only to give him a hard slap on the back making Draco squirm with pain, his slender body not used to such over the top exchange “uh...you're welcome..” he muttered, rubbing his poor shoulder. Damn, Potter really can be strong when he wants to be. The Gryffindor didn't notice his clear discomfort beaming at him brightly “so, meet you in the library after transfiguration?” He said, his cheerful and confident facade slowly fading even though he did keep a sheepish smile on his face. Draco sighed, not because he was really upset or anything, but just due to his already long existing dramatic persona he couldn't just agree to something without making it look like he's going through the hardest thing in the world, might as well commit to it. “Fine. Don't be late or I'll leave.” 

“As if I can really do that, we're literally coming from the same class Draco.” Harry said already walking inside the classroom, rolling his eyes Draco followed, groaning as he noticed that his favorite seat indeed had been taking by some snarky Gryffindors.

He might as well make this private lesson of theirs complete and utter hell for Harry Potter.

* * *

 

 

Despite his promises Harry found himself running late to meet Draco at the library, as if announcing that he can't be late just jinxed it. Damn, Malfoy is going to have a laugh at him now, probably sneering at him and calling him an utter git his pale form spitting out a handful of ways to verbally abuse Harry to oblivion. He wouldn't admit he ran late because meeting alone with Draco had been rather stressful for him which is pathetic considering he defeated the Dark lord, meeting a snobbish Slytherin for a private lesson should be a piece of cake, but nothing is ever a piece of cake for Harry of course, his heart has to throb each time their eyes meet across the classroom and his last week's discovery of his very much existent crush on Draco sodding Malfoy didn't help. Out of all the people Harry could have liked this has to be the lowest he'd stooped yet. Even if they are friends now, well, friends who lay together in the middle of a quidditch pitch while sharing heartbreaking stories, friends who shared a bed once which Harry was quite sure isn't a thing former rivals tend to do. His heart fluttered in his ribcage when he remembered how he had ran his fingers through Draco's platinum hair, his locks being silky and soft falling so gently upon his sleeping form. What is there to even like in Draco Malfoy? The more Harry thought about it the more clueless he became.

Draco Malfoy is a git, he is the boy who bullied first years the moment he became a prefect and the same arse Harry cheered when Hermione rightfully punched his face. A traitor, a user, a death eater and a posh; rising his head high as he is walking down the hallway with his flock of idiot Slytherins to follow. His skin is too pale and his face is too pointy, long limbs he used to step on top of other people, Harry shivered running a finger down the bridge of his nose, recalling how he used these very same limbs to break his nose. Yes, Draco Malfoy is rather attractive, he takes care of himself and his appearance his hair never an inch out of place, but could this possibly be the reason why Harry fancies him now? Had the war really hit him this hard in the head for him to fall for a boy whose actions made Harry grit his teeth and his stomach twist with  loathing. Perhaps it isn't Draco Malfoy who Harry likes but the boy he got to meet in these past months, a shattered scrawny Malfoy who definitely stopped eating the way he used to, his fancy clothes looking well kept but still seasoned with wear. Seven tiny yet obnoxious creatures seated on his back, messing up the well nourished and collected person Draco once was, pulling at his hair cutting through his skin, his gray eyes now always accompanied with sorrow heavy and burdening his every act. Harry found himself meeting a Draco who bleeds, very much similar to the same boy he met during his sixth year yet so different; the boy who has nothing now after losing everything, constantly tasting the waters and trying to find what's left of the person he himself once used to know. Maybe this is the person he fell for, Draco who is left broken after a cruel unforgiving war singing a lullaby left by his mother to mourn a loss of his best friend, the one who plays the piano with shaky and uncertain fingers as if trying to remember what each and every note meant, the crying, screaming and accusing Draco who lost his cool thanks to something Harry had said, a smartass whose intellect could match only Hermione wasting hours of their days arguing over some foolish mistake they'd made in an essay. A simple human who sneers at Harry but looks like an unguarded child when he's asleep, his pale head leaning on the cold tiles of Myrtle's bathroom. Malfoy that whines endlessly when he cuts his finger all sweaty and messed up as he's struggling to peel apples. Harry stopped at the entrance to the library where he knows Draco awaits him even after all the times he said he'd leave, his heart swelled in his ribcage pounding tirelessly finding ways to escape. “Pull yourself together, it's just a stupid crush.” Harry muttered to himself his fists clenched at the sides of his robes before stepping into the low lit interior his loud anxious thoughts washing up as he entered the silence of the library. His eyes looked around numerous rows of bookshelves searching for a familiar mop of platinum hair which he found seated at the very back, his features calm as his gaze focused on a brown book he was reading. Harry dropped his bag on the table and froze, momentarily deliberating whether he should sit right next to Draco or in front of him, the seat besides him was empty so it's only expected isn't it? Malfoy didn't bother to place his bag on top of it so perhaps he should take it? He didn't notice how long he'd been stressing over this but it's probably a moment too long for Harry Potter to be standing wordlessly in front of a table since Draco tore his gaze from his book to flicker up Harry's face looking extremely bored. “Cat got your tongue Potter?” He said simply, closing his book and putting it into his bag carefully. Harry tensed up “shut up Malfoy.” He blurted out stupidly, with a flash of panic in his mind he flipped down the seat next to Malfoy, avoiding his studying eyes. “You're late.” Draco simply said, a low smirk curling up his face “remind me what you were telling me Potter? That you can't be late since we're coming from the same class?” Harry groaned already rolling his eyes, of course Malfoy won't let him live this down, teasing him and tormenting Harry until he snaps. “Ugh sod off.” Harry barked, already pulling out his things “and what about you telling tales about you leaving if I'm late huh?” He placed his quill on the table turning to look at Malfoy with a proud smirk on his face “you are still here.” He said matter of factly. Malfoy's pale brow quirked up unimpressed with Harry's teasing instead giving him a long blank stare “guess I'm leaving then.” Draco said, already grabbing the strap of his bag. Harry's chest heaved with panic as he screeched “wait no!!” He reached forward grabbing Draco's sleeves without thinking “please Draco don't leave I'll do anything!” That caught the Slytherin's interested since his otherwise bored eyes sparked with interest but he still averted his gaze sternly. “You had your chance Potter, now it's gone, lost” he sighed dramatically as Malfoy would do, being a Malfoy and a total drama queen, Harry physically fought not to roll his eyes instead he just pulled on his sleeve harder “it's due tomorrow!” Unlike Harry Draco didn't have to fight any urges, always doing as he pleases since his eye roll was so powerful it affected the boys whole body “that is your problem my friend.” Draco stated firmly, yanking his sleeve away from his grasp. Harry couldn't control the whine that escaped him, his hands feeling stupidly empty without the fabric of Malfoys robes between his fingers so he let them fall lumpily on the table. “You said you would help me..” he pouted guessing that Draco might be rolling his eyes again “what's the point of having a smart friend if they won't help me with my essay?” He could hear the Slytherin boy huffing besides him still standing but not making any attempts to actually leave yet, Harry felt his cheeks warm up from the thought that he might be studying his face now wondering with that brilliant brain of his about all the ways he could possibly blackmail Harry for being the most useless chosen one when it comes to anything else than defeating the dark lord and quidditch, which he probably will since being Draco Malfoy's friend didn't come with a rule book clearly stating: stop bullying Harry Potter.  His pout deepened thinking that usually Malfoy wouldn't mind breaking the rules at all considering all the times he had actually done it to torment Harry, just like he snuck out after curfew to expose Harry and his friends only to get detention together with them. He smiled at the memory, Draco had been such a snob back then having all of his platinum blond hair slick back so hard candlelight often reflected on the layers of gel he had on, he remembers Fred and George always snickering at the thought of Malfoy being bald by thirty. Well, he is still a snob but not as bad as he used to be at least, the moment he let his short hair fall over his face his features softened making him look more carefree and less polished even though he's still just as pointy. Harry wondered whether Fred would be disappointed with him knowing that he befriended one of their mortal enemies, a death eater who's to blame for his death, Harry tried not to think about Fred too often. His body always filled with sorrow when he did, images of the borrow creeping into his mind each and every time; a place which he could call home after Hogwarts always filled with laughter and pranks gone completely silent, a childhood Harry thought he would never get to experience all the colors and warmth, Molly's hugs and Arthur's casual pat on the back gone dull after it's source of light had gone. Harry spent his whole summer there with them grieving in undescribable sorrow each corner of the house a reminder of the boy who once lived there. Harry's closest thing to a family fell apart and he wondered whether they would ever be able to heal deep inside knowing that they never will. George took his death the hardest, coloring his hair black in order to look different than his lost twin. Weasley's wizard wheezes has been suspended for the whole summer, Ron had told him that George planned on opening it again soon but never got to actually do it, “I will join him after school” he had told Harry during lunch once “I am not as good as Fred, but I'm something” he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Harry often wondered about Ron too, how his best friend has been coping with it all with such optimism even though he knew that it was all just an act, a desperate attempt to keep his family from falling apart. 

The chair besides him screeched turning Harry's attention to it as Draco sat back  down on his seat “fine I'll help you, no need to look this miserable.” he just gaped at the blond, feeling a soft smile creeping on his face even though his stomach clenched. “Potter?”  he leaned in his eyes narrowing “you good?” Harry blinked multiple times before he realized how close they were “oh! Yeah!” He squeaked making the blond look even more suspicious but he already turned away opening his books clumsily “so potions!” He almost tipped his quill while searching for his notes feeling stupider by the second, Merlin, Malfoy must be having a blast. 

The blond gave him a long look and Harry feared he might press the subject but he didn't, turning his attention to his own notes instead. “Well, what is our chosen one so troubled with?” He wondered whether Draco meant his actual day to day struggles or simply talked about potions, Harry stuck with the later. “Having to finish it due tomorrow that's a start” he mumbled, looking at the menacing pile of notes “even when I am physically present during the lecture every time I try going through these I wonder if i was ever truly there.” His expression must've looked grim since Draco chuckled “ah Potter, you're so incredibly lucky to have me by your side then! to balance out your incredible idiocy at least.” Draco said, but there was no bite to it even though it did make Harry want to slap the git, or hug him, for actually helping him and all. Harry hadn't decided yet.  He did roll his eyes however mimicking numerous times Malfoy has done it himself in his presence, Draco reacted by simply ignoring him and leaning a bit closer to point at the first page of notes. “It's actually fairly simple once you put your small Gryffindor mind to it”

“And your Slytherin mind is so big huh?” Harry couldn't help but snark, Draco went on. “It's a sleeping potion, a bit kinder to your system than dreamless night since it's way less addictive, your essay is about ways such potion could benefit the daily life of Hogwarts students and which ingredients would be best suited for the job.” his mind went blank from just hearing all that, silently cursing at himself for not starting this essay sooner. “Merlin fuck.”  He whined, Draco looked smug besides him. “You are incredibly lucky that  _ I  _ had already finished my essay so I could actually help you scramble a decent grade.” Draco said as a matter of fact, reaching for his robes and pulling out his wand and with an elegant flick colorful highlights appeared all over the notes and their potions book, pastel green making whole sentences pop out against the long tedious text. “Here, just copy all I've marked but change the wording a bit so it won't seem like you just copied it from the book.” Harry felt like kissing Malfoy right there, which is weird since kissing Malfoy is a thing that never occurred him, making his cheeks flush briefly as a flash of happiness and gratitude passed through his body “Draco!! You are brilliant!!” He grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him violently a wide smile planted on his face. He could swear he'd seen Draco's cheeks redden for a moment before the boy collected himself again and turned away pulling a Herbology book out of his bag “whatever Potter, don't test my patience.” He muttered, opening his book and dipping his quill into an ink bottle before writing down the date in a very neat handwriting already paying Harry and his potions crisis no mind. “I'll look over your notes later to make sure it's isn't completely terrible, don't want you to be failing on my conscience.” 

Harry's eyebrow quirked up at that “aww you don't want me to fail?” 

“I don't want you to embarrass me.”

“That's so nice of you” Harry teased, an easy smirk on his face 

“Do you ever bloody shut up?” Draco snapped, a drop of ink splashing over his neat note. He turned his head sharply at Harry and this time he really feared for his life, bowing down to look at his notes just so he won't have to face Draco Malfoy's anger as he just made him mess up his perfectly aesthetic writing, knowing the git too damn well as he reached out for a completely new piece of parchment with an exasperated sigh, putting down his quill again to start rewriting the whole thing again, Harry had been lucky to be spared.

They then fell into comfortable silence disturbed only by the occasional scribbling of quills against parchment, thanks to Draco's passive aggressive help Harry found himself going through the essay a lot faster than he would if he actually read the notes, following the highlighted parts and copying it went relatively quickly as long as he didn't smudge the ink against the paper accidentally. Next to him Draco was equally silent, doing some homework Harry will probably remember during the night before their next Herbology lesson and he'd have to pull an all nighter with Ron in the Gryffindor common room. But now all of this was far away from them, Harry enjoyed the comfort of working in the library together as if they created some sort of a bubble keeping them apart from the outside world. He also enjoyed how close they were seated, it might have been selfish, but when Draco leaned in to explain a certain part Harry didn't understand he noticed that their elbows were touching, the other boys warmth spreading all over his arm through multiple layers of fabric yet nice nonetheless. They stayed like that for quite a while writing and reading together in surprisingly comfortable silence, occasionally Harry found himself sneaking glances at the other boy, focused on his work so much he probably wouldn't notice. The library's soft lightning did wonders to Draco's features making even his pointy edges look softer, the warm candle light giving him a homey cozy kind of look. Looking at his slim hand scribbling neat writing Harry realized he had his work long abandoned his whole focus now landing on Draco besides him, his stomach gave a low growl. Groaning Harry dropped his quill, wondering how long do they have to spend here until it's time to go for lunch. His eyebrows shot up however with an idea that sparked in his head, a memory of why he had been late in the First place. Looking around quickly Harry made sure no one was watching him before he took his potions book and placed it in the middle of the table standing up just so he would get just a little bit of cover, when he was convinced the book won't fall over, he leaned to his bag and started searching. 

“Slacking off already?” Draco said besides him, not bothering to lift his gaze from his parchment all meanwhile Harry found what he had been searching for: a small container filled with the most delicious chocolate pudding which Harry ever so kindly asked of the house elves to give him when he dropped by the kitchens on his way to the library. As sneakily and he could he placed the sweet right behind the perked up book pulling out two little spoons out of his pocket. “What the fuck are you doing?” Now Draco was looking at him his expression horrid “Potter you're going to get us kicked out!” He hissed angrily but Harry only smirked “I guess you don't want any pudding ?” Harry said smugly, enjoying how Malfoy's stern expression faltered for a mere second before he restrained himself “are you mental?” 

“Perhaps” Harry murmured, peeling off the sealing parchment “more pudding for me then” he said teasingly before digging his spoon into the satisfying sweet seeing the chocolate practically melt around the metal. With as much stealth as he could he popped the spoon into his mouth making sure to hum with a delight a little too loudly, just so he could see Malfoy swallow hard at the corner of his eye. “Mmm, oh this one is the best! Not like the vanilla ones..” Harry said, digging in once again amused by the way Draco's eyes followed his hand “how nice that I have this all for myself..” at this point Draco visibly snapped, his hand yanking the other spoon off the table “you fucking wish.” He snarled taking a big spoonful and shoving it into his mouth a soft smile curling on his mouth the moment he got a taste of Hogwarts best pudding. “It's so rich!” He exclaimed, practically whining “right? Just melts on your tongue” Harry said enjoying the sight of Malfoy enjoying a forbidden sweet his own spoon forgotten on the table. “We're going to get kicked out.” Draco stated while still humming with each spoonful “are we?” Harry chuckled softly, leaning on to his palm to further enjoy the sight

 

* * *

 

 

“I fucking told you so!!” Draco exclaimed as they've been kicked out of the library, holding all his books in his hands he made sure to glare daggers at Potter just to show him how angry he is “it's all your fault.” Draco said, hearing Harry groan behind him dragging his feet lazily through the hallway “you ate like, all the pudding! If anyone's at fault it's you for making such clear expressions of delight, even a first year would've recognized that something's wrong!!” He felt his cheeks warm up at that “what expression am I supposed to make?! I was eating bloody pudding!”

“I don't know! Not something as cute though!” Harry exclaimed and then froze, both of them looking at each other in utter silence, was this a slip up? Sure looked like it by the way Potter's cheeks dusted red. Draco didn't have enough time to analyze this even through every part of his body itched to do so, to explore him search for a secret meaning Potter so desperately tried to erase by frantic stuttering “I- I mean-” 

“No it's fine-” 

“I didn't meant to-” 

“Potter really it's honestly fine-” 

“I'm really sorry!” 

Draco stopped trying at this point, just giving Potter a long studying look. Something in his head started ticking, a mechanism trying to solve puzzle adding all the clues together. His eyes narrowed as he looked Potter over, could it be..

“Potter do you-” 

“HARRY!” A desperate screech interrupted them making Draco jump at his spot. He turned around to see Hermione Granger making her way up to them her face weirdly wet “oh Harry!” She moaned, leaping into his hands and sobbing loudly. “Whoah! Hermione? What happened?” Potter stuttered, his hands landing on her shoulders carefully to tear her away. The girl weeped rather loudly her bushy hair sticking to her cheeks “you can't believe what Ron said! He- well, we were fighting but it was over a stupid thing!! Crookshanks tore his homework again and I told him that I would help him and he- he said that he doesn't need my pity!”  Classic Weasley, Draco thought without really saying any of it out loud but Granger was still being cradled in Potter's arms “and he- he said- he said that would probably prefer that crookshanks would ruin all his school work so he'd be the idiot I think he is!” She then crumbled, her shoulders shaking violently. 

 

“HE DID WHAT?!” Pansy screeched slapping her hand on the Slytherin table, they had grabbed Hermione and led her to eat lunch sitting far away from their now targeted weasel. They'd been lucky enough to dump into Hermione before lunch and lead her to the great Hall so she could enjoy a warm meal and maybe some sweet butter scones. Being a woman however means you create bonds with other woman as well being so strong and unbreakable every girl has to sign an unwritten rule book declaring they will stab the first male that will dare to break her friends heart, being a woman and also Hermione's friend Pansy seemed to get quickly to the task. “Just you wait this asshole will see them hands…” she muttered angrily already rolling up her sleeves and stepping over the bench to walk over the Gryffindor table. “Wait wait no!” Hermione sobbed, pulling the Slytherin back to her seat “I don't want you guys to fight! I just.. just want him to talk to me again..” Draco watched with amusement as the events unfold sipping through his apple juice with a weirdly noticeable slurp. Pansy gave Hermione a long disappointed stare “no woman!” She exclaimed, flopping down to her seat “with that attitude he should be crawling back to you begging for you to talk to him!”

“But-”

“Don't be pathetic! You Gryffindors are all so soft.” Pansy shook her head, Harry just looked at the banter with a helpless expression “is she.. always this aggressive..?” He leaned in to whisper into Draco's ear, he noticed that he moved way closer than he needed to and with a low smirk curling on his lips he let him, leaning back just for a tease. “you should've seen her after the yule ball in fourth year, she screamed at me for five hours.” He said, Potter visibly shivered at the thought. “We are soft? You're the one who cried in the bathroom when you were dumped by that Ravenclaw!” Hermione shot back at her, at least she wasn't crying anymore. “But you're not dumped yet! Just after a fight!” Pansy sighed before grabbing her hands “listen 'Mione, men are trash.” 

“Thanks a lot.” Draco called out to her, she ignored him.

“You are so amazing and beautiful, if he doesn't even get that then he is a sodding idiot!” She gave their enveloped hands a bit of a squeeze. “But I love him?” Hermione said softly and Pansy dropped her head, shoulders rising and falling as she exhaled “ugh, fine, whatever.” She said, making Draco wonder when was the last time Pansy gave up on something. “Then..” she looked up again, a well known mischievous smirk curling on her face. “Here we go.” Draco said, already knowing there is no way they can escape this drama. 

“Harry, we will have to use your dorm for a while.” She said, already gathering a platter of scones. “Wait what?” Potter exclaimed, not realizing that he's already being dragged out of his seat “I have a brilliant plan I just need a bit more hands for that.” She said, shoving the plate into Draco's arms before turning to Blaise “don't you dare run. We need you too.” She stated clearly, Blaise just let out a groan “let me rest woman!” 

“You'll rest when you're dead! Come on!” Pansy bellowed pushing Blaise forward by placing her hands on his back leaving the boy no means of escape. “wait- we're going to Gryffindor?” Hermione sniffed following her out of the Great Hall “yup. We're going to make this sucker regret every word he said!”  Pansy chipped cheerfully while still pushing the groaning Blaise, Draco couldn't help but to smile to himself, Pansy has been so scared before this year started just like they've all been, feeling guilty whenever she'd let herself feel happy after the war as if she does not deserve it after all she's done. He could deeply relate to that, feeling his heart sink in his chest each time he'd goof around a little. He just got so used to being scared all the time nervous and threatened by the world around him, the murderer walking through his home making it his palace reeking of rotting evil, Draco wondered if the smell of blood would ever wash up from the floor tiles. This place too where they're all walking, Hogwarts, their school and childhood, has experienced so much bloodshed each step he'd take would have his shoelace colored crimson. But this is the time for it isn't it? Their last year of Hogwarts is their last chance to be teenagers, and even after all that happened don't they deserve a tad of happiness? Feeling the weight on his shoulders Draco wondered whether what he received is some kind of punishment, a sign from the world telling him he doesn't deserve it with claws and teeth digging into his very flesh being a constant reminder of what he's done and the things he had lost in the process, even himself. The Solus are blooming, and then what? His shoulders clenched in fear that when he blooms them all there won't be any Draco left, just an empty shell full of sorrow and regret. 

His thoughts were cut out by the sound of laughter echoing from around him, rising his gaze from the floor he saw Potter snickering at something Pansy said his smile wide and open, Potter had a very sloppy smile as if he'd never learned how to do it properly, too tilted to the side and too exposing pulling his whole face like rubber. Maybe he hadn't trained enough in the laughter department or his face has developed some sort of a tic, he did seem a lot jumpier than he did before the war. Even through all the dark thoughts in his head Draco couldn't help smiling at the other boy his heart aching slightly, he and Potter bonded over the Solus Potter being the only other person to see them, what will happen to said bond once all the Solus have bloomed? Will the friendship they created break and shatter taking them back to being two rivals, from two different houses, and two different sides of war? He really hoped not. 

“The way up to your common room is so tedious! So many stairs..” Pansy groaned as they reached the portrait at last, the fat lady gave their gang a long judging look her eyebrows coming all the way down to her nose “what is this?” She asked her eyes scanning the Slytherins judgmentally “you lot are not all Gryffindors.” The fat lady stated as if it wasn't a well known fact, Draco got the feeling they were supposed to take it as an offense. 

“Um..” Potter looked around awkwardly before turning back to the portrait his eyes apologetic  “courageous blade” he muttered what Draco could only assume was the password but the portrait stayed unmoving. “Oh Godric! Are you trying to let them in? Never in my life have I experienced such disrespect-” the fat lady babbled shaking her head in disapproval as Pansy physically exploded next to him. “Arrgh! Can't you see it's an emergency? We've got a broken heart here!” She exclaimed pointing at Hermione with a pale finger “I gotta get her and that stupid Weasel to make up with each other!!” Her finger then moved to the portrait accusing her angrily “let us in!”. The fat lady gasped, placing a squishy looking hand over her mouth in shock “a broken heart?” She whispered, the portraits around her began muttering as well all handing Granger worried looks. “oh my!” Her hand then moved to her chest, chubby face curled with worry “it is an emergency indeed! Ah… young love, I remember back when I was alive-” she began muttering again but the portrait just opened ajar allowing their unlikely group entrance into the Gryffindor common room. “Just make sure to mention me at the wedding!” She chanted as they all passed through, and for the first time Draco realized that he had never been to an another common room. “I can't believe that worked.” Blaise muttered from behind him his face bored as usual but his body using Draco as a shield from any unexpected Gryffindors.

“Wait, what is going on?” An additional voice echoed from behind them belonging to Ginny Weasley who was just standing in the hall outside the common room, Luna Lovegood standing right besides her. The group halted even though they haven't all passed yet, all blankly staring at the pair “oh, Ginerva” Pansy said simply, her tone unsure as Draco felt. “Hello” Lovegood waved, her smile dreamy as always “why are you all standing at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room? Is that a secret meeting?” She asked, and he realized that she had actual edible berries stuck in her hair. They've all exchanged looks then, Hermione looking nervous and Blaise just being plain tired while Potter gaped at his ex girlfriend dumbly “uh-” he started, and Draco sensed a disaster approaching together with the Weasley sister.

“What is this? A Ravenclaw to help with the heartbreak as well? Come in come in! I do not wish to hang open any longer!” The fat lady bellowed, making everyone's attention snap back to her. “Heartbreak?” Ginger eyebrows almost met her hairline as Ginny Weasley stared at them in shock “oh merlin. Oh shit. Did you break up?!” She stepped into the portrait grabbing Luna by the arm and pulling her with her, she didn't seem to notice it though up until they all reached the common room yanking her hand away as her freckled face painted crimson, Draco smirked to himself, curious. “Did you and Ron-”

“Oh goodness no!” Hermione was quick to cut her off enveloping their hands together “j-just a fight.. it had been very nasty though..” she finished her sentence with a sob, suddenly weeping again. “I'm just so stupid-”

“Woah woah woah!” Pansy and Potter leaped towards her quickly trying to calm their overthinking friend down. “Jesus what's the point of having that much brains if you use them to torment yourself all the time?” Pansy exclaimed, placing both of her hands on Hermione's shoulder and shaking her all while Ginny Weasley blankly stared.

“The common room sure is cozy…” Lovegood sighed seemingly unaware of uninterested in the drama around her using her blue eyes to look around the room instead. Which reminded Draco to do so as well his eyes widening in the process. The Gryffindor common room was way different than his own, the reds and golds coloring every bit of the chamber together with cozy looking sofas and a currently burning fireplace filling the room with choking warmth, he really is glad he was put in Slytherin since so much clashing red would make him vomit, otherwise he could understand why this common room fitted Potter perfectly both with the loud colors and the warm and annoyingly welcoming atmosphere. 

Ginny Weasley was still staring at the group blankly while Hermione had a breakdown her whole outfit colored accordingly to her house colors with short red hair and a comfortable looking pair of trousers torn and visibly sewn back together in many random places big tears in the fabric replaced with colorful squares (probably from old shirts, Draco never understood why would they torture a pair of trousers this much when it's so easy to buy a replacement, but he also never quite got along with the Weasleys so asking is not an option.) On top of her overall messy but somehow decent appearance she wore an oversized Weasley sweater which he noticed all of their family seemed to own, she frowned “a fight?” Ginny asked no one in particular, shooting Potter a questioning look to which the boy visibly stiffened. Her gaze then darting to Draco and staying there for a long while as if she was searching for something to say about the probably uninvited group of Slytherins in her common room. After a long moment she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose “what did Ron do again? Do you want me to punch him?” She turned to Hermione who was now blowing her nose in a handkerchief Draco only assumed Blaise gave her since none of the Gryffindors ever cared about hygiene, Granger shook her head “no” she muttered quietly making the Weasley sister give Pansy a confused look. “I know” Pansy groaned “that's so gross, but we're gonna help her I guess.” 

“Help her?” Luna piped in, her interest in the common room cutting off the moment she realized there were no invisible creatures flying around or whatever besides you know, the Solus. “I would love to help!” She said, her voice strangely airy as if she just lets too much oxygen leave her lungs as she speaks. Pansy perked up at the suggestion her previously mischievous grin finally getting back in place “oh you two want to help? Perfect! Let's go up to Potters dorms so I can elaborate you all in my genius plan.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“You know, it's really unfair that girls can enter our dorms but whenever we try to do it the staircase will simply turn into a slide.” Harry muttered boringly as he took in the room around him which was now packed with what seemed his whole friend group in one small dorm room which was his own. Draco seemed to be curious about it as he looked around the moment they walked in not even trying to hide his interest sneering with disgust the moment his gaze fell upon Harry's bed, he has to admit a flash of embarrassment waved through him when he did so, Draco is just so judgemental! It's not like Harry knew there would be a whole gang of people letting themselves into his room without any further notice where usually only he and his dorm mates hung up leaving all of their beds unkept and their luggages open, yeah Harry had a couple of crumbled shirts piled up on the edge of his bed, so what? He was only a human.  “That's because men are garbage~” Pansy sing-sang making herself comfortable on Deans bed the moment she stepped into the room. “No they're not! I bet there's something off with the wards today.” Hermione said in her usual know-it-all manner which Harry was glad to see replaced the sobbing mess Hermione she was mere seconds ago. “Maybe it just likes us and wants us to get in? Knowing we have good intentions” Ginny offered, her gaze equal to Malfoy's as she gazed upon the room “wow, your dorms are not so different than ours, maybe a bit smellier though.” 

“Hey!” Harry snapped at her his face flushing slightly “don't let yourself into my dorm and then offend everything about it! I might as well kick you all out.”  

“You have a window looking straight down into the Quidditch pitch, nice” Zabini whistled in approval letting his whole body lean into the doorframe “feels so different than looking straight into the dark lake” Harry honestly didn't know how to deal with the situation,not only that he was being ignored,they scattered around the room chattering amongst themselves instead of doing what they were supposed to do in the first place. Everyone finding the room around them more appealing than Pansy's so called 'genius plan’.

“What a disaster” Harry grunted, hearing a soft chuckle besides him belonging to Draco. “What? Your room? I agree.” Harry's heart fluttered from the grin on the boys face while his gut clenched with annoyance for the callout, why does everything about Malfoy has to be so double sided and confusing? He's like double sided blade, a very beautiful one as well; cutting into anyone who might get close to him making this whole ‘probably crush on Malfoy’ situation extremely difficult in his opinion. “Zip it Malfoy before I unleash my blackmail material upon you.” Harry said cockily making Draco raise a singular well kept eyebrow “huh? What blackmail material? You're the one wearing snitch boxers.” He smirked clearly smug as Harry stuttered feeling his face get embarrassingly warm “really? My underwear? Is that all you have against me Draco?” Harry said, collecting himself as he folded his arms over his chest “because I reckon you've gotten quite rusty with your insults, ferret.” Harry seemed to have gone rusty himself since his attempt did not cause the chain reaction he'd been expecting, Draco looked annoyed, yes. But his well known sneer had a glint of mischievousness in it missing it's previous spite “calling names now Potter? Well, if I'm a ferret at least my room isn't trashed as if it had been run down by an animal- oh wait! That would explain the hideous mop on your head.” Harry couldn't help rolling his eyes, insulting his hair? Really? All Draco needed to do now is to call him scarhead and call it a day. “at least I don't pour three liters of hair gel on my head every morning, do you know how clear my reflection was on your forehead in third year? I bet you're gonna go bald in ten years.” Harry said even though Draco wasn't doing the gel thing anymore, it didn't fail to offend the Slytherin though, making him gasp. “How dare you! There's not even  _ one  _ Malfoy in history who had gone bald! Watch your tongue!” 

“Well you would be the first.” Harry said, following Draco's advice and watching his tongue by pulling it out making the other boy grunt.

“Okay losers buckle up!” Pansy suddenly called out, standing on top of a random chair she grabbed in their dorm room (without asking permission, mind you) making everyone's attention fix on her “I shall present to you, the ‘ultimate perfect date’ plan!” She exclaimed excitedly and Harry feared she might tumble and fall off that damn chair. “Perfect date?” Ginny was seated on Deans bed her expression unreadable “yes!” Pansy pointed at her, Harry could've sworn the chair shaked a little. “And we're going to arrange it!” Just as she said it the door creaked open revealing a very confused looking Neville Longbottom at the doorway, making everyone freeze. 

“Oh” he said, his gaze trailing around the room and landing on Parkinson who was still locked in her dramatic pose “what is going on..?” He then looked at Draco and Harry's heart sank, how could he not think this through? This room belonged to Neville as well, being his safe space which now Harry brought his former bullies to. “Neville-” Harry started only to be cut off by Pansy “Longbottom! Perfect! You came just in time!” She said, confidence reeking through her body “we are going to plan the ultimate date!” 

“... what..?” Neville asked slowly, his hand tensing around the door handle. “Granger and Weasley had a fight, Pansy wants them to make up or something.” Draco spoke out, to Harry's utter surprise. The pair then locked gazes both Draco and Neville looking at each other intently as if having a silent conversation, did Harry miss something?. “Want to help out?” Draco asked, his eyes silently pleading as Neville's breath caught in his throat.

They kept staring at each other for a long moment the room being utterly silent around them until Neville sighed “okay” he said simply even though his expression was still wary, he pursued to step into the room and close the door behind him with a soft click. “Brilliant! Now the gang's all here!” Pansy clapped loudly but Harry paid her no mind his gaze falling back at Draco instead “you have less Solus on your back” he said,just now noticing it, Malfoy huffed but didn't deny it. Harry couldn't seem to fight the grin that crept onto his face.

“The plan is simple: today at seven PM sharp Ronald Weasley will be brought to the courtyard where a lovely picnic together with his lovely girlfriend will await him, they will talk it out, make up and hopefully make out. Our job is to make it all happen.” Pansy explained, stepping off her chair to walk on firm ground. “You!” She pointed at Ginny who stepped back a little. “You are the targets sister, your job is to keep your brother busy and make sure to lead him to the courtyard in time.” Giving it a bit of thought Ginny nodded “fine, I'll keep him at Bay.” She said, folding her arms over her chest.

“You!” Pansy pointed at Neville making the boy squirm quietly “you will go to the kitchens and ask the house elves for some snacks, fruit, whatever! You seem to be pretty smart in that department.” Pansy said and Neville simply sighed “okay I guess..? Why is she ordering us around by the way?” He asked Harry, and while he wanted to answer him they were completely cut off when Pansy pointed at her next victims “you two!” Her finger was now targeting Blaise and Luna “I declare you the decorative squad, get some flowers some candles, make it romantic.” She said smirking widely when Blaise pinched the bridge of his nose “aye aye” he muttered, shooting a look at Luna who was now tying a pencil in her hair “I wonder if there would be any freegles in the courtyard today? They do seem to run around and steal everything that's not glued down in this time of year…” she said softly making Harry wonder if he would ever understand what she was talking about. 

“What are you doing then?” Blaise called out from his place leaning against the window “ordering us around and stuff.” He waved at Pansy general direction as she snorted “I thought you'd never ask! I'm going to prep Hermione of course, I'll pick her a cute outfit and do her makeup”

“Wait what.” Hermione's hair jumped together with her head as she perked up to look at her friend. “Yup, and Draco will do her hair.” Pansy said, winking at her “you're going to be such a snack.” 

“And what am I doing?” Harry asked realizing he was not given a part, seemed like Pansy just realized this part as well as she turned around and noticed him standing there, a sheepish smile on her face “um.. moral support?” 

“Great.” Harry muttered hearing Draco snicker besides him. “Okay folks! Remember seven PM sharp! We gotta make this date an utter success!” Pansy said and for the first time everyone in the room had the same amount of determination to do their part successfully, besides Blaise probably who still looked extremely bored.

“Mission.. starts..now!”  Pansy shouted her excitement clear as day as everyone in the room took off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Romione date next update! I've been wanting to write this part ever since I thought about writing this story a year ago, I'm excited to hear what you think!   
> See you all in the next update ~

**Author's Note:**

> mmMMMMmmMMM pain YUMMY, here's my Tumblr i would love to chat!  
> Tumblr: AyuoChan


End file.
